Oblivion Retold: The Adventures of Nival and K
by Dominus Princeps
Summary: A gifted Dunmer...a rampaging Dremora...the Necromancer's Amulet...and the fate of Cyrodiil. Head for the hills 'cause this party's gettin' wild!
1. Expelled, Arrested, Attacked, and Freed

Oblivion Retold: The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

_!DISCLAIMER!_ I own nothing. Hell, even this computer was bought for me. If you sue me for copyright things, you'll get like six bucks, a nickel or two, and perhaps some dirty underwear...if you're lucky.

**Chapter One: Expelled, Arrested, Attacked, and Freed**

Nival was a Dunmer. Born in Morrowind, raised by fundamentalist Dunmer shamans/demon cultists, and trained in the fine arts of Destruction and Conjuration, he was, at least for someone with his background, relatively civilized and calm. He'd traveled to and settled in Cyrodiil around fifty years ago, and was now a happy and successful member of the Mages Guild. He was ranked Wizard, and some believed he would be next in line for the position as Arch-Mage when it came time for Hannibal Traven to retire. However, all this changed one day, during an experiment on the fickle and very dangerous Necromancer's Amulet...

ooo

"Are you sure we should be doing this? I know it's a very curious artifact, but...I've got a baaaad feeling about doing experiments to see where it gets its power..." one of the mage researchers muttered.

"We'll be fine. Don't be a sissy," the other researcher rolled his eyes. Nival eyed them whilst repairing his magic sword. He shook his head at their banter. He considered taking the Necromancer's Amulet from them to quit their bickering, as it was in his right as a higher-ranked Mage, but he decided that he'd finish fixing his Longsword of Lightning before he broke it up. Nival's Repair Hammer was crackling with magical energy as it struck the sword, but since Nival was a Journeyman of Armorer, he knew how to control magical repair.

"I got an idea. Let's cast spells on it and see what it reacts to," the younger and more daring of the two researchers suggested. Nival stopped.

"Like what? Fire Ball?" the other snorted.

"Great idea! HIIIIYAAA!" the first yelled.

"_No, you idiots! Sto-_" Nival began. He was cut off as the Necromancer's Amulet exploded in magical energy and sailed across the room. By some freak coincidence, it struck Nival's upraised Repair Hammer. The magic in the Hammer reacted to the intense power of the Necromancer's Amulet, causing a very...energetic reaction. A portal to Oblivion appeared for a split-second, tossing something at Nival at a very high speed. When the portal collapsed, it vaporized half the Chironasium and completely destroyed the Practice Room. Nival groaned and tried to push whatever was on him off of him. With the clanking and creaking of armor joints, the summoned Dremora Lord got up and looked down at Nival.

"You damn mortals. Now look what you've done!" he sighed. Nival grabbed the Necromancer's Amulet in case the Dremora got an attitude. A flash of light got their attention.

"It's all over, lawbreakers! Your crime spree is at an end! You can either pay the fine or go to jail. Your bounty is six hundred thousand septims for the damages to this place! Pay up!" the guard snarled.

"How'd he calculate that number so fast?" Nival muttered to himself.

"You? Arrest me? Hah!" the Dremora Lord chuckled. Fifteen more guards suddenly rushed in.

"Okay. This is...a little different," the daedra said, pulling his mace out. Another squad of guards dashed over and tackled the Dremora.

"Hey, get off me! I know my rights! Legion brutality!" the daedra cried. Two guards came over to Nival.

"Wanna resist arrest?" they grinned. Nival unbuckled his sword and held his hands high. A slightly singed Raminus Polus limped over to Nival and pointed his finger at the Dunmer.

"I knew you were trouble, Dark Elf! I hereby _expel_ you from the Mages Guild for being such a colossal moron!" the enraged Wizard snarled.

"I swear, it wasn't me!" Nival cried.

"Hope you rot, criminal scum!" the guards growled, dragging him off along with the fiercely struggling Dremora.

ooo

Nival turned his nose away from the foul-smelling rot in the dank Imperial City dungeons as the squad of guards led him and the Dremora Lord down into the depths of the prison.

"Alright, we're on the prison block. Strip them of their possessions and lock 'em up," the guard captain growled, leaving the room. The guards took Nival's Wizard Cloak and his Infused Boots along with his Hood of Samuel L. Jackson (custom-made enchanted hoods are often a little far-out). Plus, they took his potion store, his Mage's Staff of Destructification, and his Master Gloves. They tried to take the Necromancer's Amulet, but it was stuck to his neck.

"Shoot! You cannot remove Quest Items from your inventory!" one of the guards sighed. They handed Nival Sack Cloth Pants and a Sack Cloth Shirt, along with Braided Sandals.

"His-armor-won't-come-off!" another guard growled, tugging at the Dremora Lord's cuirass.

"Wait...he's a summon, right?" a guard asked Nival.

"Yeah...I guess..." the Dunmer replied.

"Dispel him," a guard lieutenant ordered their Battlemage. The soldier nodded and cast a Dispel on Touch on Nival. The Dremora looked around and sighed.

"That was a Major Dispel...I'll try Legendary Dispel," the Battlemage muttered. He cast the spell, but to no avail. The daedra tapped his heavily armored foot and crossed his arms.

"Just try to take his armor off, okay?" the lieutenant sighed, kicking a rock in frustration.

"Odd that the Dispel didn't work..." the Battlemage frowned. They struggled with the daedra's armor, but no one could budge it,

"My armor's grafted to my skin. You won't be able to remove it," the Dremora rolled his blood-red eyes, clicking his armored fingers together.

"Take his mace and shield and toss him in with the other one," the lieutenant sighed. Nival tried to cast an Invisibility spell while they weren't looking, but all he could manage was Heal Minor Wounds. He tried to remember how to cast Shroudwalk, tried to remember his most powerful Invisibility, but nothing came. Then, he looked at the Dremora.

"Perhaps my skills and powers went into that daedra..." Nival mused. He suddenly felt a little tired.

"Damn...that Heal Minor Wounds took a little more out of me than usual..." the Dark Elf breathed as a guard grabbed his arm and dragged him down to a cell. They tossed him and the Dremora into a cell with a rusty door, which the daedra promptly knocked down and charged out. The guards tackled him and grabbed Nival as well.

"This damn daedra is too strong for most of these cells..." one of the guards growled.

"How about that one?" the Battlemage pointed to a cell with well-preserved, thick bars on the door.

"But...that's the cell that Captain Renault the Blade told us not to use..." the first guard said uneasily.

"Is Captain Renault coming around any time soon? Come on, man, just chuck 'em in there. Nobody'll care," the Battlemage rolled his eyes.

"But...the Captain said there's a secret passage in there..." the guard protested.

"Oh, yeah, right...I bet that's where they keep the Giant Mudcrab, too, huh? Idiot..." the Battlemage snorted, pushing Nival and the Dremora Lord in.

"Now, for the record-keeping, what are your names?" the guard lieutenant asked.

"I'm Nival," Nival sighed.

"My name is Krzjsdfblxt," the Dremora said. The guard looked up.

"Once more?" he said, blinking.

"Krzjsdfblxt," the daedra rolled his eyes.

"I think you changed it that time," the lieutenant frowned.

"Krzjsdfblxt. Krzjsdfblxt. I didn't freaking change it, you incompetent moron," the Dremora snorted.

"Could you...spell it?" the lieutenant asked.

"You mortals are such buffoons," the daedra sighed.

"I don't think you can spell it, either," Nival chuckled.

"Quiet, you!" the Dremora snarled.

"We'll just put you down as 'K'," the lieutenant growled. The guards then left.

"So...how come you're still around?" Nival asked.

"Well...you summoned me, didn't you?" K replied.

"Yeah, but...you're only supposed to last around two minutes, tops," the Dunmer said.

"Two minutes? Are you telling me that you people summon our kind only for them to die in less than two minutes?" K advanced on the much shorter Elf.

"No..." Nival cowered. K glared.

"...Yes..." the Dark Elf backed away from the Dremora.

"Psst! Hey, you! Dark Elf!" a voice called from across the hall.

"Huh?" Nival looked up.

"You're a Dark Elf? You look more like a Gray-Green Elf," K snorted.

"Close it, K. What?" Nival walked over to the cell door.

"Yeah, hey! You're kin to me; I'm a Dark Elf, too! My name's Valen Dreth. I see they've locked you up, too, but we'll escape one of these days, I promise! You and me, we'll head to Summerset Isle and relax in luxury," the Dark Elf across the hall hissed.

"Uh...okay, but I think I've forgotten my Open Very Hard Lock spell..." Nival whispered.

"Quiet! I hear footsteps...are they coming for you?" Valen Dreth pondered.

"Look, sir, our main concern right now is getting you out alive...what're these prisoners doing here?" a woman's voice demanded, peering into the dank cell to observe Nival and K.

"Okay, on three, we grab her through the bars and threaten to kill her unless we get the key..." K whispered to Nival.

"Uh...probably a mix-up at the watch...whatever idiot put them in there will be punished," the Battlemage from earlier said, scratching his head. They unlocked the cell door, and in walked three heavily armed and armored soldiers, along with an old man in clearly expensive robes.

"Stay out of our way, prisoners, and we won't have to get nasty," one of the soldiers, a fierce-looking Redguard snarled.

"Don't get a 'tude with me, you stumpy little-" K began. He was cut off by a mild jet of flame from Nival.

"Quiet! You'll get us both killed!" the Dunmer hissed. The daedra raised a fist, but did nothing. The soldiers somehow managed to open the northern wall of the cell and began to escort the old man through, when he suddenly stopped.

"Wait...you...I have seen you two in my dreams..." he said slowly.

"Us? That's kind of...creepy," K took a step away from the old man.

"Who are you?" Nival asked, curious.

"I am your Emperor, Uriel Septim, heir to Tiber Septim," the old man said, sounding as if he were resigned to some fate.

"Not my emperor," K muttered. One of the bodyguards shook his fist at the daedra.

"Come on, sir, we've gotta get you out of here," the female soldier said, taking the emperor's arm.

"Looks like this is your lucky day, prisoners. Just stay out of our way," one of the two Redguards growled. They walked down the tunnel.

"Come on, let's go! Freedom smells so sweet!" K whooped, jogging down the tunnel once the soldiers and the emperor were out of earshot.

"Smells like a dank, dirty dungeon to me," Nival grumbled. They headed through several tunnels and found the Emperor and his guards locked in battle with a couple oddly-armored fighters.

"For the Mythic Dawn!" one cried, swinging his mace for the Emperor.

"No!" the female bodyguard cried. She dove in front of the Emperor and took the blow right to the head.

"Ouch!" Nival cringed. K tackled the fighter, took the assailant's mace, and smashed in the man's face. The Dremora swung the mace at another assailant, shattered his armor, and crushed his chest. The daedra lined up for another strike on another foe and found that he had no mace.

"Damn Bound weapons..." K cursed. A soldier took care of the last enemy.

"Nice fighting...but I got my eye on you, prisoner..." the fierce Redguard glared. He turned to talk to the emperor. K stuck his tongue out at the Redguard. The soldier turned, but K had put his tongue back in his mouth. When the soldier turned back around, K stuck his tongue out again.

"How could they be waiting for us _here?_ Nevermind...they won't be the first to underestimate the Blades!" the Redguard said.

"Captain Renault..." Uriel Septim began.

"She's dead, sire. Our main priority is getting you out of here," the Redguard urged. When they weren't looking, Nival grabbed the dead Renault's Steel Shortsword and her Akaviri Katana. He quickly tossed the Katana to K.

"That weapon's too heavy for me," he said. The Dremora buckled the saber to his waist.

"Don't follow us, prisoners," the taller of the two Redguards narrowed his eyes. Nival nodded. The door down the short hall to their left shut and locked tightly.

"Man, those soldiers are stuffy," K sighed. He unsheathed his Katana.

"I'd prefer a mace or a longsword, but this'll do. So...you're a spellcaster, right? Can you teleport us somewhere?" the daedra asked, turning to Nival.

"For some reason, I've lost almost all my powers. I think it's because I drained myself when I somehow summoned you. The best thing I've got right now is Weak Fireball...and that's barely better than Flare," the Dunmer sighed.

"Ugh...this sucks," K grumbled.

"Well, at least your armor is grafted to your skin...how did you get that, anyway?" Nival frowned.

"Grafted? Yeah, bullshit! I bluffed my whole way through that. There's a button right between my shoulder blades; if you press it, my entire suit of armor just pops off. Neat, huh?" the Dremora chuckled. The squeaking of some animal caused them both to whirl and ready their weapons.

"By Akatosh, that's the biggest Rat I've ever seen..." Nival breathed. K roared and impaled it on his saber. He kicked the Rat off and stomped on its skull, crushing the bones with a sickening crack.

"I don't think that thing even has five HP...you didn't need to do all that..." Nival winced.

"Screw you, man," K muttered. They walked through the hole in the wall that the Rat had come from.

"Got a Torch?" K asked.

"As a matter of fact, I picked one up from that dead chick," Nival pulled the Torch out and lit it with Flare. They made their way over to a skeleton sitting next to a bag and a chest.

"Hmm...lockpicks, excellent! Now we can open that chest," Nival grinned, searching the skeleton and his bag. He picked the Very Easy lock very easily and pulled out the chest's contents.

"Leather Cuirass and Leather Boots. Eh, beats Sack Cloth any day of the week," the Dunmer shrugged, equipping the armor. The Dremora rolled his eyes at the Light Armor and nabbed a mace from the chest. He held his katana in his left hand and the mace in his right.

"Goin' dualies, huh?" Nival grinned.

"What?" K blinked.

"Eh...nothing," the Dunmer sighed. The two of them continued on through the dank tunnels, killing another couple rats. They found a dead Goblin, looted his body, and unlocked the door in front of them with a key they found on him.

"Why would a Goblin have a key to that door specifically? And what killed him? The rats?" Nival pondered.

"Goblins never were smart. He probably fell on his sword or something," K snorted. They continued through the tunnels and came to a long corridor. A rat ran past them.

"I'll scout ahead; your armor's too loud for Sneaking," Nival said, crouching. He crept forward along the passageway. K watched the torch bob back and forth as Nival left. The daedra heard the Dark Elf scream. Nival came dashing back around the corner.

"Zombie! Run!" Nival cried. K stood his ground, baring his sword and mace. The zombie lurched around the corner, moaning with its jawless mouth. K cut its left arm from its body, but the zombie smacked the Dremora with its right. K, in a fury, dismembered it completely. The zombie sat in its leg stumps and howled at K.

"What're ya gonna do? Bite my kneecaps off?" the daedra snorted, kicking the zombie onto its back. The zombie growled at K and Nival as they walked past. After numerous tunnels and rats of unusual size, as well as Goblins who'd taken up annoying residence in the tunnels and begun eating the rats of unusual size, the Dremora and the Dunmer hopped through a small hole and found themselves face to face with one of the fanatic cultists.

"Not these bastards again..." K sighed, ripping the man's arm off and bludgeoning his skull with it. The two Redguard Blades whirled at his voice.

"Oh, great. It's those prisoners again! Kill them! They might be working with the assassins!" the shorter of the two Blades snarled.

"No. They will help us. They must help us," the Emperor said slowly. "My stars show me the end of my path. But tell me...what is your sign?"

"Is this some kind of mortal pick-up line?" K frowned.

"I am born under the Mage, adding fifty to my base Magicka" Nival said.

"And you, my friend?" the Emperor turned to K.

"I am born under the Chuck Norris, adding ninety-seven thousand to all my stats and skills," K stuck his hands on his hips.

"Don't joke, K, this is the Emperor," Nival hissed.

"Fine. I'm born under the Warrior," K rolled his eyes. The Emperor nodded.

"I, Baurus, don't trust you, prisoners. Stick close, and carry this torch. You may as well make yourself some use," the shorter Redguard, apparently named Baurus, narrowed his eyes, handing a Torch to Nival, who gratefully pocketed the Torch. They followed the Blades through several battles and dank tunnels, eventually coming to a place which Baurus "had a bad feeling about."

"Bad feeling...eat too much fried chicken, Redguard?" K chuckled. Baurus leveled an Akaviri katana with K's throat.

"Keep it up, pal. I'm itching to spill more blood," the soldier snarled. He sheathed his sword and checked the area.

"Damn it! The gate's barred from the other side! An ambush!" Baurus pounded the gate with one fist.

"Wait, what about that side passage?" the other Blade suggested.

"Worth a try. Let's go!" They all walked into the passage to find...a dead end.

"Oh, great. Dead end..." K sighed.

"They're behind us! Stay here, prisoners. Protect the Emperor: guard him with your _life_. For the Dragonfires!" Baurus said, unsheathing his blade and running out into combat.

"I have reached the end of my path. Take this amulet, go to Jauffre. You must stand alone against the Prince of Destruction and his mortal servants. Find the lost heir, and close shut the jaws of Oblivion," the Emperor sighed, as if a huge weight were leaving his shoulders.

"What do you...?" Nival frowned. Suddenly, a man in black armor came and stabbed a sword through the Emperor.

"Malacath's name..." K blinked, drawing his mace and sword.

"_Hircine and Molag Bal! Give me strength!_" the daedra roared. His mace and sword glowed.

"You picked the wrong day, stranger," Nival growled, sending a pair of fireballs at the assassin. The first fireball connected, but the second merely scorched the wall where the assassin had been before K had smashed him against the opposite wall and proceeded to crush his chest. The Dremora kicked the man in the side, then beheaded him, cleaving his helm and snapping the Akaviri katana K wielded nearly in half. The daedra stood breathing heavily, then turned to face Nival.

"I didn't know you felt so strongly about..." Nival began.

"He was an innocent. Besides...I kind of liked him," K scuffed his foot on the ground.

"We've failed...I've failed...the Emperor is dead..." Baurus moaned, sinking to his knees.

"He gave me this amulet and told me to find Jauffre..." Nival offered, "if that means anything to you."

"Strange...he saw something in you. It's the Dragonblood that runs through their veins...allows them to see things most others can't. Jauffre is the leader of my order, the Blades, but you'd never guess it. He lives a peaceful monk's life at Weynon Priory. Here, take this map and marker. It'll be more use to you than me. And...from what I can see, you're an experienced Scout?" Baurus said.

"Scout? The hell are you talking about? I'm a Spellslinger!" Nival growled.

"I wasn't far off. And you, Dremora, you must be a seasoned Bard," Baurus prompted.

"Bard? What's a Bard?" K turned to Nival. The Dark Elf shrugged.

"I'm a Face Crusher, you incompetent excuse for a bodyguard," the daedra sighed.

"Really? I would never have guessed. Anyway, you'll need this key to exit the sewers," Baurus said, handing Nival Baurus' Key, "and the rest of it is just rats and goblins, so you shouldn't have it too hard."

"Thanks, Baurus. Uh...sorry about the Emperor," Nival said.

"It's not your fault," the young Blade sighed. The Dunmer and the Dremora hopped through the narrow tunnel in the wall, opened a door with Baurus' Key, and climbed down a ladder into the sewers.

"Ugh...stinks," K muttered. "In Oblivion, we dump our waste into the lava. Works like a charm."

"We're not so lucky here, K," Nival sighed, wading through something he didn't really want to look at or think about. Suddenly, a wild squeak alerted them that a Rat had caught onto them. K smacked it with his mace, sending it sailing into a wall, where it hit with a dull thud.

"No worries," the daedra grinned. Nival sighed and hoisted himself up a ledge and was met with a pair of Goblins.

"Raklen nif gegego hya jogegego!" the Goblin with the mace snarled, advancing.

"Gegeg hya jogegeg retan fiklya!" the Goblin Shaman said, leveling his staff with Nival. The Dunmer barely dodged a lightning bolt. The electrical discharge caught K right in the chest, making the Dremora start. The surprise quickly turned to what Nival had now realized was the purest form of retaliatory bloodlust. The daedra ripped the mace from the first Goblin's hand and smashed it into the hapless creature's head, killing it instantly. The Dremora ducked another lightning blast and picked up the dead Goblin at his feet. He struck the Goblin Shaman dead with the Goblin he had picked up.

"Come on, Nival, don't be shy," K waved the Dunmer on as he walked up a flight of steps.

"Hey, you used my name!" Nival grinned.

"Uh...right you are," the daedra cocked an eyebrow before kicking a rusty gate off its hinges. They encountered another Rat (which Nival torched) and then, finally, the exit to the sewers. K and Nival barreled down the hallway and burst into fresh night air.

"Free at last! Free at last! Thank Clavicus Vile, I'm free at last!" K shouted, taking a deep breath.

"Now, for the issue of the Amulet of Kings..." Nival sighed.


	2. VILVERIN! And the copy glitch

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

_To M'aiq the Liar: Well, well, M'aiq himself! I wish I had a stick of fishies to give to you._

**Chapter Two: VILVERIN! And the copy glitch**

"So fresh...so beautiful..." K sighed, swinging his feet off the end of the small pier as he breathed in the sweet night air. Nival felt an odd weight around his neck and pulled the Necromancer's Amulet from out of the neck plate of his cuirass.

"Weird...I don't remember taking this..." he frowned. It was an unexplainable weight that hung with the amulet...as if it weighed more than it seemed.

"Well, K, let's head to the Imperial City and rent a room at an inn, get some rest, then get some supplies. We'll need them if we're to be heading out to Chorrol to Weynon Priory," the Dark Elf planned.

"Great idea, Nival. We can—look! Elven ruins!" K pointed to the white, crumbling structure in front of them.

"Yes, K, I see the Ayleid ruins. But we have to-" Nival began.

"I wanna go to the elven ruins! They could have elves...and ruins...and WELKYND STONES!" K giggled.

"And he's a Dremora?" Nival rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Nival, don't be a spoilsport! Let's go!" the daedra grinned.

"Fine. Let's go," the Dunmer rolled his eyes again and walked to the end of the pier.

"But first we must get past this seemingly insurmountable obstacle," K pondered the river.

"Come on, K, it's just water. You can swim across it," Nival snorted, dropping into the water.

"I'm wearing _Daedric armor_, Nival. I can't float. My cuirass alone probably weighs more than you do," K frowned.

"Well, hold your breath and walk on the bottom," the Dark Elf chuckled.

"Easy for you to say..." the Dremora whimpered. He took a deep breath and stepped off the deck. Nival swam over to the shore and waited for K to come ashore. A minute or so later, K struggled ashore, gasping and crawling in the sand.

"Damn...must be half a mile wide!" the daedra panted.

"Looks twenty or thirty feet to me," Nival chuckled.

"The bottom's much wider than the surface," K growled. He shook the water from his armor (or tried to) and jogged over to the ruins. The two of them were suddenly aware that a bandit was sitting by the fire, munching on some mutton. K took his mace out and bent it into a "V" shape.

"What are you doing?" Nival hissed.

"I'm making a...what do those Bosmer call their Valenwood weapons that come back when you throw them?" K replied.

"Bosmerang?" Nival prompted.

"Right. Bosmerang," the daedra nodded.

"But...that's a mace. It doesn't have the right physics," his companion pointed out.

"It looks like a Bosmerang. It _is_ a Bosmerang," K said, hurling the mace. It flew far right of the bandit, who looked up suddenly at the noise of a mace hurtling through the air.

"Nice throw," Nival scowled.

"But...it comes back," K grinned. To Nival's surprise, the mace curved and swung back around...colliding sharply with the Khajiit bandit's forehead and striking him dead on the spot.

"Holy shit! Frank!" an Imperial gasped, running to his fallen friend.

"You _bastards!_ You killed Frank!" the Imperial roared, nocking an arrow to his bow and letting fly. Nival caught the arrow right before it hit him in the face.

"Elven reflexes," he grinned at K. Then, he howled as an arrow flew right into the hand that held the arrow.

"Nice one," K chuckled. Nival pulled the arrow from his hand and cast Heal Minor Wounds, sealing the gouge. K advanced on the bowman. The arrows fired at him merely snapped or ricocheted from his thick Daedric plate. He shattered the bandit's bow and held the man up by the neck.

"Now I'm gonna kill you for hurting my pal," K grinned.

"But...you threw a mace at my friend and killed him first..." the bowman whimpered.

"Don't change the subject!" K growled, smashing the man's face into a wall. He walked over to the fallen Khajiit and pulled the mace from his forehead. The Dremora bent the mace back to its original shape and tucked it into his belt.

"C'mon, Nival, let's go explore this Waylaid ruin!" the daedra smiled.

"That's _Ayleid_, K," Nival sighed.

"Whatever!" K shrugged, shoving the stone doors open. They walked down the first flight of steps and were very nearly beheaded by a bandit wielding a battleaxe.

"Hello!" K yelped, shoving Nival down as he himself ducked. The daedra sweep-kicked the bandit and leapt into the air with his mace held high. He crushed it into the bandit's face, killing the man.

"Come on, K, I've gotta get skill-ups too, you XP hog..." Nival grumbled. K shrugged.

"Okay. Next bandit is your kill," the daedra said. They walked across a pathetic plank bridge. K stepped on a pressure plate randomly in the middle of the room.

"What the...?" the daedra muttered.

"Blarg!" he exclaimed as a log inlaid with rusty spikes swung down on a chain into his chest.

"That's a ridiculously elaborate trap...and how long has it been here anyway? And why haven't any of these bandits triggered it?" Nival pondered.

"Ow..." K grumbled, picking himself up. "Damn spiky-log-chain-plate trap!"

"Here, let me Convalesce you," Nival offered, casting the heal spell on K.

"Refreshed and restored! Onward, ho!" K pulled his mace from his belt.

"What did you call me?" Nival glared.

"What?" the daedra gave the Dunmer a confused look. Nival rolled his eyes and unsheathed his shortsword. They crept down the musty, mildewed stairs and froze as they heard voices.

"It's weird, you know? I could've sworn I heard her calling for help down there..." a Dunmer female's voice carried up the stone corridor.

"Don't be ridiculous. She left, just like that stinking Argonian," a Redguard snorted.

"Hey...did you hear something?" the Dunmer said as Nival and K advanced.

"Oh, come on! First the screaming, now this?" the Redguard proceeded into an irritated rant which covered Nival's footsteps as he crept up on the Dunmer bandit as well as her muffled scream as he stabbed her in the stomach and covered her mouth with his hand.

"And furthermore—auk!" the Redguard was cut off as Nival's shortsword stabbed him through the neck.

"Nice double-kill," K grinned. They went to the stairway right in front of them and dropped to the ground in order to avoid a pair of swinging maces.

"Mara have mercy! This is ludicrous!" the Dark Elf grumbled. K hit his head on one as he rose and, angered, ripped it from where it hung.

"Hey...this wouldn't be half-bad as a weapon..." the daedra grinned. He coiled the chain and carried the reinvented trap with him. Nival rolled his eyes and pushed a gate open at the bottom of the stairs. They entered a large room with several Welkynd stones scattered about the place.

"Welkynd stones! Cool!" K shouted with glee, rushing over to one.

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" a Bosmer growled, loosing an arrow at the Dremora.

"Why'd you say that?" Nival asked as he unsheathed his sword. "We haven't done anything yet."

"Well...huh, I guess you're right," the bandit paused in his attack.

"You should probably have said something like, 'This is the part where you fall down and bleed to death,' or, 'Let's get this over with,'" the Dunmer remarked.

"Yeah...right. Sorry, I just...got a little ahead of myself," the Bosmer bandit shrugged.

"Die, tree-hugging scumbag!" K roared, swinging the former mace trap around his head and then at the Bosmer. The chain-mace connected with the surprised Wood Elf with a sickening crunch, snapping his upraised bow in two and sending him careening into a dusty stone column. Blood spattered K's face; he licked it off with a lizard-like tongue.

"Jim! No!" a female Redguard cried, rushing over to her friend's mangled body.

"Sorry, sister," Nival sighed, hitting her with a fireball point-blank. She was tossed into a wall behind her.

"Hmm...ah, Leather Greaves! Beats Sack Cloth Pants..." Nival shrugged, equipping the Light Armor. K tried to open a nearby chest.

"Damn...locked," he muttered. Using his mace (the Iron Mace, not the ex-trap), he shattered the lid of the chest, revealing an Iron Cuirass and seven gold coins.

"Hey, free money!" he grinned, tossing the currency to Nival, who caught it and deposited it in his wallet. The Dremora frowned at the cuirass and looked around.

"Aha! A claymore!" he grinned, picking up the nearby Iron Claymore. The daedra slung the large sword across his back, adjusting the carrying strap for comfort. Nival looked around.

"Damn rats! Always scurrying around and making me nervous..." a voice came from a lower level. The pair peered over the edge of a small drop-off and noticed an archer standing with her back to them. K took his claymore off his back and, with a roar, hurled the weapon like a javelin. The archer turned and was pinned to the ground by the claymore.

"Shit!" Nival breathed, eyes wide.

"And who says they took throwing weapons out of Oblivion?" K chuckled. They hopped off the ledge, K retrieved his weapon, and Nival took the archer's bow and quiver of arrows. K raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, man, elves like bows and magic, and I'm not one to break tradition," Nival explained. K rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like, "Coward." They saw a woman up ahead with a warhammer across her back and decided to play it sneaky. Nival nocked an arrow to the drawstring of his bow and covered K as the Dremora crept up on the woman. He suddenly grabbed her hammer, causing her to whirl around and receive an Iron Arrow right to the forehead.

"Headshot!" Nival whooped. The woman choked and fell. K crossed his claymore with the warhammer.

"Damn, K, who do you think you are? Boethiah?" the Dunmer muttered, eyeing the four menacing weapons that the Dremora was carrying.

"Come, now, Nival, Boethiah is far more fearsome, and plus, the Daedroth Prince carries Goldbrand and other various weapons far more powerful than the items I carry here," K said matter-of-factly. Nival rolled his eyes and froze as he heard a raspy Khajiit voice.

"Curses! I know you're there..." the bandit murmured, taking a warhammer from her back.

"Oblivion take you!" K roared, pulling the claymore and chain-mace off his back as he leaped over the stone rail at the bandit. He smacked the Khajiit in the stomach with the mace and then impaled her on his claymore. The Dremora withdrew his sword and put it and his mace away.

"Glad you're on my side," Nival chuckled, eyeing the viciously slain Khajiit.

"Not like I had a choice," K muttered. They turned and faced a door with a glowing tree on it.

"Pretty..." the Dunmer said.

"HIIIYAAA!" the Dremora roared, kicking the door and smashing it in.

"K! This is an incredibly old ruin! You can't just go and smash the door!" Nival hissed.

"But I always wanted to destroy an Aisle Laid ruin door..." the daedra frowned.

"Well, don't. And it's pronounced _Ayleid_. Like Ai, ul, and id," the Dark Elf grumbled. The two of them stepped over the wreckage that was once the door, walked along the corridor, and were nearly beheaded by swinging blade traps.

"Come _on!_ This is freakin' ridiculous!" the Dunmer grumbled from where he lay prone beneath the swinging blade traps.

"If only I could take one of those things..." K sighed. They passed the traps, K beheaded a bandit, and then they walked along a corridor that led to an oddly sunlit room with a dead Khajiit bandit lying on a stone altar.

"Gruesome," Nival remarked.

"What a loser! Was she killed by the other bandits?" K snorted, kicking her body off the altar.

"Respect the dead, K!" Nival reprimanded.

"Oh, come on, she deserves nothing but our disgust for dying in _this_ place," the daedra muttered. They moved into a small corridor and stepped onto a small pressure plate. A wall shifted, revealing...

"Not you guys again!" K roared, hacking a zombie's legs off with his claymore. "I hate zombies!"

"Die, you undead s'wit!" Nival cursed, sending a pair of fireballs at the supine zombie. The fireballs cooked it, making K and Nival gag at the smell of rotted, burning mort flesh. They stepped over the zombie and walked down the stairs to face another zombie.

"Damn it, why are there always zombies? Can't we go back to fighting bandits?" the Dremora grumbled, smashing the zombie in the chest with his warhammer and sending it careening into a wall. It fell to the ground with a sickeningly squishy thud. The two of them headed down the next flight of stairs and stepped onto another pressure plate, shifting a wall.

"Hey, a Welkynd stone!" K grinned, pocketing the magical relic. "Ooh! It feels tingly!"

"That's the Magicka charge that it has in it. It can instantly refresh your Magicka pool if you use it," Nival said. K nodded and stepped into the next room.

"Whoa...push buttons!" he gasped, eyeing the two sets of three buttons set into columns.

"Push the button, push the button!" the Dremora said gleefully, pushing all the buttons. Five skeletons hissed and charged Nival and K.

"K, you fool! Look out!" the Dunmer cried, sending fireballs rapidly at the mace-wielding skeleton that was charging the Dark Elf. Nival backpedaled hurriedly, dodging a vicious blow that caused the skeleton to lose balance. Its head soared from its body as Nival's last fireball impacted its calcified ribcage.

"Cool," the Dark Elf grinned. K, meanwhile, was valiantly fighting skeletons with his warhammer/claymore combo. In a short while, he had shattered each and every one with the warhammer, leaving crushed white powder where there was once a vicious skeleton warrior.

"Man, I hate undead. But mostly zombies," K muttered, putting his warhammer and sword away. Nival Convalesced him three times, healing the daedra fully and upping the Dunmer's Restoration skill. A wire metal door stood in their way.

"Damn! Hard lock level..." the Dark Elf muttered.

"No problem!" K grinned, ramming the gate with his shoulder. The hinged gate sheared off with a slight screech.

"What did I tell you about doing that?" Nival growled.

"Sorry..." K said sheepishly. They walked up a flight of stairs and walked up to a stone door, which Nival calmly opened. They dodged another set of blade traps and found a funny, pointed statuette with a glowing white center.

"Cool...let's keep it, Nival, it's neat!" the Dremora said, pulling the statuette off of the pedestal it sat upon. Nival pocketed the statuette, and the two of them dodged yet another triple-swinging blade trap. They heard footsteps and some kind of crazed muttering.

"They'll never find me here...no, never. Hee hee hee...I'm safe...safe from all of them..." a Redguard was saying as he hunched over a corpse.

"Ugh...necromancers," Nival scowled. He readied a fireball. K pulled his chain-mace off his belt. Nival sent a fireball duo at the necromancer, who howled in fright and unsheathed an Iron Dagger. For his effort, K rewarded the Redguard with a rib-crushing mace swing. The necromancer coughed blood and struggled to his feet, but was smashed to the ground by K's second mace swing.

"Well, that was mildly amusing. C'mon, Nival, let's take his stuff and leave," the daedra sighed. Nival searched his body and pulled a vibrating, ornate white stone.

"Wow...a Varla stone..." the Dark Elf gasped, turning the glowing stone in his hands.

"Hey, that thing's pretty..." K murmured, enchanted by the stone. Nival put it in his pocket and searched the necromancer's remaining belongings.

"Nothing. Let's look around for other stuff," the Dunmer remarked. They found four gold pieces, a dented key, an unfinished letter, and some Sacred Lotus Seeds. K ate the seeds and complained that they tasted funny, as well as the fact that they made him a little cold. Nival found a staircase and waved K over. Rather than bust the aged door down, K stepped back and let Nival try and figure out a way to open it. He took out the dented key and fitted into the gate's lock. Turning the key, Nival easily opened the door.

"See, K, if you just look around, sometimes you can solve puzzles without violence," Nival grinned, satisfied.

"Yeah, but not all doors have such an easily found key," the Dremora muttered. They followed the tunnel and quickly found the exit to the ruins. Nival took out his bow and nocked an arrow to the string.

"What are you doing?" K raised an eyebrow.

"Practicing my Marksman," the Dark Elf replied. Suddenly, a guard called to them.

"Excuse me, citizens, I'm on a search for a wanted criminal," the guard said, forcing Nival and K to look right at him...in Nival's case, that meant pointing the bow with the arrow right at him.

"Shit! My finger's slipping! I'm gonna freakin' hit the guard!" the Dunmer hissed.

"Try unequipping your arrows!" K suggested quickly.

"I cannot unequip this item until I have completed my current action!" Nival said.

"Try it again!" the daedra said.

"Still won't work!" the Dark Elf groaned.

"Maybe if you drop something, it'll block the arrow!" the Dremora theorized. Nival dropped the Varla stone on a whim and gasped. At his feet spread at least thirty Varla stones.

"Mara preserve us..." Nival blinked as the guard continued to list the crimes that some "charcoal fox" or something had committed.

"How many is that?" K asked. Nival counted as he picked up the stones.

"Thirty-eight," the Dunmer replied.

"Wait...Nival. How many arrows do you have?" the Dremora asked.

"Uh...thirty-seven," Nival responded, counting the arrows in his quiver. K picked up the arrow Nival had loosed that had bounced off the dropped Varla stones.

"Thirty-eight," the daedra grinned.

"Holy shit," the Dark Elf caught on. They left the guard behind and ran for the Imperial City.

ooo

"Yes, that's right. I'd like to sell you thirty-seven Varla stones and this funky-looking statue," Nival said casually to the big Orc behind the counter of the "Slash 'N' Smash" store. K had seen an ad for the store and decided that it was totally the "coolest store in the market ever." The Orc's eyes bugged out as he gazed upon the glowing white stones and the funny statuette.

"Name your price for the pretty stones," he said quietly, holding one in his hand.

"A thousand apiece," Nival grinned.

"Deal. I'll give you...two hundred for the statue," the Orc said, handing a very large sack of money to Nival, who poured the sack into his wallet. The two of them bought a Repair Hammer, a Steel Claymore and Steel Warhammer for K, and a Steel Bow and a single Steel Arrow for Nival. They exited the store, copied the Steel Arrow several times, dropped Nival's Iron Arrows, and copied the Repair Hammer.

"So...how exactly does that Repair Hammer work?" K asked as Nival repaired his armor, his bow, and K's various weapons and armor.

"Well...I use it to repair our stuff," Nival shrugged.

"No, I get that part. But...how does just a hammer repair a sword, mace, armor, whatever?" the Dremora clarified. Nival opened his mouth to reply and frowned, closing his mouth.

"Uh...I dunno. You know what we should do with our newfound wealth?" the Dunmer grinned.

"Get completely plastered and go have unprotected sex with some sleazy whores?" K smiled toothily.

"Took the words right out of my mouth, buddy!" Nival pounded K's fist with his own, and the two of them ran off for the Waterfront District.

ooo

"Gimme another Surilie Vintage 317, bartender, and one for the lady right here," K said as he sat in the Bloated Float Inn. Nival was sipping some Bruma brandy and chatting with a female Dark Elf.

"Such a gentleman," the Argonian fawned over K. "And such a rich color of skin...and your horns are very well cut."

"It's all natural, babe," the Dremora winked at the Argonian. A Nord woman walked in to the Bloated Float, followed by a man who seemed as though he owned the woman next to him. Nival looked at the woman and couldn't keep his mouth from dropping open. That woman was...beautiful. The Dark Elf next to Nival, somewhat put off by Nival's sudden lack of interest in her, got up and left. The Nord came over and sat next to Nival.

"Whiskey, please," she sighed.

"Uh...can I pay for it?" Nival asked her.

"Why, of course, you can! Like my ma always said, 'Never turn down a free drink!'...of course, she died of multiple sclerosis when I was twelve after she drank seven bottles of vodka...but anyway, it still holds true," the woman shrugged.

"I'm Nival Valarin," Nival offered.

"My name's Eyja. Just Eyja," Eyja told him with a smile. K was leaving up with the Argonian girl to take her to his room across the hall from Nival's.

"Who's your pal?" she asked as Nival eyed K walking down the hall, arm around the Argonian's waist.

"Uh...he's a college buddy. Who's your escort?" Nival replied.

"Oh...he's my employer...that's all," Eyja said, eyes downcast.

"What's up?" the Dunmer asked, frowning.

"Well...I don't know why I'm telling you this, I mean, I've just met you, but I feel like...like I have some connection to you. That man...he took me in when I was orphaned at thirteen. We've...shared a bed...but were never married. He was never mean to me...but he's never been nice, either. It's like I'm just a part of his shop," Eyja sighed.

"What shop would that be?" Nival asked, interested.

"Colovian Traders, in Skingrad. We're here because his cousin is a contestant in an Imperial Arena match," Eyja said.

"Well, the next time I'm in Skingrad, I'll stop by," Nival grinned. Eyja smiled.

"I'd like that," she said quietly. Nival and Eyja whirled at a crashing sound.

"Oh, baby! Oh, oh!" the Argonian girl's voice came from K's room.

"You wanna...get out of here?" Nival blushed, motioning toward the door.

"Not today, suckers! This is a holdup! We're taking this inn and sailing away!" someone in black clothing said. He conked Nival on the head with his club and followed suit with Eyja.

"Nival?" K asked, running out into the foyer wearing just his boxers. He took the club to the head too.

"Now the treasure will be ours!" cackled the man in black clothing. His cohorts nodded eagerly.

"Now, drag them to the hold and lock them up so that they won't be any trouble."


	3. Of Murky Bandits & the Traveling Twosome

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

**Chapter Three: Of Murky Bandits and the Traveling Twosome**

Nival awoke with a terrible pain in his head.

"Damn brandy..." he muttered, rubbing his head. He found a nasty bump on the back of his head and suddenly realized that he didn't have a hangover (or much of one, anyway)...the pain was from getting smacked upside the noggin with a club by some random bandit. Nival noted Eyja sitting up on a bed next to him.

"We've been taken prisoner, I think," she sighed. Nival frowned.

"Well, anyway, we've gotta at least try to get out," he responded. He tried the door.

"It's locked. I tried ramming it, too, but I just got a sore shoulder. I think they barred it..." the Nord said. Nival checked and found that he still had his Steel Shortsword.

"They left me my weapon and armor? Amateurs..." he chuckled, unsheathing the sword. He hacked at the door, but there was some kind of metal bar blocking exit from the door.

"Stand back, Eyja," Nival narrowed his eyes, charging a fireball in his hand. He focused his magicka and hurled a fireball around the size of a bear at the door. The remaining wood burned instantly, and the metal bar turned to slag.

"Woo! Been too long since I had the time to do that!" Nival grinned, wiping his brow. Maybe his skills were coming back...certainly in the Imperial dungeons, he hadn't the power to unleash such force...

"Nice work, Nival," Eyja smiled. Nival yelped and ducked a fist that shot out of the door across the hall from him. He darted around a corner and saw K explode out of the door in full armor, claymore and warhammer brandished in front of him.

"Where are the bastards, Nival? I want revenge for the knot on my friggin' head!" the Dremora roared, waving his weapons for effect. The Dunmer shrugged.

"Hey, you guys aren't supposed to be out here! You're supposed to be...locked...in," the bandit trailed off as K advanced on him. He unsheathed his sword as an afterthought, but the seven and a half foot tall warrior from literal hell was too intimidating for the poor bandit to even attempt a block. K swung his hammer into the man's side, then beheaded him as he stumbled. Eyja blinked at the sudden violence.

"Wow," she breathed. Nival took a slip of paper that the now decapitated bandit was holding.

"Huh. These are his orders. They mention some kind of 'treasure'..." the Dark Elf muttered, his brow furrowed as he reread the orders.

"Come on, Eyja, K, let's go see what's going on in the upper decks," he waved for them to follow. The door to the main deck was locked. Nival offered a key that came from the bandit's corpse, but K rammed it open in his usual fashion and charged out with his trademark roar of angry battle rage. A woman unsheathed a Steel Longsword and blocked K's claymore attack. Her sword snapped as she parried the daedra's warhammer. He kicked her in the face and was about to kill her when Nival stopped him.

"Wait! We should interrogate her and find out what's going on here," the Dunmer suggested. K shrugged, put his weapons away, and restrained the woman in a tight hold. Nival pulled her shoes off.

"Okay, lady, here's the deal: you tell us what we want, or I electrocute you through your feet," Nival's hands crackled with electricity as he spoke.

"You'll never learn anything about the Blackwater Brigands from me!" the woman spat. Nival sighed and grasped her ankles.

"Bleeeeaaaarrrjjjjj!" the woman screamed, twitching.

"NIIIIIIVVVVVVVVAAAAAAALLLL!" K yelped, electricity coursing through him too. Of course, the fact that he wore thick Daedric plate only amplified the electric charge. K and the woman dropped to the ground, smoke rising from them.

"Uh...K?" Nival prodded the Dremora with his boot.

"That wasn't funny," K scowled. "Use a Cold spell next time."

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you everything!" the woman groaned. "Please don't shock me again!"

"Alright, what's the scoop?" Nival grinned.

"We planned on stealing this ship-inn-thing and holding it hostage until the owner told us where his treasure was, but he won't tell. Our leader is in the captain's cabin with the owner getting the info," the woman whimpered.

"Thanks. Nighty-night," K grinned, jumping onto her neck.

"You didn't have to kill her, you know," Nival sighed. Eyja grabbed a dropped key and fitted it into the lock to the upper deck.

"Come on, we've gotta get to the bottom of this whole 'Murky Bandits' thing or whatever," she urged. Nival and K followed her.

"Don't move, or the girlie gets it!" a bandit snatched Eyja and held a blade to her neck.

"I don't have a clear shot!" K growled, whirling his chain-mace above his head. Nival held his shortsword at the ready...then his eyes widened as he came upon an idea.

"K...do you still have that Iron Mace?" he asked.

"Yeah," the Dremora replied.

"Make it into a Bosmerang again," the Dunmer grinned. K smiled evilly and put his chain-mace away, only to pull out his Iron Mace and bend it into a V.

"Are you trying to make a Bosmerang? That won't work. It's a mace. It doesn't have the right physics," the bandit chuckled. K hurled the mace far to the right of the bandit.

"Nice throw," Nival grinned. The Bosmerang/mace whipped back around and struck the bandit right in the back of the head, killing him instantly. Nival rushed over to Eyja and helped her up.

"You alright?" he asked, arm around her shoulders.

"I'm fine, thanks to you two," she smiled, looping her arm around his waist. K planted his foot in the dead bandit's back and yanked his mace from the man's head.

"Now, let's see...where the hell are we?" he muttered, looking around.

"All I see is ocean. No land, no nothing...but then again, it's pretty dark," Nival remarked.

"Let's head back down and check out the captain's cabin to see what's going on," Eyja suggested. The Dunmer and Dremora nodded, and the three of them walked through the door to the main deck and hopped the counter to open the door to the captain's cabin.

"Cramped in here," K remarked.

"That's because it's not built for an eight-foot Valkynaz," Nival chuckled.

"Oh, so you escaped. My guards didn't do a good job of keeping you in place, then," a woman with a naked blade in her hand frowned. The blade had a slight red aura to it.

"Help! She wants my precious!" a High Elf whimpered.

"She can have it, man, I don't even wanna talk about _that_," K turned and started to walk away.

"He means that treasure they were talking about earlier," Nival hissed.

"Oh. I thought he meant something...else," the Dremora chuckled. "Sorry."

"Well, I suppose I should congratulate you for making it past my companions, but I'm sorry to say that this is the end of the line. Besides, since I am the only remaining Brigand, I must recover the treasure," the woman brandished her sword in front of her. She turned as if to make for the High Elf. Nival leapt forward in order to block the slash from hitting the High Elf, but the attack was merely a feint. Nival saw the blade coming right for his neck...

"Wizzaah!" K roared, blocking the deathblow with his claymore. He pressed the offensive with the five-foot blade, then switched it out for his warhammer. The quarters were too cramped for his usual dual-weapon style, so K only had one weapon with which to crush and destroy things. The woman lithely ducked a two-handed warhammer swing, causing K to blast a huge hole in the side of the captain's cabin.

"Damn you!" the daedra snarled, swinging his hammer again. Nival dove into Eyja to prevent the two of them from becoming collateral damage. The hammer whizzed over their heads.

"Damn little ferret! C'mere so I can whack you!" the battle-crazed Dremora growled, turning a cabinet into an explosion of splinters. The Blackwater Brigand leader slipped behind K and swung a powerful blow with her sword...but against K's Daedric plate, the sword merely ricocheted away. K whirled around, hammer outstretched. The head of the weapon impacted right in the woman's chest, sending her careening into a wall.

"This isn't the last you'll see of...the Blackwater Brigands," she choked, blood running from her mouth.

"But...didn't you say you were the only brigand left?" Nival raised an eyebrow. The woman had no response. She was dead.

"Oh, thank you! I could've sworn that I was gonna die!" the High Elf cowering behind a desk sighed.

"The way K was swinging that damn hammer, we all could've died," Nival glared.

"Hey, nobody got hurt," the Dremora grinned.

"What about that woman?" Eyja pointed.

"Eh, we wanted her dead, anyway," K shrugged.

"I suppose I should thank you. I was sure she was going to kill me! I'm Olmir, by the way," the High Elf sighed.

"So...why'd she take the ship hostage?" Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you see...she thought that there was a treasure called the 'Golden Galleon' that was hidden upon this ship. It's merely-" Olmir began.

"'Golden Galleon'? What kind of dumbass name is that? Whoever named the treasure that was a complete moron," K snorted. He blinked.

"By the way...since we saved you, do we get the Golden Galleon?"

"That's the thing...it's not real," Olmir grimaced.

"Nival...my sword-arm is twitching...I can't restrain it, Nival..." the Dremora snarled.

"Why did you make up something like that?" Nival ignored the irritated daedra.

"Well...mostly to draw more customers. You know, Golden Galleon on the ship, adventurers come to look for it, they drink some, stay at the inn..." Olmir trailed off as K advanced on him with a claymore.

"Give me one good, gold-plated, rare gemstone-studded reason I shouldn't give this cabin a crimson paint job," the Dremora growled.

"I'll give you the bounty on this woman's head! I'll let you stay for free! Don't kill me!" the Altmer cowered, shielding his face pathetically with his hand.

"Let him live, K. He's an innocent," Nival rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Nival, he lied! He promised the Golden Galleon to us!" K protested, turning angrily toward the Dunmer.

"He never did any such thing. Besides, the thing doesn't exist, and that's that," Nival retorted, adding emphasis to his words by conjuring a fireball into his hand.

"Fine. Oh, and by the way, Nival, I have a thirty-five percent Resistance to Fire, so Cold or Shock would work a good deal better as a threat," the daedra sheathed his claymore. Olmir looked as relieved as he would've looked if someone had told him Tiber Septim had decided to protect him from harm forever.

"Well, you guys go to bed, get some rest, and by sunrise we'll be safely ashore!" Olmir said nervously, keeping distance between himself and K. The frustrated Dremora kicked the cabin door open, ripping it from its hinges, and stalked downstairs to his room. Eyja and Nival went to Nival's cabin, stepping over the charred remnants of the door.

"Wanna go to my room? I actually have a door..." the Nord woman smiled.

"Sure," Nival chuckled. They opened the door and sat down on her bed.

"You sure are a great wizard, Nival...blasting that door open, for the first thing...and the way you sculpt your magic, it's really...beautiful," Eyja murmured. Nival conjured a fireball, a ball of frost, and a ball of electricity, and juggled them, arcing them into the air and shooting them in between his hands.

"That's really cool...I wish I knew how to use magic. I always liked it, but my family...well, being Nords, nobody ever paid any attention to anything but axes, armor, and killing bears," she sighed.

"That's okay. I mean, I've got no real melee skill except for some training in the blade and bow arts," the Dunmer sorcerer shrugged.

"Could you...teach me?" Eyja asked. Nival frowned.

"I could, if I had the time. But...my friend K and I, we've got a real mission on our hands, and we can't exactly...sit around for a while," the Dark Elf shook his head.

"Are you with the Fighters Guild? Is that why you're both so good at combat?" the Nord asked, tilting her head.

"Well...we work for the Empire directly," Nival white lied. Eyja's eyes lit up.

"Wow, you're with the Blades! I knew it! But, where are your katanas?" she breathed, amazed.

"We're...undercover," Nival struggled with lying to Eyja.

"Wow...that's really cool. A warrior-mage and a...berserker, I guess. By the way, I meant to ask you...what race is K, exactly?" Eyja asked.

"Err...he's a...well...he's a Dremora," the Dunmer winced. Eyja gasped.

"A daedra? A demon?" she put a hand to her chest. Nival put his hand on the hand that was on the bed.

"It's okay. He's a good Dremora," he reassured. Eyja sighed with relief.

"Oh, good. I guess you wouldn't work with a bad Dremora anyway," she chuckled. They both suddenly looked at their hands which, almost by their own volition, had interwoven their fingers.

"I like you, Nival...you're a nice guy," Eyja spoke softly.

"I like you, too, Eyja. I hope that you don't forget about me when we leave. I'll be in Skingrad soon," Nival promised, squeezing Eyja's hand. Eyja smiled slightly.

"I'd like that..." she murmured, leaning toward him. They kissed briefly.

"We should get to bed. Fighting bandits of any kind is tiring," the Dunmer said. Eyja nodded. They shyly undressed to their underclothes (a navy shirt and khaki shorts for Nival, and, for Eyja, a thin purple camisole that reached to her mid-thigh) and slipped into the bed.

ooo

Morning came in the form of sulfuric Dremora breath in Nival's face. He awoke and almost hurled a thunderbolt at K, who stood over him expectantly.

"Can't sleep all day, Nival. Although, with her, I don't know..." the daedra chuckled. Eyja lay with an arm draped around Nival's waist. The Dunmer squeezed her shoulder in order to wake her up.

"Mmm...Nival," she murmured, opening her eyes. She was startled by K's presence, and drew the covers up to her neck.

"No worries, babe, you're not my type," the Dremora winked.

"K, will you please leave? This is trespassing on our privacy!" Nival growled, fed up.

"Uh oh! Will the guards come and make me pay five freakin' gold? I'm terrified, Nival, but we really do have to go, you know. Deal with the you-know-what of Kings," the daedra snorted.

"Let me dress, alright?" the Dark Elf grumbled, stepping out of bed and pulling his clothes on. Eyja stood and dressed as well. K winked at the Argonian girl who lay half-naked in his bed as they passed K's room. Nival groaned and shook his head. They walked up the stairs to the main deck.

"Good morning, my heroic friends! Here's the bounty from that woman. The guards looked very happy to see her...battered corpse," Olmir handed Nival a money pouch.

"Six-hundred forty-five...not bad," the Dunmer shrugged, emptying the pouch into his wallet.

"You're lucky we don't also take your pointy-eared head with us, ya bastard," K snarled, shaking a Daedric-plated fist at the innkeeper/captain, who shivered.

"Eyja...I'll stop by Colovian Traders when I'm in Skingrad, I promise," Nival said fervently. He kissed her gently, squeezed her hand, and walked out to the Waterfront, where K awaited his arrival.

"Alright...Chorrol, here we come!"

ooo

"Bloody trails...I hate inclement weather," K grumbled, shaking rain from the joints of his Daedric armor. "In Oblivion, it's too hot for water to exist in liquid form. We just drink lava."

"Liar. You don't drink lava. It hurts you like it hurts me," Nival rolled his eyes as they hiked up a long, muddy hill.

"How do you know? Do _you_ hail from Oblivion?" the daedra snorted. "I think _I_ would know."

"You drink crushed Bloodgrass. I've read the research texts on your plane," the Dark Elf chuckled.

"Your money or your life!" a Khajiit highwayman held a war axe at the ready.

"What is this, _Deal or No Deal_?" Nival snorted, preparing a fireball.

"Honest question?" K asked, hands reaching for his sword and hammer.

"Come on, it's simple—you say 'oh, no, here's the gold, fearsome highwayman!' or you say 'grr, I'm a silly fool, I want to fight,'" the Khajiit hissed.

"I think we choose your life," Nival hurled a fireball the size of a young bear at the Khajiit, who promptly burst into flame.

"I hate cats!" K roared, smashing his hammer into the highwayman. The Khajiit actually managed to land on his feet. He staggered toward K, who put his hammer and claymore away and pulled out his Bosmerang/mace. The daedra hurled the throwing weapon right at the Khajiit. The Steel Mace caught the cat bandit in the forehead and sent him into a full backflip. He landed flat on his back, dead.

"I'd always heard that Khajiit were acrobatic," the Dremora chuckled, yanking his mace from the Khajiit's head. Nival took the bandit's money, and K picked up the dropped Steel War Axe.

"It's awful late, and this ruined castle at least has some cover from this rain. Let's set up camp here and rest for the night," Nival suggested. K shrugged and pulled the tent from where it was tied across his back. The Dunmer took K's weapons and took out his Repair Hammer, fixing the imperfections in the weapons.

"I'll go get some dinner. You set up the tents," the Dremora told Nival, taking just the hand axe. The Dark Elf shrugged and started pegging the tents down.

ooo

"Hello, Mr. Deer. How are you today...the day of your death?" K snickered, cocking his arm back. The deer turned at the sound of a creaking armor joint, but didn't see the tomahawk hurtling at it until the axe punched into the side of its neck, snapping its spine.

"Sneak attack for 6x damage!" K pumped his arm. He pulled his axe from the deer, picked up the deer, and headed back to camp.

"Nice work, K," Nival grinned as he stoked a fire.

"You started a fire in this rain?" the daedra raised an eyebrow.

"If you recall, I can magically create fire with my mind," the Dunmer chuckled. K cleaned the deer blood from his hatchet and set the weapon with his assorted other tools of the trade.

"Ooh! I gotta go to the bathroom," Nival winced, getting up.

"Eh, we're both guys. Unzip your pants, I won't look," K shrugged.

"Err...I have bigger business," the Dark Elf replied.

"Oh, well, then...go on, I'll roast the meat," the Dremora blinked. The Dunmer walked off. K frowned as he thought about how he could roast the deer. There were no sharp stakes to be seen...he decided to impale the beast on his claymore and turn it over and over that way. All of a sudden, he heard odd noises.

"Urgh! Waaah! Yaaa!" Nival shouted.

"Dagon's name," K shook his head, "That's one hell of a dump!"

"Agh! K! Help!" the Dark Elf continued.

"Damn, Nival, this must be a two-flush megashit!" the daedra laughed, getting up. He walked over to where Nival had gone and found the poor Dunmer locked in a struggle with an angered Troll. The sorcerer's pants were around his ankles, and he didn't look like he was in any position to be much of a match for the Troll.

"Oh, so you weren't..." K blinked.

"Help!" Nival growled. K picked up the Troll, punched it in the face several times, then inverted the startled beast and leapt into the air, holding it by its waist. Using the Xivilai "Pile-Driver", he crushed its skull against the ground.

"Err...thanks, K. That was awkward," Nival blushed.

"Yeeeeah. Finish your business, and the venison should be ready," K turned and went back to the campfire. Nival came back and, sure enough, the meat was ready to be eaten.

"Mmm...venison," K said, tearing off a hunk of meat with his mouth. Nival did the same, and soon enough, the hungry heroes had eaten the entire deer.

"Man, that was good...I didn't know how hungry I was," the Dunmer sighed.

"Yeah, well, we forgot to buy food for lunch yesterday. All we had was breakfast at that Teabag place in the market," the daedra snorted.

"That's Feed Bag, by the way," Nival muttered.

"Whatever. Night, Nival," the Dremora crept into his tent.

"Yeah...good night, K," the Dunmer sighed, heading to his own tent as well.

ooo

Eight hours passed as though they were simply a small time window followed by twenty-second loading screen. Nival woke refreshed and fully healed. He even felt as though he'd gained a level (and who knew? What with his powers mysteriously vanished, these things happened). K awoke with a snort and yawned.

"Time to go?" the Dremora blinked. Nival nodded. K picked up his various weapons and fastened them in their respective positions. They nodded at each other, packed up their tents (onto K's back) and headed out for Chorrol. Several battles with wolves later, K and Nival reached a church-looking place.

"Say...I bet this is the place," K grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Now we can deliver the amulet and get paid."

"Err. K, the Emperor never said anything about paying for anything," Nival said, scratching his head.

"The hell he didn't! Why else would two Joe Nobodies do something as ridiculously complex as delivering some dinky Amulet of Bling to a nunnery?" the Dremora snorted.

"First off, that's Amulet of _Kings_, second, Weynon Priory is a retreat for monks, thirdly, he's the freakin' _Emperor_, K, he doesn't need to pay, he rules the place!" Nival rolled his eyes. "And I don't think this was very complex. In fact, it's a rather nice hike."

"Pardon me if I was ripped in a rather vicious fashion from my home and therefore don't swear fealty to the same mortal ruler that you and your kind do. I expect some kind of reimbursement for my effort," the daedra scowled.

"Oh, hello there! Are you two pilgr—_Dremora! Brother Jauffre!_" the monk's greeting turned to abject horror. He turned and tried to flee, but K's Daedric gauntlet caught him by the shoulder.

"Where can we find Jauffre?" the daedra pulled the monk two feet up so that their eyes were on the same level.

"The large building to the left," the monk whimpered. K nodded, dropped the monk, and waved Nival on. The monk collapsed, sobbing. K kicked the door open as usual, ignored the irritated monk, and walked up the stairs. Nival apologized profusely to the frustrated monk and hurried after his companion.

"We brought the Amulet of Kings, pal. Now, I want some cold gold for this," K dangled the amulet in front of a rather startled monk.

"Now what is the meaning of this? A Dremora with the Amulet of Kings?" the monk, apparently Jauffre, glanced back and forth between K and Nival. He reached for the amulet, but K pulled it out of reach.

"Money..." K rubbed his armored fingers together, producing sparks and lighting a book on Jauffre's desk on fire. Nival quickly extinguished it with a Cold spell.

"Look, brother Jauffre, the Emperor gave us this amulet and told us to bring it to you," the Dunmer explained.

"Why does a Dremora have the Amulet of Kings? It's a divine relic, and his Daedric hands-" the monk began.

"Hey, my hands are very clean. As opposed to your 'monky fresh' paws, which probably haven't been washed in a while," the Dremora narrowed his eyes.

"Please excuse K. He's...well, a Dremora," Nival sighed.

"And what's that supposed to mean, Nival?" the daedra whirled on the Dark Elf.

"Not now, K. Just give Jauffre the amulet, man, and we can get on with this," Nival snatched the amulet from the Dremora's grasp and handed it to the aged monk.

"This cannot be! Tell me what the Emperor said..." Jauffre, clearly confused, asked, running his fingers over the Amulet of Kings.

"He said something about the Prince of Destruction, and 'close shut the jaws of Oblivion'...and then he said that I had to stand alone...and he said give you the amulet," Nival replied.

"Well, the Prince of Destruction is Mehrunes Dagon, for certain. But the jaws of Oblivion...?" Jauffre pondered.

"Oblivion's separated from our plane...so what could he mean?" Nival frowned.

"Not so separated as you might think. Some Dremora I knew talked about Dagon's Invasion. Something about assassination, and a fanatical cult," K said gravely. "I think that's those Mythic Prawn people. With your Emperor dead, no representative of Akatosh can keep Dagon from sending his little welcome wagons to your plane."

"Welcome wagons?" Nival raised an eyebrow.

"It's a nickname for the siege machines. Bad stuff," K grinned toothily.

"I'll take your word for it. At any rate, you two have to secure the heir. I know what you may think, but Uriel Septim did have an heir...an illegitimate son named Martin, who is a priest in the city of Kvatch," Jauffre ordered. "Have some of this equipment. It's for traveling Blades, but...you might need it."

"Thanks, Jauffre," Nival smiled slightly. "We'll find Martin."

"What about the money?" K glared at Nival.

"Don't you get it? This isn't about money, the Empire is about to crumble!" the Dunmer hissed.

"Well, boo-frickety-hoo, Nival, but the money! We can't eat without money!"

"Come on, K, we've gotta hit up Kvatch. I'm sure they'll pay afterwards...right, Jauffre?" the Dunmer gave Jauffre a wicked look.

"Why, of course! The Imperial treasury will be halved for you!" the monk nodded earnestly.

"I hope you're telling the truth," K ran his fingers along the blade of his war axe.

ooo

"What's with the whole 'nonprofit hero' thing, Nival? We need money in order to survive, man!" K shook his head.

"We have thirty thousand septims at least from those damn Varla stones, K, why do you have to act like we're owed something? We're saving the gods damned world!" Nival growled.

"Oh, hey, look! A daedra shrine. Looks like Sanguine," K pointed. Nival looked up and nodded.

"You're right. Cool. I've been looking for these sorts of things," he grinned.

"Err, hi, daedra prince worshippers! I'm K, and this is my buddy Nival. We're wondering what it takes to summon good ol' Sanguine here!" K smiled cheerily, waving.

"A Dremora! An emissary of the daedra! All hail the emissary!" the worshippers fell to their knees.

"Look, we just want to know what to offer Sanguine, alright?" Nival rolled his eyes.

"A bottle of Cyrodilic Brandy," the leader of the cult said briefly to Nival before returning his attention to K. "All hail the emissary!"

"Too bad I don't have one on hand. Let's hit it, K," the Dunmer sighed. K waved goodbye.

"Later, creepy demon worshippers!" he smiled.

ooo

"Something's not right here...what's with the tents?" Nival frowned. K nodded.

"Yeah...I smell something...brimstone and sulfur," the Dremora sniffed.

"You mean like...?" the Dark Elf whirled.

"Yep. Oblivion," K said, his face statue-like.

"Run, you fools! Run while you can!" a crazed Altmer blabbered, grabbing Nival by the shoulders.

"The hell's your problem?" K tilted his head.

"They're here! They're here!" the elf shuddered.

"Who? Who?" Nival asked.

"The daedra, pouring out of the hell gate...there's no one left...no one..." the Altmer muttered wildly. He tore away from Nival and ran off.

"I really don't like the sound of that," the Dunmer turned to K.

"Yeah. Oblivion's no good," the Dremora snorted.

"You're from there, though, right? It's your home..." Nival furrowed his brow.

"Doesn't mean I liked it. Hey, for a lot of Dremora, senseless slaughter and brutal torture is great. But as for me...I kinda like your plane. It's pretty...and the people here want to help each other, for the most part. They're happy," K said quietly. "I think they deserve a chance. They deserve better than what Dagon's got planned."

"Wow, K. That's a really great thing to hear you say," Nival was taken aback by the daedra's sentiment.

"Time keeps on slippin' into the future, Nival. Let's get a move on!" the Dremora urged, pulling his claymore and warhammer off of his back. The Dunmer nodded in agreement, and the two of them ran up the slope that led to the city of Kvatch. Violent thunder greeted their arrival. Clouds filled the sky.

"Lovely. Thunderstorms," Nival sighed.

"They came awfully quickly. And the sky's red," K pointed out. As they reached the top, they stopped, breathless. A towering, spiked, fiery hoop stood erect in a scorched crater.

"Mara preserve us..." Nival stood paralyzed.

"We'll need more than her help, Nival. Let's do this," the daedra clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"What are you civilians doing here?" a guard captain approached them.

"We've come to save this city," K said forcefully.

"But you're a..." the captain trailed off.

"You want our help or not?" the Dremora narrowed his eyes.

"Just go and shut that gate if you can...if we could shut that gate..." the captain said helplessly.

"We'll do it. Come on, Nival, we've got a job to do," K turned to the Dark Elf.

"Right. Let's do it to it!" the sorcerer nodded, a fearless grin on his face.

"Steel yourself, bud. These gates hurt to go through," K warned.

"I'll take your word. No time to waste," Nival nodded. They sprinted past two Scamps and leapt into the gate. A wall of fire met them, then darkness.


	4. Dremora and Clannfear and Scamps, Oh My!

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

**Chapter Four: Dremora and Clannfear and Scamps, Oh My!**

"Fucking hell..." Nival groaned, face-planting onto the charred Oblivion gravel.

"That's about the feeling...and no, you never get used to it," K muttered, picking himself up. The Dunmer did the same.

"Nice place. A tad hot," Nival dusted himself off.

"Yah!" a human's voice came. The two of them turned to see a soldier fighting a pair of stunted Scamps.

"Let's help that guy," K said. Nival nodded, and they ran over to his aid. K snapped one Scamp's spine with a kick, and Nival fried the other with a thunderbolt.

"Thanks. It's good to see a friendly face from my own plane," the soldier sighed.

"Listen, we need all the help we can get, and a soldier's as good as any. Let's get going and shut this gate," Nival said, clapping a hand on the soldier's shoulder.

"Alright. I'll follow your lead, then," the soldier said grimly. The three of them ran onwards and found two Scamps blocking the way.

"For Kvatch!" the soldier yelled. He dashed in front of K right as the Dremora swung his claymore at the Scamp. The sword connected...with the soldier's neck.

"Oh, hell," K muttered as the soldier's head sailed through the air.

"It feels as though that killing was observed by forces unknown," Nival murmured as he grabbed a Scamp by its neck and electrocuted it.

"Well, whatever. He was probably a mediocre ally at best," K shrugged. They moved on toward the menacing tower in the background. They reached a fallen bridge and were almost pasted by a rockslide.

"Sheesh! Is everything dangerous here?" Nival yelped, leaping away from a vicious boulder.

"Yeah, well...it _is_ Hell," his Daedric ally chuckled darkly. Nival shook his head, and they walked across the bridge. A large, dark plant grew out of a boulder.

"Oh, hey! This must be...Harrada root! Fascinating! I must have a sample," Nival gasped.

"Err, Nival...there's one problem with Harrada. Well, it..." K winced.

"Ow!" Nival yelped as the rough root slapped him in the face.

"It fights back," the Dremora sighed. Nival yanked a piece off before the plant got second wind.

"Oh, look! Spiddal Sticks, too!" the Dunmer smiled.

"Hold your breath!" K warned. Nival nodded, held his breath, and harvested some Spiddal Sticks. Their poison didn't affect him since he wasn't breathing in.

"Thanks for the warning this time," the Dunmer chuckled. He heard an odd noise and barely ducked a fireball. He whirled and returned the favor to the Scamp who was standing atop a rocky outcropping. The Scamp caught the fireball in its chest and squawked one last time before toppling off the cliff and breaking most of his flimsy Scamp bones on the ground.

"So, how exactly do you close Oblivion gates, K?" Nival turned to his friend as they continued their trek through Oblivion.

"Well...I'm not sure, but I think there's a funky orb-thing called a Dragonball which, when you get all seven of them, grants you a wish, and-" K began.

"Uh...I don't think that has anything to do with Oblivion," Nival cut the daedra off.

"Oh, oh, sorry. I wasn't listening. Closing Oblivion gates? There's a funky orb-thing called a Fidget Stone which acts as a kind of anchor for the gate. Maybe not Fidget Stone...maybe it's Midget Stone..." the Dremora frowned.

"Sigil Stone?" the Dark Elf rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's it! Gidget Stone!" K grinned. Nival sighed.

"Anyway, when you remove the Sidget Stone, the gate collapses," K continued.

"Err...collapses? Like, on us?" Nival blinked.

"Well, I suppose so. I mean, we're in it, right?" the Dremora answered. His face suddenly dropped.

"Oh. I see what you mean. Wow. This is a problem," he frowned.

"Well, I guess we'll figure it out when we get there. After you," Nival opened the door to the huge, intimidating tower.

"What's this place called? Barad-dûr?" the Dunmer muttered. A signpost stood next to the tower.

"Oh, the Blood Feast. You guys have such pleasant names for your places," he sighed.

"Well, they weren't designed with taste and politeness in mind," K chuckled. A gigantic, pulsing ray of fire was in the center of the dark, ring-shaped room that the pair entered. A Dremora stood with his back to them.

"Who are you that dares intrude here?" the Dremora pulled his mace from his belt.

"Ah, shove it up your ass," K growled, pulling his chain-mace out and whirling it around his head once before letting it sail into the Dremora Churl. The force of the blow knocked the foe Dremora into the pillar of fire, immolating him immediately. Nival was taken by surprise as a heavy object collided with him and knocked him to the ground. Nival rolled onto his back and came face to face with an angry young Clannfear. The reptilian beast reared back to spear the Dunmer with its beak, but all it got was electrocution from Nival's Shocking Touch. The Clannfear was momentarily stunned by the electricity, giving Nival enough time to spring to his feet and hurl a lightning bolt and icy blast combo. The Clannfear staggered backward, then fell over, dead. K, meanwhile was being assaulted by a trio of Scamps. One was hanging on his arm, another was on his leg, and the third was hugging its knees to his back and covering his eyes with its spindly fingers.

"Nival! Help!" the Dremora roared, dancing about and trying to shake the annoying creatures from his body. Nival aimed a blast of Cold carefully and let loose at the Scamp on K's arm. It fell, shivering and paralyzed. With his arms now completely free, K reached behind him and yanked the Scamp off his back, then swung it down into the Scamp on the ground, killing them both. He pried the last Scamp from his leg and stomped on its chest.

"Well, that was amusing," the daedra chuckled. They walked over to a door that reminded Nival of an insectoid mouth. It opened with a odd crackling noise.

"Ah, the Rending Halls...been a while," K muttered.

"Rending Halls? We aren't going to get...rended...or rent, are we?" Nival shuddered.

"Don't worry. You might get speared by the wall spikes or impaled on a swinging trident if you aren't careful, but that rarely happens," the Dremora shrugged.

"Thanks for the encouraging thoughts," the Dunmer sighed.

"On the house, buddy," K grinned.

"Die, infidel scum!" a Dremora Churl wizard roared, summoning a stunted Scamp. K strangled the little monster whilst Nival engaged in a magical duel with the wizard. Curses and fireballs hurtled back and forth between the two sorcerers. Nival ducked a Minor Drain Health and let off a thunderbolt at the Dremora. The lightning made the foe wizard stumble, giving Nival an opening to throw a fireball pair at the wizard, finishing him.

"Nice work," K grinned.

"Thanks," Nival said, dusting himself off. They headed up a ramp and exited through another crackly tooth-studded door.

"Step carefully, Nival," K warned as they balanced on a rather thin pathway between two towers.

"Damn! Why are these things so narrow?" the Dunmer frowned.

"I have no clue. I mean, nothing wider than a Dremora can get across them. No Daedroth, no Atronach, no nothing," the daedra shrugged.

"Maybe Mehrunes Dagon got them for the feng shui," Nival chuckled.

"Fung shewy?" K frowned.

"Some Akaviri bullshit," the Dark Elf rolled his eyes. They entered the adjacent tower and heard someone crying for help.

"Why do you come here, mortal? This is a disgrace to...is that you, Krzjsdfblxt?" the angered Dremora blinked.

"Oh, h-hi, Janet..." K blushed somehow.

"This is a girl?" Nival gaped.

"Krzjsdfblxt is my _ex_-boyfriend," "Janet" ignored Nival's remark.

"Err...how've things been?" K said, studying his feet.

"Not so great. Apparently, you've been helping out the mortals, Krzjsdfblxt. Now, I'm not one to doubt that you have some amazingly awesome plan that is beyond my mere Caitiff intellect, but as I recall you're not so great at fulfilling plans. Like when you said you'd repaint my apartment and ended up lighting it on fire? Or when you said you could pay the bills but you instead lost more money gambling on Scamp races?" Janet growled.

"Hey, I did buy paint!" K pointed out.

"Oh, sure, but it was the flammable kind! How do you find flammable paint in a plane full of _fire_, Krzjsdfblxt? Everything here has at least thirty-five percent fire resistance! Flammable paint is like a bladeless sword: worthless! Like you, Krzjsdfblxt. Worthless!" Janet scowled.

"Okay, the criticism over the paint is valid, probably even deserved. And yes, I did gamble a little too much on the Scamps. But me, worthless? That only calls for one thing," K snarled, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, like what, Krzjsdfblxt? An apology? An empty threat? Or have-" Janet began. She was cut off as K's armored fist connected with her face, knocking her flat.

"Bitch," he growled. She got up and pulled her mace out.

"How dare you!" Janet roared, swinging the mace for K. He deflected the weapon with his left pauldron and elbowed her in the jaw, slashing her across the neck with the spikes on his armor. The Dremora Caitiff stumbled backward. K leapt for her and nailed her in the neck with a flying kick. She fell over, giving K enough time to pull his warhammer off his back and crush her head with it.

"Damn, K, talk about a rocky relationship!" Nival chuckled.

"She said it herself, '_ex_-boyfriend.' Besides, she's the one who recommended the paint to me," the Dremora Valkynaz shook his head. He picked up a dropped key. It was jagged, and made of Daedric metal.

"Better keep a hold of this," he handed the key to Nival, who pocketed it.

"Wait! Over here!" a man's voice came from above them. Nival and K jogged up a ramp and found a half-naked man in a cage.

"You're not in such great shape, man," K frowned.

"Don't worry about me! Look, up in that tower is a place they call the 'Sigil Keep.' If you take the Sigil Stone, you can seal the gate! But hurry! There's not much time!" the man said.

"Let's get you out of there," Nival suggested.

"No time! Go!" the man pleaded.

"Okay, all we'd have to do is rip the door off, but whatever you want, man," K shrugged. They exited and headed across the narrow bride into the Sigil Tower.

"Corridors of Dark Salvation, huh?" Nival grimaced as they entered another set of halls.

"Yeah. I don't know about you, but I never understood that. How could you have Dark Salvation? Salvation by its very definition is like holy and stuff. So you can't really have demonic salvation because it's evil. Evil doesn't salvationize stuff," K muttered.

"That word is save, not 'salvationize.' And we have company," Nival corrected. He loosed a thunderbolt from his hand, knocking a Dremora Churl against a jagged column. A Scamp ran at the pair but was clotheslined (and beheaded) by a swinging claw-like apparatus that fell from the ceiling.

"So those things attack you guys, too?" Nival snorted.

"Yeah. I guess it's Dagon's way of keeping us on our toes," K chuckled. His expression turned darker.

"Or it could be that he's the Daedroth Prince of Destruction, Chaos, and General Unhappiness and by that fact he's just sadistic. You know. I'm open-minded as to his motives."

"About that..." Nival barely dodged a triple-spike trap that erupted from the wall next to him.

"Probably the latter. But you never know," K shrugged, beheading a Scamp with his claymore. They exited to the "Blood Feast" through a nearby door and climbed a ramp to the top of the Sigil Tower.

"Isn't his realm also the 'bloody scourge'?" Nival asked.

"Yes, now that you mention it. Why?" K turned to face the Dunmer.

"I was just wondering what exactly that is. It certainly sounds painful," Nival replied.

"Well...I actually don't know. You'd have to ask him," K shrugged.

"I'm sure that oppurtunity will make itself readily available," Nival muttered, turning to the door in front of him.

"So...here's the lock, let's see if the key fits," the Dunmer remarked. He fit the key into the lock and turned...and the doors crackled open.

"You guys have locks that work off tumblers and springs?" the Dark Elf raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, it works," K shrugged. They jogged up a tunnel and entered a large room with an open roof.

"I banish you!" a Dremora Churl wizard rasped, hurling a trio of curses at the pair.

"Uh-oh, K, he Drained my Mercantile! Whatever am I to do?" Nival mocked, bringing his hands to his cheeks.

"I don't know, Nival! He Absorbed my Light Armor! Now how are we gonna fight him?" K shuddered, grinning. They turned and faced the wizard.

"Banzai time!" Nival screamed, charging his magickal power and hurling a very large and threatening electrical blast at the wizard, who was rooted in place by the electricity.

"_Boom_ shaka-laka!" K roared, smashing his chain-mace into the wizard, killing the Dremora Churl.

"You do not belong in such a sacred place!" a Dremora Caitiff snarled.

"You're ugly!" K beheaded the Caitiff.

"You're ugly? What?" Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I was under pressure! You're not exactly a Master of Speechcraft either. 'Banzai time?'" K retorted.

"Let's just seal this gate and get on with it," the Dunmer sighed. They walked over to the Sigil Stone.

"Err...this brings up the original problem...when we seal this gate, what happens to us?" Nival hesitated before taking the stone.

"Fuck it, man," K shrugged, pulling the stone out of its base.

"K! What are you doing?" Nival's eyes bulged.

"Taking the Sigil Stone. What does it look like?" the Dremora chuckled. The entire tower shook. Nival peered over the edge of the Sigil Stone's base.

"Uh...K..." he pointed. The daedra looked over the edge and saw a wave of immolating fire.

"Oh, crap, not again," the Dremora sighed. The world went white.

ooo

"You did it! You did it!" someone's voice entered Nival's head. He groaned and opened his eyes. Rain splashed his face, a pleasant feeling as compared to the hot, chafing Oblivion wind.

"Glad that's over with," K rubbed his head and got up. Nival picked himself up and shook the mud from his hair.

"But there's still much to be done in Kvatch! We have to free the city from the daedra!" the guard captain said. "I'm Savlian Matius, by the way. You must come with us; you've got much more experience than these men."

"Gotcha. I'm Nival, and this is K," Nival replied. As they organized the men, Nival turned to K.

"By the way, K...I heard Janet pronounce your name...but how exactly do you spell it?" the Dark Elf frowned.

"K-r-z-j-s-d-f-b-l-x-t," K spelled. "Oh, and she didn't pronounce it right. She never did, and she never will...mainly because she's dead, but also because she'd never listen to me when I told her the real way to pronounce it."

"Right. So...I'll just call you K," Nival nodded. K shrugged. They, along with the guards, jogged through a gate into Kvatch and faced numerous Scamps, Clannfear, and a single Dremora Churl wizard.

"I'll go for the wizard, you hit up the Clannfear and Scamps," Nival said to K. The daedra nodded and brandished his warhammer and claymore. Nival struck the Dremora Churl with a fireball to get his attention away from the guards who were valiantly though not very effectively battling the daedra assembled in their city. The Dremora wizard turned and tossed assorted curses at Nival as he (or just as possibly she) backpedaled. The Dunmer dodged the Dremora's spells and retaliated with his own, letting a Burden hex and a Drain Strength curse fly. The Dark Elf's strategy worked, and the Dremora wizard was rooted in place by his own weight. Nival proceeded to toss fireball after fireball until the wizard expired. He turned his attention to the Scamps and Clannfear, but K (with some meager assistance from the guards) had taken care of that problem.

"Excellent work! Now, let's regroup in the chapel, explain to the people that it's safe to leave, and move on to the rest of the city," Savlian Matius grinned eagerly. "We may be able to beat those bastards yet!"

"Err...hate to crash the party, Mr. Matius, but we came for Martin, the priest, and we can't really stay long..." Nival winced.

"Oh, it won't be but so long, not with your skills! Come on!" the guard captain urged. Nival sighed and shook his head.

"Fine. But we have to leave as soon as possible," he reminded. The captain nodded and led the way into the chapel, where a trio of guards was standing and discussing something.

"Report, soldier!" Savlian said to a tall Redguard woman.

"Sir, there are too many outside the castle for us to effectively get in. Orders?" she replied.

"We've got a little reinforcement with us. These two shut the gate outside the city, and they should be able to help us free up the castle," Matius replied. "Now let's go and liberate the city!"

"Yes, sir!" the woman nodded. They all ran outside and faced off with the onslaught of daedra. K rammed a charging Clannfear over and stomped on its chest. Nival knocked a Scamp down with a trio of Cold blasts. Matius was knocked unconscious several times by mortal wounds, but continued to get back up and fight hopelessly against a Dremora Caitiff and his Scamp minion. K finally eased his plight by beheading the Caitiff. Matius eyed the castle gates.

"No! They've locked the gates! Go back into the chapel and ask for the key. One of them should have it!" he growled. K eyed the gates.

"You're upset because _these_ are closed? Look, buddy, I've knocked down larger things when I was a fledgling Churl. This should be no problem," the Dremora Valkynaz chuckled. He backed up a few paces, then began sprinting full speed for the gates. K exploded through the first gate, sending shrapnel everywhere. The second toppled under his charge, and the third exploded like the first. The fourth was a bit thicker, and this did not suffer complete destruction. However, the hole K made was large enough for a full grown Daedroth to fit through, so no one complained. By the time they had charged to the courtyard where K was, the Dremora had already dealt with half the daedra there. Their assistance made the last few Scamps and Clannfear die that much more quickly.

"Alright, let's move into the castle! Find the duke, you two! We must get him out safe and sound!" Matius ordered.

"All due respect, Mr. Matius, but with daedra swarming all over the castle, there's no way that he's still al-" K began. Nival cut him off.

"Got it. C'mon, K, let's do it to it," the Dunmer said. They burst into the castle and found a pair of Scamps waiting for them. Two thunderbolts and a rib-shattering hammer blow later, the Scamps were down for the count, leaving Nival and K to face down a Flame Atronach.

"Careful striking it! Its body, as a result of being pure fire, also damages you when you hit. Also, using magicka helps restore its magicka," K warned.

"So...how do we fight it?" Nival blinked.

"It's got a fair weakness to Cold; chuck some ice blasts at it while I smash it back where it belongs," K pulled his chain mace off his back. "If I hit it from a distance, its fire shouldn't harm me."

"Right you are," Nival shrugged, charging a ball of ice in his palms. He released the magickal assault and knocked the Flame Atronach back a few paces. It hissed a grating, fiery hiss at the Dunmer and advanced on him. It was completely blindsided by the chain-mace blow that K dealt. When it turned, K swung the chain mace into the side of its head, knocking it sideways into a wall, where it crumpled to the ground. Nival nailed it with a pair of icicle missiles to make sure it was finished.

"We gotta keep moving. Who knows what condition the duke is in?" the Dark Elf remarked, urging K on. The Dremora nodded in assent and followed him. The pair of them vaulted a flaming chandelier, but Nival's pants caught fire. He ran around in circles howling about his pants before realizing that he could extinguish the fire with a simple Cold spell (not to mention the obvious fact that Dunmer have a quite remarkable resilience against flame and heat in general, rendering all but the most powerful fire useless). The pair of them burst through a door and bumped into a Flame Atronach, who set Nival on fire and flip-kicked K in the chin.

"That makes me angry!" K roared, grabbing the Atronach despite its flaming body and smashing it against the wall until its body faded to an ashy gray. Nival was rolling on the ground, muttering cryptic Dunmeri curses under his breath. When he was no longer a Dark Elf roasting over an open fire, Nival rose and punched an advancing Scamp in the face before gripping it by the neck and freezing its head solid.

"Man, I hate daedra!" he snarled. Seeing K's glare, he added, "The bad kind. You know I didn't mean you."

"Whatever," K rolled his eyes as he stuck his armored hand down a Clannfear's throat and pulled its stomach out before strangling it with its own esophagus.

"That's not physically possible," Nival pointed out. "You can't strangle something with its own windpipe. It'd already be dead."

"Regardless, it's as much fun as it would be if it were possible," K chuckled as the Clannfear ceased its struggling and died. He dropped the semi-eviscerated daedra and kicked a burning table out of his way. Nival cast a heal spell on himself to restore himself fully, then Convalesced K several times, healing the Dremora to full strength.

"Thanks for the quick fix," the daedra smiled before knocking a door down with his shoulder. They stepped into a room and saw a Flame Atronach standing over a body. Hoping desperately that the body was not the count's, Nival blasted the Flame Atronach against the wall behind it using a barrage of ice blasts. Its body dimmed, and it collapsed. K walked over to the body.

"Gilt trim...silk clothes...fancy jewelry...nearly severed neck...I'm afraid this is our count," the Dremora winced.

"Take his signet ring so we can at least keep some memory of him," the Dunmer sighed. K complied, pulling the ring from the man's stiff, dead finger. They exited the room and jogged through the burning, partly collapsed palace. Savlian Matius stood in the court hall with his sword bared and shield at the ready.

"The duke...why is he not with you?" the captain asked hesitantly.

"You know the answer," K said softly, holding out the slightly bloodstained signet ring. Matius sheathed his sword and took the ring.

"Kvatch will...appreciate your effort. You've freed the city. Now, I think you should go find Martin and leave. You've done much for us...we need time to mourn and rebuild now," the guard captain sighed, a tear slipping down his face. Nival hugged the man as the soldier sobbed quietly. K averted his eyes. When the captain and Nival separated, K put a hand on the soldier's shoulder.

"Hey, easy come, easy go, man. You're a good dude, plus you've got that nifty essential character invulnerability. I'm sure we'll meet again," the Dremora grinned. The guard captain nodded, then saluted.

"You're good warriors, Nival and K. You'll become famous pretty soon...trust me," Matius had an odd smile on his face. The Dremora and Dunmer smiled and left.

"Whew! I'm sure I've leveled up in all this commotion. Let's sleep before we take Darting and head for Ayleid Priority," K sighed.

"Well, it's nighttime anyway. And his name's Martin; the name of the monastery is Weynon Priory," Nival chuckled.

"You know what I meant," the daedra grinned, ruffling Nival's already messy hair. The Dark Elf punched the Dremora lightly on the shoulder. They entered the chapel and found everyone asleep.

"Let's rest and then go in the morning," Nival suggested. The Dremora yawned and nodded. They lay down on bedrolls, closed their eyes, and were out before they fully closed their eyes.


	5. Loud Drooler Temple, and Yucky Sewers!

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

**Chapter Five: Loud Drooler Temple, and Yucky Sewers!**

"You sleep soundly for a murderer. That's good. You'll have to have a heart of stone to listen to what I have to say," a chilling voice spoke in Nival's ear. The Dunmer screamed and leapt up, preparing to hurl a fireball at his unknown acquaintance.

"Who are you?" he asked, twitching with adrenaline.

"My name is Lucien Lachance, a Speaker for the Black Hand. And you...you are a murderer, a killer, one with a heart of-" Lucien began.

"Er...what are you talking about?" Nival frowned.

"The killing of that guard...didn't you feel it? The thrill racing through your veins..." the robed man grinned.

"Actually, that was me who killed that dude," K corrected, holding a claymore to Lucien's back. "Say the word, Nival, and he'll no longer have a stomach in his body."

"Keep it, K. Please continue, Mr. Lachance," Nival nodded back to the robed man.

"Ah, I find your manners refreshing. Anyway, I come to present an offer to you: join the Dark Brotherhood and find a new family with us. All I ask is one thing...in an old inn called the Inn of Ill Omen is an old man named Rufio. He is weak with age and guilt, and will offer no resistance. For this job, I offer you a virgin blade. It has not yet tasted blood, but in your hands I'm sure it will. I must take my leave now. May the Night Mother wrap her in her cold, loving embrace," Lucien handed Nival an ornate dagger in an equally decorated scabbard. The Dunmer pocketed the dagger and turned to look back at Lachance. The man was gone.

"Creepy," K muttered. The daedra sighed.

"Pretty cool, though," he grinned.

"The Dark Brotherhood..." Nival frowned.

"Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that..." K tilted his head.

"It's a guild of assassins. They're like Morrowind's Morag Tong, except that the Dark Brotherhood is illegal," the Dark Elf replied.

"Anyway, let's get Martin and head to Weynon Priory," Nival shook his head. The Dremora nodded.

"Martin! Martin!" K shouted, cupping his hands to his mouth. A man in a grey robe walked over.

"No need to yell, friends. You two must be the ones who saved this city. Anything I can do to help...I'd be glad to serve your needs," the man, apparently Martin, bowed.

"You need to come with us to Weynon Priory. The fate of the Empire is at stake," Nival said.

"Is this some kind of joke? What do I have to do with the Empire? I'm merely a priest of Akatosh..." Martin frowned.

"You're the son of Uriel Septim. The daedra came here for you," K added.

"Though I can see why they didn't find you. You're a scrawny little runt; they were probably expecting somebody along the lines of Talos or something," the Dremora snorted.

"This is unbelievable...yet I trust you. Lead the way, and perhaps we'll unravel this knot of fate," Martin sighed. K kicked a door open with his usual zest, and the three of them stepped out into the cold rain.

"Gods have mercy..." Martin looked with agony at the wreckage of Kvatch.

"Yeah, ten thousand demon warriors and a giant siege machine with a lava cannon will do that to a city," K chuckled darkly.

"I don't know what role a simple priest such as I could have in a crisis like this..." Martin murmured.

"The Gods put us all in their plan, so everybody's got a role. You won't get left out," Nival reassured. They exited the city and headed northeast.

ooo

"That's the fourth Goblin we've faced in five minutes. I hate Goblins. Why do there have to be so Gods damn many of them?" K muttered, beheading a Bitterfish Goblin Skirmisher.

"Quit complaining, K, we're almost there," Nival groaned.

"So...you are a daedra, correct?" Martin asked K uneasily.

"Yep. One hundred percent Dremora goodness. Why?" the daedra turned to face the priest.

"Err...why is a Dremora helping the Empire and the Aedra? Shouldn't you be on Mehrunes Dagon's side?" Martin responded.

"Primarily, I'm bound to Nival as his summon. But secondly, I think the Aedra deserve better than the hellfire that Dagon promises," K replied.

"Really? Wow," the priest chuckled, surprised.

"Look! There!" Nival pointed at a steeple. "The monastery!"

"Help! Help!" a farmer sprinted over to Nival, followed closely by none other than a Mythic Dawn agent. K beheaded the frenzied cultist with his claymore. The Dremora pulled his hammer off of his back soon after.

"What's going on?" Nival gripped the farmer by his shoulders.

"The Mythic Dawn appeared out of nowhere! They killed Prior Maborel before he could react...I think Jauffre is in the chapel! Hurry!" the frantic farmer shuddered. Nival and Martin turned and saw K clashing with three Mythic Dawn agents. Nival hurled fireballs at the cultists, while Martin unsheathed a glowing magical dagger and went to face the cultists up close and personal. When the three of them had finished with the cultists, they turned to the chapel and saw the doors splinter as a Mythic Dawn agent was tossed out. Jauffre chased the man out and impaled him with a two-handed Dai-katana. Four more agents ran out of the chapel and attacked Jauffre. The aged monk was surprisingly agile, not to mention a clearly accomplished swordsman. Nival would've been shocked if Jauffre turned out not to be a Master of Blade and Block.

"A hand would be appreciated," Jauffre growled as he neatly parried a Mythic Dawn agent's attack. K leapt into the fray with a battle cry and a sweeping chain-mace blow. He knocked two agents off their feet and brought the mace around in order to swing it into the prone body of one of the fallen agents. The man spat up blood as the mace impacted his chest, crushing his lungs. Nival fried the other supine agent with a stream of electricity. Jauffre and Martin finished off the other two agents.

"We must secure the Amulet of Kings! Hurry!" Jauffre waved them on. They stepped over Prior Maborel's body and rushed up the stairs into Jauffre's study. Through a secret door behind a bookshelf was a hidden room. Jauffre dropped his sword and fell to his knees as he saw the splintered desk in the corner of the room.

"The enemy has the Amulet of Kings..." he moaned. Nival put a hand on his shoulder.

"That's okay. We've got the Heir," the Dark Elf remarked. Jauffre turned to face Martin.

"Excellent. At least not all is lost. Come now, we must make sure Martin is safe. From there, we can decide on what to do about the Amulet of Kings," the monk inclined his head at the priest.

"But where can we take him?" K tilted his head. "The Mythic Dawn seem pretty knowledgeable if they knew where to get the Amulet of Kings."

"There is one place that remains secret and equally well-protected from prying eyes: Cloud Ruler Temple," Jauffre turned to face the Dremora.

"As much as I'm sure you have faith in your Plowgrueler Temple, I don't think it'll be much use for long. They'll find it, and then what will you do?" K narrowed his eyes.

"He's right. Having seen what they did to Kvatch, I know that Cloud Ruler Temple won't last long, either," Nival sighed.

"It will have to do. It's all we have," Jauffre bowed his head.

"I hope your Loud Drooler Temple can hold up as well as you say," the Dremora shrugged. They exited the monastery. Nival felt a sharp pain in his chest and clutched at his shirt. His hand caught a hold of a lump resting above his sternum. Nival gasped and fell over as the Necromancer's Amulet came out of his shirt. It was glowing a pale green shade. The Dunmer frantically tried to dislodge the necklace, but was unable. It seemed as though it were bonded to him...images flashed through his mind. A gigantic beetle-like machine stomped through melting snow...daedra ransacked the Imperial City...a nightmarish creature with six arms towered above a ruined temple...men in red robes marched across a scorched plain...

"Nival! Nival!" K's voice cut through the haze.

"K..." the Dark Elf wheezed. The Dremora picked his companion up and helped him stand.

"You alright? You look like a Light-Gray-Green Elf, rather than a Dark Elf," the Dremora chuckled.

"Fine...I'm fine. Let's get going," the mage gasped, pushing the Necromancer's Amulet back into his shirt. They headed to the stables of Weynon Priory, hopped astride several horses, and followed Jauffre's lead to Cloud Ruler Temple.

ooo

"Couldn't we have just fast-traveled?" Nival muttered, stretching his sore and raw crotch.

"Yeah...my balls feel like I've just stuck 'em in a waffle iron," K grumbled. The gates in front of them opened, and a Blade rushed out.

"Master! You're here!" he bowed.

"Yes, and I've brought the Imperial Heir," Jauffre responded.

"Cloud Ruler Temple has not had the honor of an Emperor's presence in a long time. Welcome, sir!" the Blade inclined his head toward Martin.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Martin replied. The three of them walked up the stairs, leaving Nival and K behind with the horses. The two partners sighed and followed behind the trio of high-rankers.

"Damn, it's cold here," K shivered, causing his armor to screech noisily.

"No crap. I wish I was back in Morrowind...or at least a nice beach town like Anvil," Nival hugged himself for warmth. Martin and Jauffre, along with the Blades, appeared unaffected by the temperature. The Dremora and the Dunmer reached the top of the stairs right as Martin finished some kind of speech.

"Not much of a speech, huh?" the Heir sighed, looking to Nival.

"Uh...I thought it was great," the Dark Elf responded. "You knocked their Blades Boots off!"

"They did seem to enjoy it," Martin smiled.

"Anyway, I think Jauffre wanted to have a word with you. I'm going into the barracks, where I can rest somewhere warm," the priest yawned, stretching. He walked off. The Grandmaster of the Blades, Jauffre, came over holding two Akaviri katanas.

"As Grandmaster, I'd be honored to accept you two into our order of Blades. What say you?" he offered the katanas to Nival and K.

"Why not?" K shrugged, taking his katana.

"Sure," Nival replied, taking his sword as well. Jauffre bowed.

"Now...we've got to find out a way to get the Amulet of Kings back. Speak with Baurus in the Imperial City. He'll know something, I'm sure. You'll find him at Luther Broad's Boarding House," the monk-warrior told them.

"Alright, K, let's get a move on. If we set out now, we can reach the Imperial City before dawn, when it's really crowded," Nival said.

"But we'll fast-travel, right? I'm not freaking riding a horse ever again," the Dremora scratched his crotch tenderly.

"Definitely," Nival replied. He highlighted the Elven Gardens District of the Imperial City on his map and clicked on it.

"Here we gooooooooo!" K grinned as they fast-traveled.

ooo

"Sit down slowly. When I get up, this guy'll follow me. You guys follow him, and then we can talk, alright?" Baurus said quietly as Nival and K entered the Boarding House.

"Sure, whatever you say," Nival nodded.

"Real cloak and dagger, this guy, huh?" K muttered, sitting on a stool. It creaked, then splintered, leaving K in a heap on the ground. Baurus got up and left, followed closely by a rather suspicious-looking man.

"Alright, let's go," Nival said. K picked himself up and followed Nival. They entered a basement and heard the sounds of combat. Nival charged up a fireball whilst K unsheathed his claymore. They came down the stairs and saw Baurus locked in a struggle with a man in full Mythic Dawn Bound Armor, complete with a Bound Mace. Nival slammed him against a wall with his powerful fire blast.

"Alright, search his body," Baurus said, sheathing his katana. Nival nodded and rifled through the man's possessions, finding a thick, purple tome that almost vibrated with energy. He opened it and felt his Destruction skill level up.

"This is one of the commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes! I've heard of these," the Dunmer breathed.

"Yeah, me too. Big Mythic Dawn stuff. You should hit up the Arcane University, ask for an Argonian named Tar-Meena. She'll know about that book, if anyone does," Baurus suggested. K nodded.

"Alright, well, let's go," the Dremora said. He and the Dark Elf left the building.

ooo

Nival stopped before they crossed the threshold into the Arcane University.

"Err...maybe we should ask her to meet us somewhere," he blushed, averting his eyes from the University.

"Why? She's just inside," K frowned.

"Hey, you're the moron who destroyed half the Arcane University!" a mage laughed.

"This is why," Nival held his face in his hands and let out a depressed sigh.

"Everybody! The idiot's back!" the same mage called.

"Let's just get out of here..." the Dunmer turned to walk away.

"I challenge you to a duel!" K roared, viciously backhanding the shouting mage across the face with his spiked Daedric gauntlet and sending the frail man spiraling to the ground.

"Akatosh save us...what have you done?" Nival looked to the sky, praying that Akatosh would answer his prayer. Either the Dragon God of Time didn't hear or was too amused by K's actions, because the mage angrily accepted K's challenge.

ooo

"Okay, K, I know this guy's style. I've sparred with him before, and he's a big fan of blasting away with Destruction. He's not very skilled in any other schools, but nevertheless he's got some interesting Illusion curses. Keep your eyes peeled and...what am I saying? You're a melee character. Get up close and bash the shit out of him!" the Dunmer rolled his eyes. K nodded while he stretched out. He took his chain-mace off of his belt and whirled it around as he waited for his opponent to come out. The mage walked out of the other side of the arena wearing a light suit of mithril armor. Raminus Polus (the referee) levitated out above the arena.

"Hey, they took levitation out of Oblivion!" Nival called, irritated. Polus scowled at the Dark Elf and turned back to his duties.

"You have both been turned into plot-essential characters so that you can only be knocked unconscious by your wounds, not killed. The first to be knocked unconscious will be declared the loser. Am I clear?" the Master-Wizard explained. The two battlers nodded and stood in ready positions.

"Begin!" Polus cried, levitating back over to an observation box. The mage loosed a lightning blast and a Weakness to Shock curse, both of which missed their target. K was much faster than the mage had anticipated. The Dremora ducked another Shock/Weakness to Shock assault and, with a primal roar of fury, swung his chain-mace as hard as he could at his foe. The mace slammed into the mage and sent him hurtling across the arena. He only survived because he had used his useful Breton Dragon Skin Greater Power before the match. The mage picked himself up, Healed Superior Wounds twice, and promptly vanished.

"Invisibility! Watch out, K!" Nival called from his seat in the stands. The daedra nodded and put away his mace, instead taking out his claymore and warhammer.

"I haven't seen a match this good in ages!" a Redguard beside Nival chuckled, taking a bite out of an apple. The mage suddenly reappeared right behind K, casting a Paralyze curse on the Dremora.

"Shit! You scrawny little spellslinging bitch, I'll pound your brains in! When this curse wears off, I'll-! Oof!" K's mouth was clearly not paralyzed, and his verbal assault was only cut off by the fact that he toppled face-flat onto the rough dirt of the arena's floor. The mage blasted K with Drain curses, thunderbolts, and all kinds of nasty spells until K's armor crackled with electricity and glowed red from heat. The daedra rolled onto his back, kipped up, and smashed the clearly surprised mage in the face with his warhammer.

"K don't take spells hard like no punk bitch Aedra, son!" the Dremora roared. "You gots ta hit 'im hard ta take 'im down!"

"How...? I drained my magicka pool..." the enemy mage sputtered, still seeing double from the vicious blow to the head he had just taken. K put his hammer away, wound back, and javelined his claymore at the mage. The spellcaster had barely enough time to duck the five-foot sword hurled at him. When he recovered, he looked up right into K's boot as it impacted the side of his head. The mage collapsed on the ground, groaning. K leapt into the air and came down into the mage's stomach with his elbow. The spellcaster bent up as the air was forced from his lungs. For good measure, K stepped back, picked up the mage, and brought him down with literal back-breaking force upon his Daedric plated knee. A sickening snap sounded throughout the arena.

"It's okay, folks, he's just unconscious!" Raminus Polus reassured the crowd. Boos sounded throughout the stadium.

"Kill the skinny sonofabitch!" someone yelled.

"Now, we will not have any of that, sir!" the Master-Wizard admonished.

"Stick it up your ass, Polus!" the Redguard next to Nival shook his fist at the Master-Wizard.

"Err, Poly, I hate to burst your bubble, but...this dude is very, very dead," K held the limp body of the mage above his head.

"No pulse?" Raminus Polus brought his hands to his mouth, face pale as a sheet.

"Nada," K shook his head.

"Um...well. You win, I guess," the Master-Wizard shrugged. K dropped the body and turned to the crowd. A roaring cheer rose as he held his hands high.

"K! K! K!" they shouted.

"Thank you! Thank you! I'll be back here soon enough!" K called, grinning like a hungry crocodile. He walked to the Bloodworks below the Arena and washed his face in the refreshing cool water out of a basin at the bottom of the stairs. Nival came down grinning.

"You made me a thousand septims, buddy," the Dunmer winked.

"Cool. Shall we get back to Tar-Meena?" the Dremora grinned.

"Sure," Nival chuckled. They walked off to the Arcane University.

ooo

K glared at mages who looked over at Nival as the Dunmer spoke with Tar-Meena.

"So good to see you again, Nival. I never was pleased with Raminus' attitude toward you, and I certainly regretted his decision to expel you. Now, you've come about the 'Commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes,' correct?" the Argonian smiled.

"Yeah. It's official Imperial business, and we'd like to know the connection between the books and the Mythic Dawn," Nival explained.

"Well, you can borrow my copy of the second volume. I hear that Phintias, the owner of 'First Edition,' is quite a book collector himself, and might have a copy of the third in the series. Unfortunately, I don't have the third volume, as it's quite rare, and I have absolutely no clue as to how to get the fourth. I've never laid eyes on one myself, nor heard of anyone who has," Tar-Meena sighed. Nival patted her shoulder.

"Thanks for everything, Tar-Meena. You've always been a great friend to me," the Dark Elf smiled. The Argonian smiled back.

"Oh, you're welcome. I must say, though, it's not entirely motivated by charity—I'm intrigued by this whole matter of mysterious messages and hidden texts. Bring me back any news at all of your discoveries," she chuckled. Nival and K left the room.

"She digs you, man," the Dremora punched Nival playfully on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I know. We dated for a little bit, but broke up a few months ago. She was very absorbed in her studies, as was I. We just didn't have time for each other," the Dunmer replied. He opened up the book under his arm.

"Well, it raised my Illusion," he grinned.

"Ugh, that's all just nonsense," K read over Nival's shoulder. "I don't get any of it."

"Nor I. Maybe Tar-Meena will understand its meaning," Nival sighed, closing the book.

"She's smart enough?" the daedra snorted.

"You don't understand—Tar-Meena's a genius. Her Intelligence has got to be higher than 100. Probably 110 or 120, maybe even higher," Nival replied.

"Wow. Smart girl," K nodded.

ooo

"Look, I'm sorry, but I already have it on reserve for a Bosmer named Gwinas. If you want to speak to him about it, he should be-" Phintias said, a little irritated.

"Listen here, buddy, if you don't give me the book, by Boethiah and Molag Bal, I'll crush your puny Aedric skull with my fist, got me?" K threatened, slamming said fist into the counter and splintering it.

"You can't threaten me in my own store. I'll call the Watch," Phintias returned evenly.

"Nival, you got forty-five septims?" K turned.

"Oh, yeah," Nival nodded.

"I will beat you within an inch of your life, Nival will pay off the guards, heal you, and then I will beat you within _half_ an inch of your life, then Nival will pay them off again, and I will continue to beat you within smaller and smaller fractions of an inch of your life, and Nival will pay off the guards, and then...uh..." K trailed off.

"What did we want from this guy?" he frowned, turning to Nival.

"The third volume of the Mythic Dawn Commentaries," the Dunmer replied.

"Right. And you'll give us the third volume of the Commentators!" K snarled.

"I'm here for my book," a Bosmer shouldered his way past K.

"Excuse me, short stuff, but I'm in the...say, what book did you come for?" the Dremora narrowed his eyes at the Bosmer.

"The third volume of Mankar Camoran's 'Commentaries.' Why?" the red-robed Bosmer asked suspiciously.

"Isn't that a shame! We just bought it!" K sighed, shoving eighty septims into Phintias' hand and grabbing the book.

"Now see here! I am very displeased with this treatment, and I'll never buy books from this establishment again! And I'll tell my friends that you're nothing but an unfaithful, greedy slut!" the Bosmer growled, spinning on his heel and leaving.

"Hey, buddy," Nival tapped the Bosmer on his shoulder.

"Yes?" the short elf turned.

"You do know that the Mythic Dawn are the ones who assassinated the Emperor, right?" the Dunmer said.

"Mara preserve us! I had no idea! I'm so sorry...here, a man called the Sponsor told me to meet him in the sewers. Please, don't call the Watch on me!" the Bosmer cried, tossing a note into Nival's hands and sprinting off.

"Let's talk to Baurus about this. I bet he knows a thing or two about the sewers," Nival read over the note.

"Sewers! Come on, Nival, that's gross! Tell me we aren't going to the yucky sewers!" K stuck his forked tongue out.

ooo

"Excellent news, Nival! I know that part of the sewers like the back of my hand. It's dank, dark, and smelly, and it's the perfect place for us to ambush them!" Baurus pounded his fist into his hand.

"Yuck," K muttered.

"Plus, the slick gunk and literal crap all over the place means that the enemy will be off guard if he doesn't watch his step. Heh heh heh!" the Blade grinned.

"_Ew!_" K cringed.

"Just don't faceplant. A friend of mine did that, and he ended up in the hospital for half a year with seven different diseases," Baurus advised.

"Err...I have more than a few bottles of Cure Disease potion," Nival offered.

"That'll help. It'd be nice if we were vampires and therefore immune to disease, but those'll be good enough," Baurus remarked. "Come on, let's go! No time to waste."

"This so freakin' sucks," K grumbled as they left the boarding house. They climbed down a ladder in a nearby garden and entered the dark, dank, and smelly sewer.

"Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck yuck!" K whined as Baurus led the way.

"Shut up, K, at least you're in full armor," Nival grunted, rolling up the legs of his pants so that rat droppings and other things didn't stain them. They trekked through foul gunk, slaying rats and mud crabs as they went along. At long last, the three of them reached an odd-looking wooden door.

"Right through here is a table where I'll meet with the Sponsor. I always wondered who put it there. I happen to know that there's a walkway that's got a good view of the table. You get my back, and I'll meet with the Sponsor," Baurus laid the plan out.

"Sounds good. We'll be watching you," Nival nodded. He and K walked up the stairs to their left and crept through the door to the walkway above the table. Sure enough, they had a good view of Baurus as the Sponsor walked in. Suddenly, two Mythic Dawn agents began to walk across the walkway toward K and Nival.

"Shit!" Nival hissed.

"Who said that?" the Sponsor whirled. "I told you to come alone!"

"Geronimo!" K roared, warhammer raised above his head as he leapt through the air toward the Sponsor. The hammer splintered the table, but the Sponsor had already moved.

"My father will kill you!" the Sponsor growled.

"So you're Raven Camoran!" Nival said, dodging a Burden hex and tossing a Damage Speed curse at the robed man.

"You'll die by my hand!" Raven snarled, hitting Nival square in the chest with an expertly aimed and shaped lightning bolt. The spell knocked Nival against a wall. The Dunmer caught his breath and ducked another thunderbolt headed his way. He threw a Cold spell along the sewer floor, freezing the sticky grime on the ground and causing Raven Camoran to slip and fall down. In a flash, Nival was over him, hurling spell after spell on the prone Camoran. After one final fireball, Raven expired. Nival turned to aid K and Baurus, but saw that the two of them had already taken care of the other three Mythic Dawn agents. The Dunmer searched Raven's body and found the fourth Mythic Dawn Commentary along with a strange ring.

"Well, we've got the fourth Commentary!" Nival announced. He slipped the ring on and felt power surge through him.

"No way...this can't be a Mundane Ring!" the Dunmer gasped.

"A what?" K turned.

"It's an immensely powerful magickal shield ring. I'd only seen one once before in my life!" Nival said, admiring the plain ring on his finger.

"Since we've got the last Commentary, let's get out of this yucky sewer and talk to Tar-Meena," K suggested. "It stinks in here."

"Alright. Well, I'm off to Cloud Ruler Temple. You guys stay safe now," Baurus waved, walking off. Nival and K left in the opposite direction.

ooo

"Finally, we're out of the yucky sewers..." K grumbled as he hoisted himself out of the sewer grate.

"Let's head to the Arcane University and show Tar-Meena what we've found," Nival said, opening the book and feeling his Conjuration rise.

"Right," K nodded. They set off for the University, unaware of the Chameleoned figure behind a bush near them.

"So...Lachance was right...they seek to bring about the Down's dawnfall...dur, the Dawn's downfall. Well, I suppose it's time to earn my keep around here," the figure chuckled, stroking his translucent dagger in its scabbard.

"That's waaaay creepy, dude," a young Khajiit remarked.

"How can you see me? I am master of stealth!" the wavy outline of the figure howled.

"Well, it's noon...I'm an Expert of Sneak...and you're sitting there talking to yourself whilst stroking your 'dagger'..." the Khajiit shrugged. The figure muttered to himself and ran off.


	6. Watch For Assassins, and Use, etc

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

**Chapter Six: Watch for Assassins, and Use the Folding Chair!**

"My goodness! Nival, this is...the fourth volume of Mankar Camoran's 'Commentaries'...I've never even seen one before!" Tar-Meena gasped, gazing at the book in wonder.

"Here are the other three," K handed her the weighty stack of books.

"Give me a day or so and return. I'm sure I'll have discovered the meaning in that amount of time," the scholar eyed the other three books. She walked off to the Arcane University courtyard, where Nival knew she would go to the library from.

"So...what shall we do?" K frowned.

"Hmm...Shall we head for the Arena and see what's up?" the Dunmer suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," the Dremora replied.

"You shall only meet the end of my blade!" a voice cried. An Invisibility spell wore off as a figure in hazy black leather armor unsheathed his sword.

"Err...terribly sorry, but who exactly are _you?_" Nival chuckled, surprised. The figure waved his sword for dramatic effect.

"I am a Slayer for the Dark Brotherhood...I drink the blood of my foes and bask in their pain!" he snarled.

"This guy shoulda been a Dremora; he'd fit right in," K muttered darkly.

"And most importantly...I am your doom!" the figure spat.

"Whoa, whoa, buddy, easy. We didn't do a thing to you, so chizzill," K held his hands up.

"You disrespected the Black Hand by refusing their invitation, and now your blood shall restore their honor! Die!" the assassin roared.

"No negotiating with this guy. Get ready, K!" Nival muttered, hurling a fireball pair at the assassin. The swordsman nimbly dodged the attacks and swung his sword at K. The daedra was far more agile than the assassin had predicted, however, and shunted the blow off his quickly drawn claymore. K ducked another slash and swung his two-hand sword into the assassin's side. His armor was remarkably sturdy for leather and did not slice easily, as K had expected. Some resistance was met, though the blade still grievously wounded the assassin. The swordsman kicked K in the chest and yelped with pain as his booted foot met unyielding Daedric plate. He limped backwards, dizzy with pain and fatigue. Suddenly, he vanished.

"Damn," Nival sighed, shaking his head. K shrugged and sheathed his claymore.

"I get the feeling that dude will be back once he's licked his wounds and worked up his insanity again," the Dremora muttered. Nival nodded, and the two of them walked off for the Arena District.

ooo

"You, a scrawny little Dark Elf, want to enter the Arena?" the Blademaster cackled.

"I'm his partner. We're entering as a team," K added.

"Oh. Well, with you on his side, he's got some chance. Well, you guys can go up, after you've put on your Battle Raiment," the Blademaster handed them two short, skimpy outfits.

"I'm not freaking wearing this," Nival grumbled. "What is this, 'Boner Jams Third Age'?"

"That makes two of us. Hey, you! We're not wearing these!" K said to the Blademaster.

"Well, then, you don't get to fight," the Blademaster crossed his arms. K picked up the man by his neck and lifted him against the wall.

"Maybe you didn't hear me. I said very clearly that your 'raiment' is for pussies, and I'm not freaking wearing it," the Dremora growled viciously, utilizing one of his many coercive talents.

"Err...right you are. Head on up!" the Blademaster's voice was high-pitched from K's armored thumb pressing on his windpipe.

"Sounds like a plan. Catch you later," the daedra winked. He and Nival walked up the ramp to the arena.

ooo

"Let the battle begin!" the announcer roared, "_Lower the gates!_"

"You shall die, pig!" the opposing Yellow Team swordsman snarled. The bowman fell back to cover his teammate. Nival nodded toward the bowman and K flashed him a quick thumbs-up. The Dunmer ducked an arrow and took cover behind a stone column to avoid another arrow fired at him. K whirled his hammer and claymore and engaged with the swordsman, who seemed more flash than fury. An arrow ricocheted off K's breastplate.

"Nival, come on!" the Dremora roared. Nival popped out from behind the column and hurled a fully charged lightning bolt at the bowman. Caught off guard, the Bosmer barely had time to attempt to dodge before the electrical assault blasted him into the wall behind him. A sickening crack sounded when his head hit the stone wall. K knocked his opponent's sword out into the air and shattered his ribs with a hammer blow. The now-disarmed foe lay on his back, wheezing in pain. K raised his sword for the traditional _misericordia_ and plunged his blade into the man's throat, killing him.

"All hail the combatants from the _Blue Team!_ Victors from the Blue Team, leave the Arena now and rest. You've _earned_ it!" the announcer roared. The crowd applauded K and Nival loudly as they walked down the ramp to the Bloodworks.

"That was freakin' fun!" K grinned as the two of them washed themselves off in the basin of water at the bottom of the ramp. Nival nodded, and the two of them walked over to the Blademaster.

"Great match, you two! You've got great teamwork, and that's always a good crowd-pleaser. I've got another match lined up for you if you want to taste more blood!" the Redguard grinned.

"Sounds great!" Nival nodded.

"Head on up, it starts in ten minutes!"

ooo

"Nival! Left side!" K called, pointing to the sorcerer who lobbed fireballs at the pair as they wove in and out of the blows of a pair of Nord swordswomen.

"You can take these two?" Nival asked.

"Yeah!" the Dremora grinned, whirling his chain-mace around. Nival fell back and tossed a wide fireball at the sorcerer to get his attention. The flame served its purpose, and the sorcerer focused his might on Nival. The Dunmer ducked behind a column to avoid a lightning bolt and leapt out with a double Drain Intelligence followed up with a Damage Willpower curse. The mental assault enfeebled the sorcerer and allowed Nival to finish him with a quick flame barrage. He turned and saw K kick a Nord in the face, knocking her unconscious. His chain-mace whirled into her chest, crushing her rib cage and killing her. The other Nord leapt up and plunged her sword through K's back. Nival almost screamed in horror as he saw the Elven Claymore drive through the Daedric armor and bury itself to the handguard in K's back. The Dremora took a split second to look at the blade stained with his purple-black blood before turning toward the Nord. She breathed heavily from exertion and froze as his eyes met hers. She was certainly tall, but still she had to crane her neck back to meet his eyes, which were full of crazed rage.

"K!" Nival cried. The Dremora seemed not to hear. He looked once more on the claymore that dripped with his blood, then back at the Nord.

"Brrrrrraaaaawwwwoooorrrggg! I'll rip out your shoulders and bludgeon you to death with your elbows!" K screamed before letting out a noise that could only be described as the ethereal howl of the angel of death, and he was on the Nord warrior before Nival's eyes could track him. His movements were unbelievably rapid, so fast that the Dunmer couldn't see his individual blows. All he could see was the crazed Dremora's blurred arms as he literally tore the Nord woman apart. He ripped her arm from its socket, savagely bit off a chunk of flesh and muscle from her shoulder, and held her with one hand as he ripped her jaw from her face with the other. When she was satisfactorily dead, K let out a deep breath and licked the blood off his lips and gauntlets.

"K, are you okay? By Akatosh, you're seriously injured!" Nival cried, running over to the Dremora.

"I'll be okay. Err...I don't have a great angle on it. Do you think you could, uh...pull the damn thing from my back?" K replied. His breathing was even, and his voice didn't even quiver, to Nival's amazement. The Dark Elf knew that, had he taken such an injury, he'd be dead for certain. Yet the Dremora seemed to act as though the claymore were a dart in his shoulder, or a slaughterfish spine in his leg. K knelt, and Nival braced himself with a foot against K's back. He gripped the claymore and, with a mighty yank, tore the blade from where it was lodged in the Dremora. Purple-black blood sprayed through the air. The claymore had massive corrosion all over the blade from K's highly acidic blood. Nival wiped the stinging fluid from where it stained his hands.

"Need a quick fix?" Nival bathed K in healing light from Convalescence.

"Thanks. For both favors," K grinned, clapping Nival on the shoulder.

"I'll need to repair your armor when we're done, but that's about it. You're damned unkillable, K!" the Dunmer breathed, patting his friend on the back.

"Like I said, you gots to hit K hard to bring 'im down!" the Dremora laughed.

"Holy shit!" the Blademaster ran to meet them as they walked down the ramp.

"What?" K raised an eyebrow.

"That Nord...she impaled you...yet you kept fighting...and you're still alive! What are you? Talos?" the wizened Redguard fell to his knees.

"Not hardly. Got anything else for us?" Nival chuckled.

"Get yourselves some lunch, and I'll see what I can work out with the Yellow Team. They're angry, so prepare yourselves for a tough battle," the Blademaster warned. Nival and K nodded, then left, heading for the Feed Bag.

ooo

"Incredible match!"

"You two are the best!"

"Blue Team! Blue Team!"

K and Nival waved at their various fans as they ate a light lunch at the Feed Bag.

"Two matches and we're already the talk of the city," K grinned. "Must be damned boring when we're not around."

"Considering you fought a foe while you had a five-foot sword in your chest, I'd say your fame is well-deserved," his Dunmer companion returned the grin. K finished off his sirloin and gulped down a bottle of Cyrodilic Brandy. Nival ate mud crab salad and sipped a glass of milk. A messenger ran into the restaurant and dashed over to the Dremora and Dark Elf.

"Masters Nival Valarin and Feydnaz Krzjsdfblxt! The entire Yellow Team has challenged you to a battle in the Arena! Do you accept?" the page gulped, bowing to Nival and K.

"Hell yeah, we do! Tell the Yellowbellies we'll be at the Arena in twenty minutes!" K pounded the bar with his fist, splitting the wood all the way down the length of the bar. The page nodded nervously and ran off.

"The entire Yellow Team? How many do you think that is?" Nival pondered, anxiety entering his voice.

"Ah, there can't be that many of them," K shrugged.

ooo

"Twenty-seven opponents? _Twenty-seven?_ As in three times nine? As in twenty-five plus two? As in-?" Nival's eyes bulged.

"We get it, Nival. Err...can we have any support? Like...from the Blue Team?" K scratched his horned head.

"Well, I sent up Porkchop the boar to help you out. Don't know if he'll be much help, but...should buy you a few minutes," the Blademaster shrugged. K and Nival looked at each other and sighed. They walked up the bloodstained ramp and entered the waiting area for the Arena.

"A freakin' boar. He sends us a freakin' boar and we're taking on the whole damn team..." K muttered as he shifted from one leg to the other uneasily.

"What the hell did we get ourselves into?" Nival groaned.

"Hey, man, we either win or we die, it's not like we'll live to be shamed," K shrugged.

"You ass! We've got to get the Amulet of Kings! We can't just die!" the Dunmer snarled.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," the Dremora said sheepishly. They reached the top of the stairs and saw a healthy, well-muscled boar about two feet tall shuffling around in the waiting cage. It sniffed them cheerfully and nuzzled K's leg.

"I guess this is Porkchop. Well, if we divide it up, we each have to kill nine guys. Got any ways to even the odds?" K frowned.

"I could summon an Atronach. That'll add a note of confusion, and it'll also keep some of their blows off our backs," Nival replied. K nodded, taking his claymore and warhammer from his back. He had since upgraded his arsenal to the now available Elven claymore and Elven warhammer. His chain-mace was newly polished, repaired, and oiled, and Nival had expertly worked his breastplate back into one piece. Nival kept an Elven shortsword at his waist in case he needed to flick the blade out in a close combat situation. They anxiously waited for the match to begin.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Imperium, welcome to the _Arena!_ Today we have a match of staggering proportions: two warriors and a pig versus the twenty-seven remaining Yellow Team members! Though they are famed as tremendous warriors, can the Dunmer and Dremora really face such terrifying odds? Let's find out!" the announcer guy said.

"Nival!" someone yelled from the crowd. The Dark Elf looked up and saw...

"Eyja!" he called. She ran over to the balcony above the waiting cage.

"I believe in you," the Nord woman said softly. She dropped a ring down into Nival's hand.

"Take it. It's a family heirloom, carved of Dragon bone," Eyja explained.

"I can't..." Nival looked at the ring in wonder.

"Promise me you'll wear it...I couldn't bear to see you out there in that hurricane without knowing I tried to help you," the Nord woman insisted. The Dunmer slipped the ring on his finger.

"Don't worry, Eyja. We'll be fine," K turned to her, grinning. Eyja attempted a weak smile, but it didn't come. Nival stood on his tiptoes, reaching for her. She leaned herself over the balcony and stretched her hand out. Their fingertips touched.

"I'll walk down this ramp by myself at the end of this battle, I promise," Nival whispered so quietly he himself could barely hear it.

"I'll be waiting at the bottom," Eyja murmured. The creaking of the gates lowering made Nival whirl and focus his power.

"Let's go!" K roared, swinging his claymore fiercely. Nival called forth a Frost Atronach as the Yellow Team flooded into the Arena.

"There're so damn many of them!" Nival yelped, diving to avoid a quintet of arrows fired at him.

"Hit the rangers! They're just gonna wear us down unless you go for them! The Atronach and I will keep the melees off your back!" K said, the Atronach nodding wordlessly in agreement with him. Nival nodded and concentrated his power into his hands. He drew and drew on his magicka pool, forcing enormous amounts of magicka into his palms.

"Chew on this!" the Dark Elf roared, releasing his pooled magickal energy. A fireball easily the size of a medium-sized house appeared as his magicka shaped into material form. It swept past the charging warriors, its heat wave knocking them off their feet. Two of the six archers managed to dive out of the way, but the other four and the three mages stood rooted to the ground in fear. The massive inferno blasted into them, turning them to ash almost instantaneously. Nival sank to a knee, exhausted from the immense release of magicka.

"Seven down, twenty to go!" K cackled, slamming his hammer into a warrior and knocking the hapless swordsman across the Arena, where he was impaled on a wooden spike.

"Make that eight!" Nival grinned, rising as he caught his breath. An arrow punched his shoulder, and he twisted from the impact. A golden shield softened the blow, but it still hurt like hell. Nival glanced at the Dragon bone ring Eyja had given him. It glowed a brilliant white-gold.

"So Dragon bone does have shielding properties," he muttered, roughly pulling the arrow from his shoulder. The Dunmer healed the wound quickly and resummoned his fading Atronach before tossing a quick triple-lightning-bolt at a warrior who was trying to trap K's claymore. The assault stunned the warrior, giving K just enough time to behead him before moving on to the next attacker. Nival whirled at the sound of footsteps and barely ducked a battle-axe headed right for his face. He threw a chilling Cold blast at his foe's legs and froze her armor in place. She struggled to move, but before she could free herself, Nival's Frost Atronach picked her up and slammed her against a stone column. K jump-kicked a claymore-wielding Redguard and followed him down, crushing his neck with a stomp attack. Nival tossed four fireballs at an archer, setting him on fire. The archer's agony was quickly ended as Porkchop tackled him and mauled him with his vicious tusks.

"Yeah, Porkchop! That's eleven down, and sixteen to go!" K pumped his arm. He, Nival, and the Frost Atronach quickly found themselves in a ring of opponents.

"I really don't like this at all," Nival said nervously as the three of them backed away from their advancing opponents. The Atronach made a sound like the north wind, apparently agreeing with his statement. K shrugged.

"It's easier for three to fight sixteen than for sixteen to fight three," he muttered. In an instant, the onslaught began. Nival found himself having to use his sword and On Touch spells in order to keep the foes away from him. A warrior grabbed him, holding a blade to his throat. Nival's skin blazed as fire erupted from every pore in his body. The magickal fire didn't burn his clothing or damage the Dark Elf himself; however, much less could be said for his opponent, who howled for a split second before Nival whirled, grabbed his throat, and electrocuted the man. Nival's Frost Atronach swung its frozen fists in destructive arcs, but its attacks were unfortunately predictable and easy to dodge. Nival was knocked flat by a violent Orc. She prepared to bring her hammer down into his skull when she was suddenly tackled. Porkchop squealed and gored her neck with his blood-caked tusks. Nival patted the boar quickly and got to his feet. K was valiantly battling a wall of foes, but because there were so many, he couldn't focus on any one target.

"Let's even the odds!" Nival roared. He rushed up to the enemies and leapt into them. He landed on two of them and electrified his skin. Their armor amplified the shock, stopping their hearts. Nival hurriedly got to his feet and ducked a sword.

"How many?" he asked K as he assisted the Dremora.

"Seven to go. Four have been killed since the sixteen mark," the daedra panted, exertion clear in his face. Nival knew the feeling. His chest ached from the constant magickal drain. Another assailant fell before K's claymore. Porkchop squealed in pain as a war axe buried itself in his flank. With a roar of protective fury, K smashed his warhammer into the axe-wielder's back, snapping said back cleanly. Nival quickly tended the boar's wounds with a powerful Convalescence and barely blocked a battle-axe with his shortsword. The supple Elven metal seemed to give with the blow, but it neither bent nor broke. Nival thrust his hand into his opponent's face and froze her head solid. She toppled, her head shattering as she hit the ground.

"Four...more..." K gasped, taking more hits than he returned. His armor was dented, and numerous arrows had pierced his plate where it was weakened from blows. He turned and twisted to the ground as a thrown war axe buried itself to the haft in his left pectoral muscle. K struggled to sit up. Nival fried the axe-thrower with the last of his magickal strength and fell to a knee. K stabbed his claymore through an opponent before falling to his back. A warhammer wielder stood over Nival.

"And now, you die," he cackled, raising the hammer slowly. Nival looked up, exhaustion and pain written in his features. Suddenly, the Necromancer's Amulet flashed.

"May the merciless embrace of frost take you!" Nival roared, his words seeming to flow from the Amulet rather than his throat and mouth. A fearsome mountain of ice speared through the man, killing him before freezing him solid. A man with a claymore speared K through the stomach, pinning the Dremora to the ground. With superhuman (and perhaps even superdaedric) effort, K pushed himself off the ground. A deep rumbling in his throat transformed into a roar of exhaustion, pain, bloodlust, and fierce denial. The Dremora cocked his arm back and slammed it into his assailant's face, shattering his nose along with the front part of his skull. The man fell, dead. K ripped the claymore from his belly and held it aloft before heaving it into the ground. The daedra fell to his knees before falling to his face. Nival smiled and fell over also. Porkchop stood between them, a sort of sentinel and perhaps monument to their victory. Nival closed his eyes and slept. It was _great._

ooo

"Nival?" Eyja's voice pierced his pleasant dream of sunny Morrowind beaches. Nival felt pressure in his palm and looked over to see Eyja holding his hand tightly, stroking his fingers with her free hand. When she saw he was awake, she began to cry quietly, kissing his hand.

"I can't believe you did it! You killed the entire Yellow Team!" she whispered.

"Don't forget me!" K grinned, reclining in the bed next to Nival. He was all bandaged up, and without his armor, for once. Even without the thick Daedric plate, Nival saw that the Dremora had an aura of power and impenetrability to him.

"Guess who else came to see you!" the Blademaster walked in with Porkchop in tow. The boar squealed and waddled over to the space between Nival's bed and K's. The two of them scratched the boar affectionately.

"We owe you our lives many times over, bud," K grinned at the boar. It snuffled and snorted, as if to accept his praise.

"You'll be the talk of the Arena for years! The entire Yellow Team...gone! Julianos bless me!" the Blademaster sighed.

"I watched your match, you two. You've got skill. Perhaps you'd like to face the reigning Grand Champions in a two-on-two match. That is...when you recover," an old woman walked into the room.

"And you are...?" K raised an eyebrow.

"Ysabel Andronicus. I train the Grand Champions. They've agreed to fight you whenever you feel like it," the old woman smiled.

"What time is it?" Nival asked, sitting up. He felt remarkably rested and fit. _I must've leveled..._ he thought, stretching. _You keep walking along, putting one foot in front of the other, and suddenly, one day, it all fits into place._

"It's around three in the afternoon," Eyja checked her watch.

"Shall we face them in an hour?" Nival turned to K.

"Sure!" the Dremora nodded, sitting up in bed and scratching his back. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to unwrap the bandages around his torso. He was completely healed under the wrappings. Nival stepped out of bed as well. His magicka felt recharged and ready for use.

"Where's our weapons and armor?" K frowned.

"In my room. I brought you here and paid for your rooms. Hope you don't mind," Eyja blushed.

"Not at all...thanks!" the Dunmer grinned. They followed her to her room, where K's newly repaired, polished, and oiled armor rested on a rack, along with his repaired weapons. Nival's shortsword sat next to K's weaponry. K fitted his armor on by himself as well as his weapons; Nival buckled his sword to his waist.

"We'll see you at the Arena," Ysabel inclined her head before she and the Blademaster left. Nival turned to Eyja.

"Your ring saved me. Thanks," he held the Dragon bone ring in his outstretched hand.

"No, keep it. You're helping out the Empire; you need it a hell of a lot more than I do. There will be a day when you can give it back to me," the Nord woman smiled. She kissed Nival chastely. K yawned and walked for the stairs.

"I'll be at the Arena, Nival. Meet you there," the Dremora called from the staircase.

"Your fight was so...so incredible!" Eyja smiled. "You're the best wizard I've ever seen!"

"You think so? Wow, thanks..." Nival blushed, running his hand through his grey-white hair. Eyja nodded.

"It was awesome watching you use your magicka...just all the destruction you could cause just using your mind and your will," the Nord grinned.

"Well...I mean..." the Dark Elf shrugged. "Any Dunmer worth his salt can do all that..."

"Hey, we'd better head down to the Arena so you can get stretched and ready and whatnot so you'll win that fight," Eyja took Nival's arm, and the two of them walked out of the inn. Nival received a resounding cheer from the people in the Market District as he walked out of the Merchants' Inn. K was surrounded by adoring fans and thus hadn't made it thirty feet from the Merchants' Inn.

"Nival! Telekinesify me!" the Dremora howled as people struggled and fought to touch and talk to him.

"Right!" the Dark Elf understood the daedra's butchering of a noun into a verb. The Dunmer Remote Manipulated K and lifted him from the grasp of the crowd, albeit with some difficulty given the Dremora's size and distance from Nival. Nival grabbed Eyja around the waist, and the two of them ran for the Arena District with K bobbing up and down twenty feet ahead of Nival. When they reached the safety of the Bloodworks, Nival set K down.

"Thanks for the save, bud," the daedra clapped a heavily armored hand on Nival's shoulder and bruised the poor Dark Elf. Eyja kissed Nival longingly and hesitated at the doorframe.

"I'll be waiting," she murmured. Nival grasped her hand and Fortified her Health, causing Eyja to gasp at the warm, comforting feeling.

"Don't worry; we won't be long," he winked before turning and leaving.

ooo

"Okay, the rules are...there are no rules. Fight 'til you die, using whatever you want. Agronak gro-Malog, that's the melee Grand Champion, he'll be using his Raiment of valor. Venshin Sterfuel, the sorceress, wears a custom enchanted robe. You two'll be in for quite a battle," Ysabel prepped Nival and K as they walked up the ramp from the Bloodworks to the Arena. "Now, you'll need nicknames, something for people to remember when they see your corpses dragged off. What'll it be?"

"Mmm...they call me Blaster Master," Nival grinned.

"I'm Bitchslayer," K chuckled.

"Eh, not bad. Good luck. You'll sure as hell need it," the old woman sighed. The Dunmer and the Dremora looked at each other and nodded as the door shut behind them.

"Eternal glory, here we come," K said, pulling his chain mace from his back.

"_Lower the gates!_" the announcer guy cried. Nival and K charged out onto the battlefield and were met by a lightning bolt assault.

"Damn!" Nival snarled, ducking behind a stone column. K followed suit, but their cover was quickly disintegrated. Nival called a Frost Atronach forth and cast a Major Detect Life. The sorceress was hidden behind a clever Chameleon 60 percent disguise, but Nival noted the imperfections in her concealment. He hurled an elemental triad attack of Fire, Cold, and Shock at the mage, but she nimbly dodged them and retaliated with a double Damage Health. K, in the mean time, was having a fierce duel with Agronak, who was a vicious and clever swordsman, even for an Orc. The Dremora had since put away his chain mace and come out with his claymore/warhammer combo. However, the Orc had numerous tricks and shunts for his sword and shield, and he used his athletic talent well. A misaimed spell from Nival scorched Agronak's shoulder, knocking him off balance. K took the opportunity to kick his foe in the stomach before whirling around for a backhand hammer swing to the Orc's chest. Agronak was tossed like a rag doll by the enormous force behind K's blow, but he quickly recovered. Nival ducked a Burden hex and sidestepped a Damage Magicka curse before hurling a fully charged fireball at the sorceress. It struck her full on...and suddenly was headed right back at Nival.

"Spell Reflection!" he yelped before being engulfed in fire. Had it not been for his race's exceptional Resistance to Fire, the poor Dark Elf would've been promptly immolated. As it was, Nival was only badly burned, something he quickly fixed with a Heal Superior Wounds. He rolled out of the way of an enormous lightning bolt and was suddenly face to face with a seven foot Orc with a very sharp sword.

"Gah! Sword to face: hurt pain!" Nival gulped, barely deflecting the incoming sword blow with a quickly cast Aegis and backpedaled, tossing a powerful Burden at Agronak. The hex made the Orc a little clumsy, but he quickly grew used to the added weight. However, his hesitation gave Nival enough time to cast Invisibility and sneak around behind Agronak. Nival electrified his hands and grabbed Agronak around the neck, sending powerful waves of electricity through the Orc's body. The Orc somehow had the Willpower to fight through the pain and grab Nival's hands, hurling the Dunmer into the air, where he crashed into the ground, the breath knocked out of him. Agronak loomed over the supine Dark Elf, his sword inverted and raised above his foe's stomach.

"_Nival!_" K roared, swinging his chain mace with all his might into Agronak. The Orc looked over and received a face-full of spiked metal. His skull was crushed by the blow. K turned to the sorceress who had been agitating him and pulled out his torqued Steel Mace.

"Spell Reflect this, bitch," he snarled, hurling the Bosmerang at her. She froze it in place with a Remote Manipulation and sent it hurtling back at K. It buried itself in his torso. K rolled his eyes and pulled out his claymore and warhammer.

"If that's the way you wanna play," he grunted, sprinting at the sorceress. She hit him square in the chest with a powerful fireball, turning the Steel Mace still imbedded in his chest to slag instantly. K's Daedric armor, however, was tempered to resist even the strongest of magickal heats, and as K had proven to Nival earlier, he had a thirty-five percent Resistance to Fire himself. So, even an extremely concentrated ball of flame had a snowball's chance in Oblivion of stopping the five hundred pounds of metal and daedra that charged the suddenly timid mage. Her decapitation was quick and smooth.

"Not bad," Nival grinned, rubbing his bruised back.

"Gonna need a new Bosmerang, though," the Dremora chuckled.

"Good people of the Imperial City, we have just witnessed history! The Grand Champions have been bested! Behold, your new champions: Blaster Master, and the Bitchslayer!...err...I meant to censor that!" the announcer roared.


	7. Keep a Cross Handy, and Don't Drink, etc

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

**Chapter Seven: Keep a Cross Handy, and Don't Drink the Punch!**

Nival and K carried the bodies of Agronak and Venshin down to the Bloodworks.

"Unbelievable! You defeated the Grand Champions...you're the best fighters I've seen in an age! Now, we must discuss your futures as combatants. Say, shouldn't we bring in some monsters, or...bandits? Yeah, that'd be neat!" Ysabel had quickly deteriorated into meaningless babble in her excitement.

"Err...sure. Hey, look, lady, we've got some work to do, but we'll stop by sometime, okay?" K raised an eyebrow. She nodded obediently, and the two heroes left. Tar-Meena was right outside the door to the Bloodworks.

"Good show, you two! That sorcery was impressive, Nival, and K, your fighting style is, well, unorthodox...but certainly effective!" the Argonian smiled. Her face grew more serious.

"Now, on a more relevant note, I believe I have figured out the secret meaning to Camoran's 'Commentaries.' By taking the first word of every paragraph, I have deciphered a message: 'Green Emperor Way Where Tower Meets Noonday Sun.' I've half a mind to go down to Green Emperor Way and find out for myself what that means, but unfortunately I have a Magister's Registration Exam to study for."

"Been studying 'Dwemer Folklore and History' and 'On Oblivion'?" Nival grinned. "I hated those."

"They are a chore. Not to mention I have a ten-page report on Umaril the Unfeathered due next Morndas," Tar-Meena laughed.

"Ugh. Man, I hate Ayleid History II. Although I found the Ayleid Empire a fascinating subject, the reading we had to do...well, certainly the books on the campaign of Pelinal Whitestrake were riveting; I'll concede that point," the Dunmer shrugged.

"Well, it's around dinner time. I suppose I should head back to the University. Make sure to update me on what you find at Green Emperor Way," the Argonian scholar-mage bowed and walked off.

"What a nerdy pair you two make," K snorted. "Books. Psh."

"Do you even know how to read?" Nival glowered.

"Do I look like a Churl to you? Of course I can read. I just don't read that stuffy crap you call 'history.' I'm perfectly fine with a skill book or a spell tome, but 'Dreamer Folk and Stories' or whatever you were babbling about...if it doesn't raise a skill or teach me a spell, it isn't worth the Encumberment," the Dremora shrugged.

"You know, there's something to be said about being worldly," the Dunmer grumbled. His Daedric companion shrugged and pointed.

"Hey, it's your girlfriend," he grinned. Nival blinked as a pair of arms threw themselves around his neck.

"You're awesome!" Eyja whispered in his ear.

"Thanks. Wasn't easy, though, and I never could've done it without K here," the Dunmer winked at his partner. The Dremora grinned.

"By the way, Nival, I have something to ask you..." the Nord woman said softly.

"Yes?" Nival turned to face her. She took his hand in hers.

"May I join up with you? I mean, on your trip?" Eyja asked, her eyes boring into Nival's spirit.

"It's a quest, by the way, and besides, Eyja, it's too dangerous...there are so many things that could get you killed, and resurrecting you is illegal. Plus, we promised the Emperor...you've got no such allegiance," K stepped into the conversation.

"No, you're right. I don't want to do it for the Empire...I want to be with you, Nival. I don't want to be somewhere else while you're risking your life. I want to be right with you, because whatever cause you're willing to die for, I will be willing to lay my life on the line for as well," Eyja squeezed the Dark Elf's palm.

"...Wow. You're awesome," Nival held the back of her head and kissed her gently.

"Come on, Nival...let's hit up the inn for some sleep and a level or two before we head over to Green Emperor Way tomorrow," K urged.

"You go on to bed. I'm going to stay out a little," Nival said. The daedra shrugged and headed to the Merchants' Inn.

"Where shall we go?" Eyja asked, looping her arm around Nival's waist. He slipped his arm around her shoulders.

"Waterfront?" he suggested.

"Anywhere with you," she shrugged.

ooo

K turned the corner in the road to the Merchants' Inn and was tackled by a lithe, lanky figure.

"What the hell?" the Dremora snarled as he slammed into the ground.

"Blood good food yum drink blood food blood need it yum yum yum food!" the crazed man cackled. K noted the man's unusually long and sharp canines.

"Ugh...vampire," K uppercut the vampire in the chin and shoved him to the ground. The Dremora got to his feet and pulled his claymore from his back.

"Food..." the vampire whimpered, curling his lip like a chastised child.

"I'm no food for you, buddy. My blood's acidic and poisonous; you wouldn't like it. Go suck some other guy dry," K waved the vampire off.

"Yum yum blood good!" the dirty vampire frowned. K rolled his eyes and walked toward the Merchants' Inn. The vampire tailed him, moving on all fours. K whirled at the door.

"Seriously! Leave me alone!" the Dremora snarled.

"Yuck yuck yuck..." the vampire licked his teeth and grabbed at K's leg.

"Ugh...like a dog. Don't you need blood or something?" the daedra growled. The vampire shook his head.

"No blood yum yum no more. Big big 'no blood because no yum yum for drink'," the vampire babbled. K understood what he meant, however cryptic the almost baby-talk was. Something powerful had told the vampire not to drink blood anymore for some reason, and the vampire had feared his master enough to deny his need and degenerate into a gurgling moron.

"Alright, you can stay around. But be quiet, alright?" K shook his head, turned to open the door, and turned back to find that the vampire was gone.

"What the heck?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Little freak...where'd he get to?"

ooo

Nival and Eyja sat looking out at the moonlit water of the Waterfront, arms around each other.

"Do you have battle gear?" Nival asked her.

"I have a Glass Shortsword and a Dwarven War Axe, plus some Mithril Armor. Is that good enough? I have some food, too, and some money," the Nord woman replied, laying her head on Nival's shoulder. Nival sighed, contented, and pulled Eyja closer with his arm. Suddenly, something pounced on him, knocking him from his perch on the wall overlooking Lake Rumare and sending the Dunmer and his unseen assailant into the water.

"Nival!" Eyja jumped up, calling his name frantically. Nival surfaced, gasping, and saw a strange man treading water next to him.

"Food blood good yum yum food good yay yum delicious!" the man bared his teeth, revealing pearly white fangs.

"Vampire!" Nival attempted to hurl a fireball, but nothing happened.

"Damn it! You cannot cast Ranged spells underwater!" the Dark Elf cursed.

"Big big friend yay yum yum bad blood food yum no eat," the vampire swam over to the frightened Nival and licked his cheek adamantly. Nival frantically swam to shore and backed away from the vampire, who followed him earnestly.

"No eat. No more drink drink yum," the vampire smiled at the Dark Elf.

"Nival, are you...what in the world?" Eyja breathed, raising an eye at the bestial man crouching at Nival's feet.

"Yum yum yum! No blood food good yum yay drink drink!" the vampire smiled, jumping ten feet into the air and landing on Eyja. He licked her amicably and turned back to Nival.

"Come moon blood big big bad blood?" he questioned.

"Big big bad blood? Wait...would this 'big big bad blood' be tall, wearing crimson armor, with purplish skin and horns?" the Dunmer asked the crazed vampire. The vampire nodded eagerly.

"Big big bad blood no drink yum yum food. Big big bad blood 'no blood friend yay stay.' Big big bad blood lair no food yum yum!" the vampire hopped up and down.

"Are you his friend?" Nival asked slowly. The vampire nodded again.

"Dog drink blood good yum yum yay!" the vampire said happily. He scampered a short distance away, then turned back to Nival with a questioning look.

"Come? Moon hoar bloods come?" the vampire tilted his head. Nival extended a hand to Eyja, who took it gratefully, giving Nival an amused look.

"He's an odd one. I've never seen a vampire act like...that," she chuckled.

"That's because you've never seen a vampire who hasn't fed in years. He doesn't even want blood anymore because he's so damn crazed. I doubt sunlight will hurt him now, but he's probably still got a fifty percent Weakness to Fire. We should follow him. I think he and K are pals, too," the Dunmer sighed. Eyja shook her head, and the two of them walked hand in hand after the vampire, who scampered in front of them on all fours.

ooo

K sipped at a mug of beer and turned as the door opened to see the frustrating, psychotic vampire.

"Big big bad blood now! Moon hoar bloods come big big bad blood!" the vampire was hysterically hopping up and down.

"I'll have nothing to do with you, you filthy beast! You won't get any of my blood!" the innkeeper snarled. The vampire frowned at the innkeeper and leapt into K's lap, licking the Dremora's face.

"He likes you, too, huh, K?" Nival grinned.

"Don't tell me he made friends with you guys," the daedra sighed.

"I think he's rather cute," Eyja chuckled. The vampire nuzzled her leg.

"Hoar blood yum yum yay! No more drink drink dog yum yay!" the vampire bent his head to scratch an itch on his neck with his foot.

"Do you have a name?" Eyja knelt down and scratched at the spot the vampire was trying to reach.

"Yum...yum..." the vampire purred. "No blood Greywyn. Yum..."

"What did he say?" Nival's eyes widened.

"Greywyn, I think. Why?" Eyja turned to face him.

"Greywyn was an unbelievably infamous vampire assassin who had an underground lair that no one could ever find. He was the terror of Tamriel for an age, and then he just up and vanished. If this is Greywyn..." the Dunmer frowned.

"Eh, he'll be a decent distraction if we ever run into some real trouble. Plus I bet he's got enough spunk to give Molag Bal a run for his money...or maybe Clavicus Vile...eh...maybe a Clannfear or two. Or a Scamp. Yeah, I'll stick with the Scamp," the Dremora sighed. Greywyn smiled widely and licked K's face.

"Hey, what's this?" Nival reached for a key hanging on a chain around Greywyn's neck. A Bloodstained Note was wrapped around Deepscorn Hollow Key.

"Huh...apparently Greywyn did have a secret lair far from all prying eyes. It's on a peninsula south of Leyawiin. We should check it out when we get the chance," Nival remarked, perusing the Bloodstained Note. He folded it and stuck it in his pocket.

"Suppose we should get to bed. We're bound to have a long day tomorrow, and it's late," Eyja remarked. She led Nival up to her room by the hand; K followed with Greywyn riding piggyback. K split from his Dunmer and Nord allies to head into his bedroom; Eyja opened her door, and she and Nival sat on her bed. Eyja unpacked her supplies and demonstrated what she had.

"Here's my food, armor, weapons, and money...also this weird little thing," Eyja showed Nival the last thing. It was a glowing green root that emitted a slight hum.

"Hey, that's nirnroot!" Nival gasped, snatching the root from Eyja's hands. The Nord woman eyed him curiously.

"What, exactly, is nirnroot?" she chuckled at the now riveted Nival.

"It's an unbelievably rare and endangered species of plant from pre-Ayleid times. It exists now only in very, very small populations. I doubt there's any more than one hundred of these in Cyrodiil. We'd best keep our eyes open for this; it's a definite collector's item," the Dunmer said softly, examining the specimen. "You harvested it well. You've got the fingers of an alchemist."

"Do I?" Eyja murmured, caressing Nival's arm with her fingers. He kissed her softly.

"Nival!" K roared. The Dunmer and Nord looked up. In a flash, Eyja had her armor on and was equipped with her Dwarven War Axe. Nival sprinted out to find K locked in combat with an angry vampire. Greywyn was frantically attempting to extinguish a fire that consumed his body. Nival put out the fire with a Cold spell and turned to the K's fierce struggle with the vampire. The bloodsucker had an electrified Glass Claymore, not to mention a well-kept set of Orcish armor.

"Chew on this!" Nival snarled, tossing a fireball. The vampire ducked it and punched Nival in the face.

"Blood...I need your blood!" the vampire hissed.

"Damn!" the Dark Elf clutched at his nose.

"You bloodsucking bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll eat all your dogs!" K roared, smashing the vampire's face into his Daedric-plated knee. The vampire hissed and staggered backwards, giving K just enough time to pick up a dresser and crush the vampire against the wall with it. Eyja drove her axe into the vampire's neck, decapitating him and transforming him into a pile of Vampire Dust.

"Good swing," K grinned at the girl. She smiled back. Nival Convalesced K and Healed Greater Wounds on himself.

"What the heck, man? Where the hell did he come from?" Nival asked.

"No idea. I was just gonna go take a piss when he just busts through the damn window and screams at me whilst swinging his sword," the Dremora shrugged. Greywyn hopped up and down agitatedly.

"What's up, Greywyn?" Eyja patted the vampire on the head.

"No bloods all here all here! Run run bloods run run! Drink drink bloods no bloods no no big big bad!" the crazed vampire howled.

"Err...did you understand that?" K frowned.

"Is a no blood a vampire?" Nival asked Greywyn. The lanky vampire nodded, eyes wide.

"I think he means that we're surrounded by vampires," Nival answered K's question.

"You've got that right, you blood balloons" a Breton vampire said.

"Blood balloons? What the hell is that?" K raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I was a little pressed, okay? I'm only an Apprentice of Speechcraft," the vampire sighed.

"Damn right. That was the crappiest-" the Dremora began.

"Give us Greywyn's key," a Redguard vampire cut the daedra off.

"That's just rude," K whirled his weapons. "Decapitation time."

"Catch," Nival tossed the key up before hurling a fully charged double-fireball assault at the three vampires assembled in the hall. They burst into flames and began screaming at the top of their lungs as the fire consumed them. Nival caught the Deepscorn Hollow Key and pocketed it. He stepped back and let K and Eyja handle the distracted flaming vampires. Greywyn climbed up Nival's back and peered at his kin over Nival's shoulder. The Dunmer was surprised at how light the eccentric vampire was. He only Encumbered Nival by fifty. Greywyn yelped with surprise as an arrow punched into his shoulder.

"Nowhere is safe!" a vampire hissed from her perch in the shattered window in K's room as she nocked another arrow to her bowstring.

"Damn! Where's Van Helsing when you need him?" Nival growled, slamming a Blazing Grasp into the vampire's chest and dusting her instantly.

"Or Wesley Snipes!" K grumbled.

"We gotta get out of here! It's too tight for a battle!" Eyja called from out in the hallway. K nodded.

"They've taken the stairs! We can't get down that way!" Nival growled, noting the vampires swarming up the stairs. K put away his weapons.

"What are you-?" Eyja began, cut off as the Dremora drove his shoulder into her stomach and hoisted her over his back. The daedra snatched up Nival and Greywyn in the same manner and backed up a pace before charging the wall of the second-story inn room, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"You freaking idiot!" Nival howled as the four of them dropped through the air. They smashed into the Market District pavement, creating a spider web of fissures in the cobblestone.

"Well, my Acrobatics skill increased," K wheezed, getting to his feet. A vampire knocked the door to the Merchants' Inn down. Nival quickly Convalesced K and tossed a few fireballs through the doorway to keep the vampires busy.

"Man, the Legion's everywhere when you're a petty thief, but when people are in real danger, they're sitting on their asses getting drunk somewhere!" K grumbled, decapitating a vampire and turning him to dust. Nival stuffed the dust in his pocket for further study and turned back to the fray. A vampire tackled Eyja and attempted to bite her.

"Nival!" she screamed, trying to push its face away with her hands. Nival set his body on fire and dove into the vampire, dusting him instantly. Eyja murmured a thank-you and plunged her sword through a vampire's heart, dusting it and preventing it from attacking Nival. Greywyn roundhouse-kicked a vampire that got too close to K, setting it up for the guillotine blow that the Dremora so enjoyed.

"Damn! These guys again!" a Legionnaire grumbled, eyeing Nival and K.

"Who do we help? Neither of these groups are our friends..." his buddy frowned.

"Have they committed any crimes?" the first one asked.

"Who?" the second tilted his head.

"The non-vampires," the first clarified.

"Ah, of course. No, they haven't," the second nodded.

"Then let's sit back and wait for one of the groups to commit a crime, and then arrest them," the first grinned. "Easy."

"Damn, you're so smart. I never would've thought of that," his partner chuckled.

"That's why we're partnered up, buddy. It's a learning experience," the first guard smiled warmly.

"Where are these freaks coming from?" K snarled as more vampires flooded out from the Merchants' Inn.

"I have no idea!" Nival summoned a Flame Atronach and added to the golem's fiery assault with a fireball trio of his own. The vampires disintegrated in the inferno. No more came out. Eyja turned and pointed confusedly at the Imperial Legion squad assembled a few yards from them.

"What the hell, man? Why didn't you guys help?" K narrowed his burning red eyes.

"Er...twelve of the night's watch and all's well," one of the Legionnaires mumbled.

"These guys are gonna kill me one day," Nival rolled his eyes. "Let's get some sleep. We've got a long day tomorrow."

ooo

Eyja awoke to find Nival gone from their bed. She checked K's room and found the Dunmer, K, and Greywyn sitting on the floor, conversing.

"One hour to noon. We'd better head over to Green Emperor Way as soon as...ah, here she is," Nival smiled at Eyja. The Nord woman blinked sleep from her eyes and sat down with them.

"Hoar blood burner yay now. Burner middle. Yay bloods go go go yay!" Greywyn nodded sagely, a grave expression on his face. The four of them got up, grabbed their things, and left the inn, heading for Green Emperor Way. Soon enough and oddly a half an hour later, they had reached their destination. The shadow of White Gold Tower fell almost on a rather out of place tomb. In the sunlight, Greywyn had narrowed his sensitive vampire eyes, but luckily he hadn't burst into flame as vampires usually did.

"Well, we're a little early, but...whoa," Nival froze as crimson lines suddenly appeared on the tomb in front of them.

"Holy crap...it's like those three-dee picture things that, when you squint, you can see cool shit," K breathed.

"It's a map of Cyrodiil...Nival, gimme your map," Eyja said. Nival handed her the map. With the red marker, the Nord marked a spot on Nival's map.

"Lake Arrius Caverns..." the Dunmer remarked, eyeing the map.

"Let's fast travel. I really don't want to fight right now, not after last night," K sighed.

"You _don't_ want to fight something?" Nival mocked a gasp.

"Shut up or I'll crush you like a soda can," the Dremora threatened good-naturedly.

"Err...what's fast traveling?" Eyja asked. The Dunmer and daedra grinned at her.

"You're about to find out, love," Nival said. He opened his map and clicked on Lake Arrius Caverns.

"Here we goooooo!" K howled.

ooo

"Ouch!" Eyja yelped as she face-planted. Nival and K landed on their feet, accustomed to fast travel. Greywyn rode on K's back. The Nord picked herself up. The four of them walked through the swinging wooden door at the front of the cave and stepped carefully through the inky darkness.

"Sun blood there. Us bloods here, sun blood there," Greywyn pointed, using his keen vampiric senses to denote the cult member around the bend.

"Dawn is breaking," the Mythic Dawn member tested.

"Greet the new day," Nival bowed.

"Up ahead is the warden," the cultist sentry noted. K nodded before rather casually snapping the man's neck.

"Damn cult freaks," the Dremora snarled.

"Careful! You'll blow our cover," Nival hissed. The warden met them quickly.

"Give me your things and you can head in. The Master is giving a sermon," the warden remarked.

"Ah...no," Nival replied.

"I'll give you one more chance. You must give me your things, and then you can go see the Master," the warden insisted.

"We're not here to see the Master," Eyja took out her war axe.

"Then you are here to die," the warden conjured a dagger right as Greywyn leap-frogged over K's head and landed on the warden's shoulders with startling force, crushing the man's spine.

"Sun blood all not! Yay yay no drink not sun blood no go!" the vampire smiled back at his three friends.

"Wow," was the consensus. K smashed the door into splinters and pulled out his claymore and warhammer.

"Come on, you freaky daedra-worshipping bastards! I'll bite your legs off!" the Dremora howled, whirling his weapons for effect. Nival stepped out from behind him and summoned an Aegis just in time, deflected a barrage of Bound weapons hurled at the four of them. Greywyn scampered out in front and quickly tackled a Mythic Dawn member who was trying to sneak away. The vampire tore the man's throat using his fangs out but turned away from the blood, as was his custom. Eyja and K charged forward, cutting a large swath through the cultists. They quickly came upon a rather small door, which Greywyn entered easily, as he was on all fours. Eyja and Nival had to duck a little, and K had to pinch his shoulders together and nearly bend over double in order to fit through. They came into a cavernous room with a huge statue of Mehrunes Dagon on a raised platform, where who should stand but Mankar Camoran.

"Amazing...that's really him...Camoran," Nival breathed, in awe of the infamous wizard.

"And the great Dagon shall come, and-" Mankar Camoran preached.

"Shove it up your ass, Camoran!" K roared, dashing down the stairs while spinning his chain mace around his head.

"Infidels! Derka derka derka jihad!" a cultist howled, summoning Bound Boots and a Bound Dagger. K smashed his mace into the cultist, crushing her rib cage. Eyja buried the hatchet (hers) into a Mythic Dawn member's neck, grievously wounding him. Greywyn stuck close to Nival, guarding the Dunmer's back as they headed for Camoran himself.

"You shall never escape the Master's vigilance," a woman growled, tossing a lightning bolt at Nival.

"Ruma Camoran, huh?" the Dark Elf chuckled.

"You are Nival Valarin. Surprised?" the woman grinned. Suddenly, Greywyn leapt clear over Nival and landed on Ruma's chest. He rode her to the ground, slashing at her with his nails and pounding her with his fists and feet.

"No. But I bet you are," Nival left Greywyn to deal with Ruma and turned to face Mankar, who was backing away from the Dunmer.

"What do you hope to accomplish? Killing me will do nothing to stop my Master," Mankar Camoran hissed.

"You're right. It'll make it a hell of a lot easier to stop him, though," Nival growled. He dove for Camoran, but the wizard had already opened a portal and vanished.

"Damn!" the Dunmer stomped. He looked at the stone pulpit and gasped. A thick grey book rested on a reading stand.

"No...it can't be..." Nival could barely even hear himself speak the words. He picked up the book and suddenly felt immense power flowing in his veins.

"The Mysterium Xarxes..." he whispered, opening the book. A flaming eye pierced his skull.

"Agh! Sauron's Lidless Eye!" he hissed, flipping the page quickly. "Wrong dimension!"

"What'd you find?" Eyja limped over to Nival, blood weeping from a gash in her leg.

"You're hurt!" the Dunmer cried, healing her with a powerful Convalescence.

"I'm better now," she smiled, kissing his cheek. K came over for his Convalescence, as did Greywyn. They all looked at the book Nival held in his hands. The Dark Elf opened the book and gazed in wonder at the pages.

"Wow...this is...could you guys quit reading over my shoulder? That really bugs me," he grumbled.

"Sorry," K and Eyja shrugged. Greywyn clambered up onto Nival's back and peered over the Dunmer's head at the pages.

"Bizarre," the Dark Elf breathed, gazing at the occult runes and at times graphic images.

"We'd best get this to Martin quickly. It's givin' me baaaad vibes, man," K remarked.

"You're right. They say that the Mysterium Xarxes is a talisman of remarkable evil energy. Don't want to hang onto this for too long," Nival agreed.

"Big big six red big no no yuck," Greywyn agreed.

"Right you are," K chuckled.

"Derka jihad infidel derka!" a Mythic Dawn cultist howled, pointing at the heroic quartet.

"Great," Eyja sighed. They quickly dealt with the angered cultists and moved on, retracing their steps through Lake Arrius Caverns. They finally burst through the wooden door and took deep gulps of fresh, nighttime air.

"Damn, it feels good not to be in that dank cave," K stretched and yawned.

"Let's hurry back to Martin; this book is getting oddly warm," Nival adjusted his grip on the Mysterium Xarxes. Suddenly, a battle cry alerted them to the presence of...

"Not this clown again," K grumbled as the Dark Brotherhood assassin materialized again.

"Sithis will revel in your slaughter, you scum!" the assassin howled, unsheathing a heavily enchanted Ebony Longsword. He made to strike Nival's head from his shoulders, but Eyja's Dwarven War Axe intervened.

"Not on my watch!" the Nord snarled, kneeing the assassin in the stomach. Winded, the Dark Brotherhood Silencer returned Eyja's assault with a roundhouse kick to the side of her head. She cried out and toppled to the ground right as Nival launched a massive tendril of electricity from his hands. The lightning bolt struck the assassin dead on and sent him hurtling into a tree, which he hit with such force that he flew straight through it, snapping it in two and shattering the bones in his arm.

"Fifty points for the tree!" K grinned. Nival helped Eyja up.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Fine, just a little dazed," she rubbed her head, putting her axe away. Greywyn held something in his hands.

"Bloods! Bloods yum yums!" he called, hopping up and down. K took the slip of paper from the eccentric vampire and glanced at it.

"It's a treasure map...well, if not, it's a map with a rather large, red 'X' marking a spot or 'the' spot," the Dremora remarked. Nival took it from him.

"Huh. It's got a mark on..." the Dunmer consulted his own world map, "Sundercliff Watch. That's an abandoned fort supposedly built over a cursed Ayleid city. Wonder why that half-assed excuse for a killer had this on him..."

"Drink big big six red big hand tooth," Greywyn said.

"What? What's a 'hand tooth?' And what's 'big big six red big?'" Eyja turned to Nival.

"He mentioned the 'big big six red big' when I had the Mysterium...is that Dagon?" the Dark Elf looked at the vampire, who nodded his assent. "So what's the 'hand tooth?'"

"Swish! Swish!" Greywyn seemed to be pretending to swing a sword.

"Mehrunes' Razor!" K gasped.

"Well, that explains the Dark Brotherhood's connection," Nival shrugged.

"What, exactly, is Mehrunes' Razor?" Eyja asked them.

"It's a dagger that can send souls straight to Mehrunes Dagon. Nasty piece of work," K grimaced.

"Well, we can discuss this later. For now, we've got to get this to Martin," Nival said. He opened his map, clicked on Cloud Ruler Temple, and the four of them vanished right before the Dark Brotherhood Silencer induced a rockslide that would've flattened them.

"Come on! Sithis, do you hate me?"

ooo

_Deep in the void, the Dread Father shook His Magicka 8-Ball._

_"Heh heh...'Definitely'...sad, sad mortals..." He chuckled, languidly setting the awe-inspiring device back onto His nightstand._


	8. Bloody Daedra And Lifestyles, etc

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

_Note to Shalaman: Most of those things I already planned out. Thanks for your input, though!_

**Chapter Eight: Bloody Daedra and Lifestyles of the Rich and Undead!**

"Martin!" K shoved open the doors to the Blades Chapel, letting in a rush of wintry air.

"Did you kill Camoran?" the priest/heir stood up expectantly.

"No such luck. However, we did manage to snag a little souvenir," Nival grinned, handing Martin the thick grey book. "The Mysterium Xarxes, sir."

"By the Nine! Such a thing is dangerous even to handle!" Martin gasped, dropping the book onto the table as though it were a burning coal.

"You're Martin? I'm Eyja, partnered with Nival and K," the Nord extended her hand in greeting.

"Eyja," Martin took her hand and bowed.

"Greywyn no blood! Yay yum big big burn tick tick blood," the bizarre vampire hugged Martin's waist.

"That's Greywyn. He's a vampire, but he doesn't drink blood, and...yeah, that's why he's...yeah," the Dark Elf sighed. The vampire bared his teeth in a smile and hopped back over to Nival's side.

"Well...I've got to research the Mysterium, but I heard that Jauffre has a problem for you, so you should check it out," the priest/heir remarked. The four of them turned to face Jauffre, who was right behind them the whole time.

"Creepy," K muttered almost inaudibly. Nival glared at him.

"Well, you four, I have a task for you. There have been reports of spies hanging around the Doomstone. Ask Captain Steffan for more info," the Grandmaster of the Blades said. He promptly walked off.

"Okay," Eyja raised an eyebrow.

"You'd think he'd go into more detail if it were such a big problem," her Dunmer companion sighed. They turned and walked out the door.

"Ah, sir, there you are!" Captain Steffan greeted Nival. "I'm sure Jauffre already told you about the spies. They've been appearing around dusk and dawn, so...they should be out there now. Check it out! I'd love to get my hands bloody, but we're not allowed to leave."

"Righto," K pulled out his chain mace and dashed down the stairs. Nival, Eyja, and Greywyn tailed him, hurtling down the steep, snowy slope toward the Doomstone.

"Dawn is breaking!" was heard above the clamor of K shouting and smashing things. Nival chuckled, amused at the unfolding scene. A Mythic Dawn agent was running terrified circles around the Doomstone as K chased her with his mace. Nival nailed her with a Burden hex, rooting her in place. K slammed his mace into her skull, crushing it and killing her.

"She's got a note and a key on her," the Dremora remarked as he looted her.

"'Jearl's Orders,' huh? Greywyn, you take this to Jauffre and come back when you're done. Eyja, K, and I will head on into Bruma and check out what we can find on these spies," the Dark Elf said, handing the slip of paper to the vampire. Greywyn snatched it and tucked it into a pocket of his worn Black Wide Pants before scampering nimbly up the slopes. K chuckled at the vampire's antics, and the three of them headed into Bruma.

ooo

"What a crappy shack..." K muttered after having kicked the door in as usual.

"Case the place. Look for anything suspicious..." Nival ordered.

"Eww..." Eyja shied away from a moldy piece of bread.

"Don't be a wuss, Eyja," the Dremora grinned. He yelped with surprise as a pair of Fisherman's Waders fell onto his head. The daedra fell to the ground, apparently wrestling with the clothing.

"You damn cultist bitch, I'll kill ya! I'll eat you alive! I swear, I'll-" K roared, tearing the thick leather waders apart.

"K, that's clothes. Not a Mythic Dawn agent. Clothes," Nival said in a soothing, slow voice.

"I, uh, I knew that. I was just making sure it wasn't a possessed...pair of pants," the Dremora replied defensively. Eyja stubbed her boot on something and knelt down.

"Over here, boys! There's a trapdoor, but," she tugged on the door's latch, "it's locked."

"Does this key fit?" Nival muttered to himself, pushing Basement Key into the thick padlock on the door. Sure enough, a simple turn opened the padlock, granting the three of them entry to Jearl's basement.

"What the hell? You aren't Jearl!" a woman grunted, surprised.

"Your deductive reasoning is mind-blowing," Nival snorted, charging a pair of fireballs.

"So...you're enemies?" the woman's eyes widened.

"Damn straight!" K roared. "Die, fanatic freak!"

"Wait-" the woman never had the chance to finish her sentence, as K promptly smashed her into a wall with his warhammer.

"Look, a lengthy, detailed note. More orders!" Eyja perused the Jearl's Orders 2.

"So...did these two chicks dig this whole place themselves, or...what? Was this conveniently located secret tunnel complex here the whole time, waiting for some evil cultist to buy this house and use it to spy on Cloud Ruler Temple?" K remarked, looking the place over.

"Maybe they had it dug for them. They must've used some kind of service for that," Eyja shrugged.

"What, the 'Evil Lair Construction Co.?' 'We build your base of operations for your anarchist/demonic/just plain bad plans so that you don't have to waste your valuable diabolical time making it yourself'? That's awfully suspicious," the Dremora chuckled.

"Point," the Nord sighed, grinning.

"But seriously...who made this? I mean, it's pretty cavernous, and-" the daedra continued.

"We should head back to Cloud Ruler Temple and see what's going on," Nival cut in. A creaking board made them all freeze. Soft, almost silent footfalls echoed in the Bruma Caverns. A shadow...

"Bloods!" Greywyn cried enthusiastically, hopping up and down with excitement.

"Sheesh, Greywyn, you scared me!" Eyja grinned, picking up the vampire in a hug. Greywyn licked her neck affectionately and perched on her back.

"What's happened back at the Temple?" K asked.

"Big big scorch tick blood no blood 'dog hand yum!' Hoar big big bad moon bloods yay yum where? Greywyn no blood yay, dog bloods yum drink drink!" the vampire explained.

"Uh...right. We'll head back," Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Big big burn tick tick blood 'blood big big bad! Drink bloods big big bad here yay, Greywyn yum!'" Greywyn added. The vampire licked his teeth and smiled.

"Yeah...did either of you guys understand that?" K muttered.

"Nope," Eyja laughed, scratching the vampire behind his ear. He kicked his leg and scrunched his face up, clearly enjoying the attention.

"We've got no time to waste. If anything has happened, we need to be there," Nival said.

"Yay yum!" Greywyn agreed, nodding. They set off.

ooo

"The first part of the passage was easy enough to translate. It specifically states a need for the 'blood of the Daedra,' most likely a Daedric artifact. I happen to know of a shrine east of here, the Shrine to Azura. You four had best get on that while you can; no telling what the Mythic Dawn will think up next," Martin explained.

"You sure know a lot about this," Nival raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I used to be a hippy. All the shit I smoked led me to believe that the Daedroth Princes were the way to go. But then I realized something: hippies are stupid as balls. So I converted to the Nine, and here I am," the priest/Heir replied.

"Hippies..." K shuddered. He kicked the door out of the main hall open and the four of them set out east from the Temple, turning their heads to the driving wind. Greywyn was the only one in the party who seemed entirely indifferent to the freezing cold and gale-force winds, though his only clothing was his Black Wide Pants. Loping in front of them, the eccentric vampire sniffed around and kept turning back to look at them like an eager hound.

"I may have a Nordic Resist Cold 30, but this is damn cold," Eyja muttered.

"I can feel my balls shrinking," K agreed.

"Come on, K, we have a woman here! Keep it G-rated," Nival scowled.

"Damn game's rated M now, up from T, so I'm allowed to swear and say nasty things. Sex!" the Dremora yelled. "Weiner! Puberty!"

"Bloods!" Greywyn called, his voice almost lost in the howling wind. The three of them squinted to see the vampire through the snow. He was perched on a cliff top.

"Big big burn-cool big!" Greywyn pointed. Nival saw a looming shadow.

"The Shrine to Azura...?" he muttered. Sure enough, when they reached the vampire, the Shrine to Azura came into view.

"Hopefully these guys won't think I'm some sort of Daedric emissary of great power," K sighed. As they walked into the clearing, the daedra worshippers prostrated themselves before K.

"Damn it..." the Dremora grumbled.

"All hail the Daedric emissary of great power from Azura!" they chanted.

"How can we summon Azura?" Nival asked.

"Glow Dust, offered at dusk or dawn," one replied.

"It's a little past dusk...let's see if she'll take some," the Dunmer murmured, pulling some Glow Dust from his Ingredients section. He sprinkled it on Azura's Shrine.

_Mortals...and Greywyn...I have seen you in my LSD halluc—star readings, and I know your futures...four warriors long ago dusted a great vampire lord but were infected with his curse. Their pain annoys me, and I really can't do anything on this plane, damn it. Free my chosen, and receive my token of gratitude._

"Wacky," Eyja blinked.

_Wacky? I'm a god! I'll smite you, you spindly little—_

"You wanna go?" the Nord pulled out her war axe.

_Bring it, bitch! I'll cap yo' ass!_

"Ladies, ladies..." Nival rolled his eyes.

"Big big burn-cool big hoar blood yuck bite!" Greywyn agreed, perched on top of the statue's head.

_Just go to the Exhausted Mine...damn it._

ooo

"This is creepy..." K muttered, brushing a spider web off his shoulder. Greywyn led the other three, his superior vampire senses aiding the relatively mundane trio behind him. K had his warhammer (now Glass) and his claymore (also Glass) bared; Eyja had upgraded to a Glass war axe, and Nival had his palms surging with reined-in magickal flame. A bloodcurdling screech filled the dank cavern air.

"Blood!" was the only word that could be made out.

"Bad no bloods!" Greywyn howled, hopping up and down. A crazed, hunched-over Orc barreled around the corner, waving a warhammer angrily.

"Damn!" Nival and Eyja uttered the same word as they dropped to the ground to avoid being slammed into the rock walls of the Exhausted Mine. K performed a flying dragon-kick to the Orc's chest, knocking her back a pace, while Greywyn set her twisting with a double-tornado kick. Nival unleashed his magickal fire, which caused the Orc to be completely immolated almost instantaneously.

"Vampires sure hate fire," K remarked, eyeing the pile of dust and armor where the vampiric Orc once stood.

"You're pretty adept at martial arts, Greywyn," Eyja patted the squatting vampire.

"Big big 'no blood tear yum.' Big big 'hand tear yay Greywyn.' Now tear yuck bloods," the vampire replied sagely.

"Gotcha..." Nival chuckled, shaking his head. They crept through the tomb-like mine and came face to face with another psychotic vampire.

"Drink all the blood! Drink it like wine!" she screamed, swinging a mace back and forth as she approached. Greywyn hopped forward to meet her in battle and punched her mace away from where it would've struck him in the side. The supple Elven metal that made up the mace actually torqued from the force of Greywyn's blow. The bestial vampire dodged a roundhouse kick from his foe and slipped between her legs before pinning her arms behind her back.

"Tear, bloods!" Greywyn called. No sooner had the words left his mouth than Eyja had whipped out her Glass shortsword and plunged it into the vampire's heart. The bloodsucker was instantly turned to a pile of dust and what remained of her armor.

"These guys are pretty old. They're dusting pretty quickly," Nival remarked as he quickly repaired Eyja's sword. Greywyn spat some Vampire Dust out of his mouth and shuddered.

"Bite," he grumbled.

"The way Azura talked about them, it sounded like they had been around a long time," K observed,

"That dumb bitch? Pssh...a goddess, yeah, right...I could take her," Eyja growled, irked at the mention of the Daedroth Prince. They stepped carefully down a slick incline and were almost all laid out by a pair of swinging mace traps. K was struck in the face, but Nival and Eyja managed to duck the remaining mace, and since Greywyn was hunched over on all fours, the mace swung right over him.

"Gods freaking damn it!" K tore the mace trap out from the rock ceiling, causing a small pile of rubble to crumble and hit him on the head. Angered, K punched a hole in the cave wall and increased his Hand to Hand skill.

"Must've been the wind," a Breton man's voice echoed down the hall.

"Yeah. A wind made a shearing-metal sound and punched a hole in the wall, huh?" a male Orc snorted in reply.

"Hey, you don't know what it was. Maybe it was a Wind Atronach," the first voice grumbled.

"Since those are real," the Orc's voice chuckled.

"Dude, six hundred years and you still freakin' suck Troll balls. What the hell, dude, you could at least try to be a little open-minded," the Breton's voice growled.

"I'm plenty open-minded. You're just batshit insane," the Orc said.

"Guess I better cut down on the ale, then. Starting to see things," the Breton sighed.

"Dude. You're a vampire. You don't drink or eat anything but blood. What are you talking about?" the Orc criticized.

"Dude!" the Breton protested. He paused.

"You smell something funny?" he asked.

"Yeah...smells like..."

"Fresh blood?" K grinned, whirling his claymore menacingly.

"Yeah! Took the words right out of my...blood..." the Breton salivated at the sight of the trio of living, breathing mortals. Then, Greywyn entered the two vampires' field of view.

"It cannot be...the Crazed One," the Orc breathed.

"But...we destroyed him..." the Breton shook his head.

"Beheadage!" K roared, decapitating both of the vampires and dusting them instantly.

"Sweet, K," Nival chuckled. Eyja picked up a slip of yellowed, torn paper from the dust of the vampire Orc.

"It's a note..." she murmured, reading it.

"It says that these five guys were servants of Azura fallen in the line of battle once they defeated the great vampire..."

"Five? We only killed four..." Nival blinked.

"Rawragh!" a woman screamed.

"What the hell? Damn bitch whore ass crap bong!" K howled as a vampire dove out of the shadows and latched onto his neck with her fangs.

"K!" Nival cried.

"Taste good?" K snarled, ripping the woman off. She coughed and clutched at her throat.

"Bad...bad..." she gasped.

"Yeah...my blood contains about seventy percent hydrochloric acid, twenty percent sulfur dioxide, and ten percent carbon monoxide. No good, huh?" K chuckled.

"Burn tear!" Greywyn hissed, roundhouse-kicking the vampire in the head before grabbing her head and crushing it against the cave wall.

"That's the last of them. We should return to Azura," Eyja said reluctantly.

"Is that really what makes up your blood? All that...shit?" Nival asked curiously.

"Just about. Some trace substances in it are also plutonium and krypton," the Dremora shrugged.

"Cool," the Dunmer grinned.

ooo

_Ah...my warriors have passed on. Six bright candles shall burn always at this shrine, in memory of-_

"Er...you had only five servants," Nival said awkwardly.

_Are you sure?_

"Yeah..."

_Damn! I thought I'd bought one too many at Ben Franklin...well, six bright candles...one extra to represent...er...you guys, 'cause you're like one thing the way you fight. Anyway, mistakes aside, you have earned my boon, and thus I shall grant you...Azura's Star!_

"Wow..." Nival gazed at the golden star statuette that appeared in his hand.

"Creative name. A star granted by Azura named Azura's Star," K snorted. "Cute."

_Shut up. Use it well, and remember that I shall always watch you._

"Stalker," Eyja muttered.

_I heard that, punk-ass._

ooo

"Look what we found!" Nival handed Martin Azura's Star.

"Amazing...it's as beautiful as the legends say...give me a day or so and I'll have the next passage translated," Martin sighed, returning to his books.

"What to do?" Eyja slipped her arm around Nival's waist.

"Cave! Cave drink!" Greywyn chanted.

"What?" K muttered.

"Say...what about that place we got the key to? What was it called?" Eyja frowned.

"Deepthroat Swallow?" K snickered.

"It's Deepscorn Hollow. Go back to sixth grade," the Dark Elf scowled.

"Sixty-ninth grade," K chuckled. His last remark was cut off as Nival clicked on the Deepscorn Hollow icon and fast-traveled.

ooo

"Inviting," Nival snorted, eyeing the half-sunken wreckage looming out of the dusk water. With a squeal of glee, Greywyn took a running leap and dove into the water.

"Bloods!" he cried. He motioned for them to follow him.

"I guess he would know all the secrets of this place," Nival shrugged. He dove in after Greywyn. K and Eyja followed suit, swimming quickly down to the large log protruding from the sandy banks of the Topal Bay. Greywyn snatched the key from Nival's pocket and opened up the door inside the log. The four of them swam to the surface quickly, taking in deep gulps of the cool subterranean air.

"Home!" Greywyn crooned, hopping about excitedly.

"Think he likes it here?" Eyja grinned, slipping an arm around Nival's waist. He chuckled.

"Greywyn's an interesting character," the Dunmer shrugged.

"Wild..." K breathed, admiring the underground retreat. Nival stumbled over something lying on the ground. He picked it up.

"It's an old diary...it's Greywyn's..." Nival whispered. He opened it and pulled out a Torch in order to read it.

"How the hell did you manage to light that? We just got sopping wet and you lit a freakin' Torch," K snorted.

"Sh!" Nival hushed the Dremora as he read.

"We can get furnishings for this house from Rowley Eardulf at the Brina Cross Inn," the Dark Elf remarked.

"Let's explore it a little first," Eyja laced her fingers with Nival's.

"Sure," the Dunmer shrugged. The three of them quickly caught up with Greywyn, who was jumping up and down in the central chamber. The vampire smiled toothily at them. To the right was a barren little chamber. To the left, a set of stairs led to a door. Off to the side was apparently a small storage chamber. They passed through the door and found themselves in what appeared to be a chapel cloister, or something modeled after one.

"Something smells like..." K sniffed. He ran into the room on the left.

"Hot springs! We gotta take a bath in this some time!" the Dremora grinned.

"There's a small cell in here," Eyja remarked.

"Wonder what for..." Nival frowned. They moved into the next chamber, which was barren but for a small table. The adjoining room to the left was equally empty. The room to the right had a bed placed between two columns.

"Kind of a crappy house for a powerful assassin," K frowned.

"It's been something like two hundred years since Greywyn was here, K," Nival shrugged. The door in front of them was jammed shut.

"Damn...it won't open," Nival tried shoving the door with his shoulder.

"Back up," K pushed Nival and Eyja backwards. The Dremora lowered his shoulder and, with a roar, rammed into the door, splintering it.

"That'll do it," Eyja grinned. The three of them cautiously stepped into the dimly lit chamber. A ninety-degree bend at the end of the tunnel led to a dark staircase. Red light glimmered down from...

"A giant shrine to Sithis..." Nival gasped, awed by the massive statue of the Dread Father.

"Looks like it's missing a little juice," K walked to the bottom of the stairs and tapped the empty bowl at Sithis's stone feet. Nival opened a small chest and pulled out a wickedly curved, glowing Daedric dagger.

"That's a mean knife," Eyja chuckled. Nival tucked it into his belt.

"We should hit up Eardulf for some supplies for this house. Why not make it our own? It's out of the way, safe..." the Dunmer trailed off.

"And pretty damn awesome! It's a secret base of operations!" K pumped his arm.

ooo

"And how may I help you fine customers?" the hooded man asked, gazing out of the shadows at the Dunmer, Dremora, and Nord.

"We heard you still sell the supplies for Deepscorn Hollow. We're here to purchase," Nival replied.

"Ah. Well, for the total package, it will cost you fourteen thousand septims," Rowley Eardulf grinned. "And that's a generous offer."

"Listen, you miserly piece of-" K growled.

"We'll take it," Nival cut the Dremora off. He handed Rowley a sack of gold. In return, Rowley handed Nival a thick, rolled scroll.

"You should receive the delivery within the hour," the hooded man smiled.

"Thank you," the Dunmer nodded.

"Fourteen thousand? What a bastard! ...where'd you get the money, anyway?" K asked.

"Still have plenty leftover from our Varla Stone blowout," Nival grinned.

"Varla Stone what?" Eyja arched an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it, love," Nival put an arm around her shoulders. They stepped outside.

"Where's Greywyn?" the Nord frowned.

"I think we left him back at the house. We can always find him if he wants to be found; when we enter a building or fast-travel he'll appear next to us," Nival shrugged.

ooo

Entering Deepscorn Hollow, the three companions found the house a completely different place. The first thing was the creepy pale-blue vampire that greeted them at the entrance.

"Good evening. I am your Dark Minion, and I am here to serve you," the vampire bowed deeply.

"Riiiight...maybe you could give us a tour," Nival shrugged.

"Excellent, Master," the vampire smiled. He led them into the room on the right.

"These are my chambers, Master. I have the means to practice physically," the vampire pointed out a punching bag and turned to his next point, "as well as artistically."

"Err..." Eyja caught her gag reflex as she winced at the landscape smeared with blood.

"I understand your disgust; it is not my finest work. I myself am quite disgusted with the horrifying mediocrity that displays itself in this work," the Dark Minion sighed. He led them back into the main chamber.

"This is your Garden of Venomgrowth. Everything in this garden has poisonous qualities, I assure you. Plus there is a unique breed of plant, the Chokeberry, which grows here only," the Dark Minion pointed out the gnarled, purple-black fruit.

"To our left is a storage closet. You need not tour that," the vampire chuckled. They entered the cloister and walked into the room to the left.

"This is the Font of Renewal. Bathing in this water has remarkable...restorative properties," the vampire remarked. They walked into the cell room.

"Hey, that's..." Eyja trailed off.

"Yes, this is cattle. For Greywyn and myself," the Dark Minion smiled toothily.

"You know Greywyn?" K tilted his head.

"Very few vampires don't. Now, let us move to the living areas," the Dark Minion led them into the newly transformed lower rooms. The table was lavishly set with intricately carved silverware. Cabinets lined the walls.

"Your study is in here, Master," the vampire motioned into the now furnished room to the left.

"Wow..." Nival gazed in.

"Your quarters are here," the Dark Minion showed them into the large room to the right. A gilt coffin was leaned against the wall. Next to it was a double bed.

"And, shall we consecrate the shrine to Our Dread Father?" the vampire waved to the door in the center of the dining room.

"Err...why not?" Nival shrugged.

"Nival...I don't like this..." Eyja tucked herself against him.

"Don't worry. Besides, I can't kill him anyway; his symbol is a crown, so he's invincible," the Dunmer shrugged.

"It's a simple ritual really," the Dark Minion remarked. "I've already filled the sacred pool at Sithis's feet."

"It looks empty to me," K inspected it.

"But...that's impossible...I just filled it ten minutes ago," the vampire frowned, gazing at the empty bowl.

"That's because I drank it all," a voice behind them caused them all to whip around.

"Hello, companions," Greywyn grinned.

"Oh, shit," K breathed.


	9. Po Septim and Blundercliff Swatch, pt 1

The Adventures of Nival and K

By Dominus Princeps

_A/N, I'm so embarrassed this took so long…don't worry about delays in the future, though!_

**Chapter Nine: Po Septim and Blundercliff Swatch pt.1!**

"By the freaking Nine..." Nival gasped, refusing to believe what he saw. Greywyn stood at the top of the crooked stone stairs, lank grey hair drawing deep contrast to the black leather armor he wore. The armor fairly crackled with magickal power. A katana was hitched over his back.

"You look surprised," the vampire grinned.

"Well, the last time we saw you, you were a blubbering skooma-head," K chuckled.

"You're not...gonna kill us, are you?" Eyja's hand twitched to her axe.

"No. You've been very good to me, and I like you. You couldn't do anything about that anyway, assuming I wanted to kill you," Greywyn shrugged. He walked down the stairs and put a hand on K's shoulder.

"I suspect we should get back to Martin. He's probably got something for us," the vampire remarked.

"Master, how...?" the Dark Minion had prostrated himself.

"Oh, get up. It wasn't that hard to rejuvenate myself. All it took was that entire vial of Sithis's Ichor," Greywyn chuckled. They quickly exited through the trapdoor to the banks of the Topal Bay.

"If you don't mind, Nival, I'd like my Crimson Eviscerator," Greywyn nodded toward the dagger resting in Nival's belt.

"Sure thing," the Dunmer tossed the blade to the vampire, who buckled it to his own waist. In a flash, the four of them fast-traveled to Cloud Ruler Temple.

ooo

"Get me a blanket! I'm on fire! AHHHH!" Greywyn howled, flailing around on the ground.

"Dude. You just fed," Nival rolled his eyes. "You don't get Sun Damage 1 for another day, and even then you have to Wait or Sleep for it to come into effect."

"Err. Right. Terribly sorry," Greywyn ran a hand through his hair. The vampire and the Dunmer entered first.

"I don't trust Greywyn," Eyja glanced at K.

"Yeah, me either. I don't think Nival trusts him much, but he realizes we need Greywyn's power at our backs. As soon as this is done, we should dust him," the Dremora nodded.

"I've translated the next part of the Xarxes. It says we need the 'Blood of a Divine.' I had a devil of a time figuring that out until Jauffre reminded me of the Armor of Tiber Septim, who ascended to the ranks of the Divines after his mortal life," Martin remarked.

"Nerd!" K laughed.

"That's...hey!" the priest/Heir frowned, rubbing his head.

"It's at Sancre Tor," Jauffre remarked briefly before leaving.

"Tight-lipped guy," Nival shrugged.

"Fast-traveling, ho!" K cried, raising his fist.

"We haven't found it, so we'll have to hoof it," the Dunmer sighed. K grumbled and fell into step with the rest of them as they hiked down the side of the mountain which Cloud Ruler Temple was built on.

"So, Greywyn...you're like a ninja vampire, right?" K raised an eyebrow.

"Something like that," the vampire grinned. "More a vampire assassin."

"Since that's so reassuring," Eyja took Nival's hand nervously.

"Don't worry, friends. I won't harm you," Greywyn inclined his head. Ten minutes (and oddly two hours and a half hours according to Nival's Dunmeri map-clock) later, the intrepid group reached a ruined castle.

"This must be Sancre Tor..." Nival said softly.

"Looks like crap. What the hell happened here?" K crossed his arms.

"Have some respect! This was the site of a massive battle. Used to be the Blades' base, too," the Dunmer scolded.

"Three Skeleton Heroes, on our six!" Greywyn hissed, dropping into a ready stance, fists raised. K pulled out his chain mace and swung it to gain momentum. Eyja unclasped the Glass War Axe from her belt. Nival charged up a lightning bolt and fireball. Greywyn charged the leftmost Skeleton Hero, twisting away from a viciously forked Dwarven Arrow and slamming his fist into the Skeleton's face. It hissed and, along with its two allies, summoned a Skeleton Guardian.

"So now it's six on three," Nival muttered. He loosed his fire-lightning assault on the Hero that Eyja was engaging. "Let's even these odds."

"A little help would be nice!" K howled as a Glass Warhammer hit him in the side. "You bony little bitch!"

"I choose you, Frost Atronach! Frost Atronach, Blizzard!" Nival cried, pointing at the Skeleton that swung its Glass hammer at K. The eight-foot ice sculpture trudged over to K and his opponent and promptly backhanded the Skeleton's head off.

"Hot damn! That thing just tooled the Skeleton Hero!" K blinked. Eyja Knockback-Counterattacked a Standing Power Attack from her foe and lined up for a finishing blow when a Silver Mace slammed into her back, flattening her. The Skeleton Guardian stood over her triumphantly, preparing to smash its mace into her head. It was promptly crushed between the Frost Atronach's palms as it slapped its hands together on the Guardian. Greywyn leapt over his foe to finish the now recovered Skeleton Hero with a somersault kick.

"Nice move, Greywyn," Nival flashed the vampire a thumbs-up.

"There are a lot of perks to vampirism," Greywyn chuckled before pulling out the Crimson Eviscerator and hurling it at the final Skeleton Hero, which had just pulled out another Dwarven Arrow and was about to fire it at Nival. The Skeleton hissed and collapsed.

"Good save," Eyja smiled.

"Now, let's get inside this decrapit building and get that bloody armor," K sighed.

"That word is 'decrepit,' K," Nival rolled his eyes.

"I know what I said," the Dremora grinned. Nival approached the door, wary for more Skeletons. He produced the key that Jauffre had given him and fitted it into the lock on the door. It fit perfectly, and the doors swung open. They were greeted with murky gloom. Nival lit a torch and handed it to K before lighting one for himself and Eyja. Greywyn's superior vampire eyesight meant he had no need of a torch.

"What a really freakin' creepy place...reminds me of something from Stephen King or Anne Rice," Eyja shivered.

"Who?" K raised an eyebrow.

"They're ancient Imperial authors. Don't ask," Nival shrugged.

"I always did like a good Anne Rice scroll," Greywyn remarked. At the bottom of the stairs, the vampire held up a hand to halt the party.

"What's up?" Nival whispered.

"I hear something moving...making a whistling noise..." the vampire unsheathed the katana across his back. It was a smoky grey and glowed green. Nival recognized the acrid scent of Daedric magicka instantly.

"Ebony Blade!" he hissed. "How in Akatosh's name did you get that?"

"You'll find I have many tricks up my sleeve," Greywyn smiled, revealing his savage canines. A screeching wail pierced the air.

"Gods damn it! I freaking hate _Wraiths!_" K roared, pulling out his Glass Warhammer and Glass Claymore and diving for the shadowy Wraith that advanced on the party. He soared right through it, tumbling down a long stone stair with shouted and muffled curses, depending on whether he was slamming onto his back or his face.

"You don't have magickal weaponry, do you?" Greywyn asked Nival.

"I'm not a melee character, as you know, but Eyja and K are. You and I will have to take this thing down by ourselves," Nival shrugged. He summoned a Frost Atronach for support and fell back, launching a pair of fireballs at the Wraith. It howled, causing K to roar with frustration and dive through it again, crashing into a wall.

"Chill, K. You can't hurt it," Eyja sighed, shaking her head. The Dremora grumbled a few curses and sat back with the Nord woman. Greywyn slashed at the Wraith, Silencing it with Ebony Blade, and then leapt over it, rappelling off a wall to rocket straight at the Wraith, sword outstretched for a souped-up Forward Power Attack. Ebony Blade crackled with energy as it slammed into the Wraith, which screeched again and attempted to Damage Willpower on Greywyn, who neatly avoided the spell with an Acrobatics Journeyman's backflip dodge.

"That screaming bitch is driving me up the wall!" K punched a stone column for effect, fracturing it in several places. Nival crept up on the Wraith and grabbed it with a two-handed fire attack that caused the Wraith to screech one last time before collapsing into a cloak and a glob of Ectoplasm.

"Good Scorching Blow there, Nival," Greywyn remarked. "You're quite the sorcerer."

"Your mom gave me a good Scorching Blow," K chuckled.

"Yeah, that's mature," Eyja muttered. Nival stifled laughter and waved them on. Greywyn sniffed at the air.

"Decay and corruption run rampant here," the vampire observed, keeping Ebony Blade at the ready. Nival nodded his agreement and turned to glance back at K, who was guarding the group's back.

"How are things back there?" he asked. The Dremora shrugged.

"This place is weighing on me. It's like it's got life of its own," K muttered.

"It most likely does, considering its history," Greywyn added, able to hear the conversation due to his superior hearing. The four of them entered a narrow hallway and froze at a hissing noise.

"There's a Skeleton ahead...smells very, very old," Greywyn whispered. The four of them dropped into Sneak and crept forward, weapons unsheathed for Sneak Attacks for 6x damage!!

"I can see it," K murmured. Greywyn shot forward and slashed the skeleton down the front, Silencing it and knocking it off balance. Eyja followed up with a vicious War Axe blow, and K finished it with his warhammer.

"'Sneak attack for 1x damage!'? What kind of bullcrap is that? If I nail a dude in the back with a warhammer when he's not prepared, he'd definitely get his shit wrecked, not take normal damage..." the Dremora scowled. A ghost appeared, causing the four of them to jump in fright.

"It's the Headless Horseman! Run!" K yelped, sprinting into a stone column and staggering backwards, dazed.

"Ectoplasmic beast! Your existence is over!" Greywyn snarled, slashing at the ghost and passing right through it. Eyja jumped into Nival's arms and caused him to be rooted to the spot, as he became Over-Encumbered.

"I am a Blade who fought at the Battle of Sancre Tor. My name is Douglas MacArthur. I died, but did not fade away..." the ghostly Blade sighed, his voice echoing with ethereal tones. "Free my three brothers."

"Okay..." Nival said slowly. The Blade walked into the darkness and vanished. The Dunmer set Eyja down and shivered involuntarily. K rubbed at the bruise on his forehead and sheathed his weapons. Greywyn appeared out of the gloom holding a small amulet.

"There's a path that apparently leads to a central chamber. We should head that way," the vampire waved them on. "And, Nival—the skeleton had this around its neck. It looks very old; perhaps you can find some use for it."

"This is the Amulet of the Ansei. It has magickal properties that fortify blocking ability," Nival explained, pocketing the amulet. The three followed Greywyn as he walked at the very edge of their torchlight.

"Right here," Greywyn pushed a door open. They came face to face with a Gloom Wraith.

"What the heck! Why are there so Gods damn many of these little bitches?" K snarled, shunting the Gloom Wraith's Elven Longsword off his pauldron. Greywyn slashed it across its back with Ebony Blade. It attempted to hurl a nasty spell at the vampire, but it was Silenced. Nival pounded it with a barrage of fireballs. It screeched at him before collapsing into Ectoplasm.

"I guess we should explore and see if we can find that Blade's 'brothers,'" Nival suggested. The others nodded in agreement. They headed right first, dispatching yet another Wraith.

"How many of those damn things are there?" K muttered angrily. "They're popping out of freakin' everywhere."

"I can smell another ancient skeleton...we must be close to another of those Blades," Greywyn warned. The group of four crept up a flight of stairs and saw a skeleton with a mace wandering in the murky gloom.

"I'll take this one! For Sparta!" K roared, pulling out his chain mace and whirling it around his head.

"Sparta?" Eyja turned to Nival.

"You think _I_ know what he means?" the Dark Elf snorted. The Dremora knocked the skeleton's head off with a chain-mace swing. The skeleton collapsed, but quickly reformed, at which point K knocked its head off again. He coiled his chain mace and pulled out his warhammer. The daedra brought the hammer back over his head and slammed it into the skeleton's prone ribs, crushing them to dust. The Dremora put his warhammer away and picked up a shiny object from the skeleton's remains.

"'Warden Kastav's Key," K read off his inventory screen.

"Bet it unlocks that door right there," Nival pointed. K fitted the key into the door and turned it. The door unlocked with a click, but the door still wouldn't budge.

"Great. It must've glitched or something. Stand back," the Dremora grumbled. He took three steps back and, with a roar, slammed into the door, tearing it brutally off its hinges.

"We didn't even need the key," Eyja chuckled. They wound their way down the claustrophobic dungeon tunnels.

"I can hear the Wraiths all around us...did I ever mention how much I hate those cloaky ectoplasmic bitch-bags?" K snarled. Greywyn and Nival dispatched numerous Wraiths that swarmed in from all sides before they continued.

"It's like there's some kind of factory just crankin' 'em out somewhere around here," the Dremora shivered. He stepped in a slimy puddle and slipped and fell down a long flight of stairs.

"Damn it!" the daedra roared.

"Holy shit! It's a skeleton, and man, is he pissed!" the Dremora yelped. Nival, Eyja, and Greywyn ran down the stairs to find K locked in combat with an ancient skeleton wielding an Akaviri Dai-Katana.

"Yikes!" Nival barely sidestepped a torso-cleaving vertical slash. Greywyn roundhouse-kicked the skeleton, aggravating it and causing it to stab him through the gut.

"...Damn!" the vampire gasped, pushing the sword out of his stomach by the handguard and staggering backwards. Nival quickly Convalesced the vampire and turned his attention back to the combat. Eyja smacked the skeleton Blade in the face with her shield, distracting it long enough for K to leap onto it and crush it beneath his weight.

"You okay, Greywyn?" the Dunmer asked the vampire.

"I've had much worse. Thank you for the heal, though," Greywyn inclined his head. A ghostly figure materialized.

"I knew...pot was bad for you..." the Blade said. "Just...say no."

"I could've told you that," K snorted. The Blade walked off.

"That's a mean katana. Ah, Mishaxhi's Cleaver...no wonder..." Nival inspected the weapon before pocketing it.

"Er...Nival...how exactly did you just put that in your pocket?" K frowned. "You don't have like a pack or anything..."

"I have no idea," the Dark Elf shrugged airily. "And I really don't care."

"Right..." Eyja tilted her head. The four of them continued down a long corridor and found a wide set of double-doors. K shouldered the heavy doors open and froze...quite literally. A skeleton struck him with its katana and caused a layer of ice to quickly form over the Dremora.

"Holy damn it!" the daedra shook the ice off of his armor and punched the skeleton Blade in the face, causing it to take a stumble-step backwards. Greywyn slammed a knee into the skeleton and sent it reeling backwards again. Nival charged up a massive lightning bolt and let it loose, blasting the skeleton into pieces. Another Blade ghost materialized.

"One if...by land. Three if they levitate. Four if you add two and two," the Blade's ghost whispered.

"No need to worry about levitation; they took that out of—" K began.

"Shh…don't bother him," Nival whispered. The four of them retraced their steps and, as there were no more Wraiths, quickly made their way back to the entrance hall.

"So, now we go left?" Eyja turned to Nival. He nodded, and they pushed open the door on the left. The hallways were remarkably Wraith-free, only yielding one or two of the screaming ghosts. At the bottom of a long stairwell there was a skeleton armed with a sword and shield.

"Mind if I take this solo?" Eyja asked. "I've got a new technique I'd like to try out."

"We'll be right here if you need backup," K shrugged. Eyja pulled out her Glass War Axe and walked warily down the stairs. The skeleton noticed her and hissed at her presence, advancing on the Nord warrior. It slashed at her, prompting Eyja to whirl away and swing her axe hard into the skeleton. The undead Blade reeled from the blow, hissing its distaste. Eyja spun around, hitting the skeleton first with her shield, then with her axe. She knocked the skeleton Blade down and proceeded to slash it again and again with her axe until it was finished.

"Toga! Toga! Toga!" the Blade ghost whispered before departing. Eyja picked up its shield.

"Hey, it has Reflect Damage 10 percent! That beats my shield any day," she cheered, dropping her Mithril Shield and replacing it with Valdemar's Shield.

"That's the last of them. Let's return to the entrance hall," Nival said. The four of them quickly returned to the entrance hall and walked down a short flight of stairs to a circular platform. They entered a burial chamber through a large set of doors and found the four Blades taking up positions around a large entrance that had some kind of spell rocketing out of it.

"What the hell is that? Somebody leave the AC on?" K snorted.

"That reeks of necromancy," Greywyn wrinkled his nose. All of a sudden, it stopped. The Blades faded away. Nival walked cautiously through the threshold and picked up a set of golden armor.

"The armor of Tiber Septim...I never thought I'd lay eyes on this..." the Dunmer breathed.

"Yeah, yeah, so it's some fancy armor. Let's hit it back to Martin and deliver this shizz," K shrugged.

ooo

"I may be the Heir, but you have the soul of a hero...I can't believe you really got it, but then again, you said you would, didn't you?" Martin shook his head, amazed.

"We promised we'd deliver," K crossed his arms proudly. "And, of course you meant me when you said, 'soul of a hero.'

"Give it a rest, K. He meant we all do," Nival sighed.

"You're just jealous cause he meant me," the Dremora stuck out his tongue.

"It'll take me some time to decipher the next passage of the Mysterium...I suppose you four have about a one or two day break," Martin turned back to his books.

"Right. See you around," Nival nodded. The four of them walked outside.

"What to go to Sundercliff Watch and find out what they've got there?" Nival suggested.

"Fine by me," Eyja shrugged.

"I think I'm going to go home and...research something," Greywyn stated.

"I'm in," K remarked.

"We'll meet you back here in two days, Greywyn," Nival extended his hand. The vampire shook it.

"Deal," Greywyn grinned. In a flash, he had fast-traveled to Deepscorn Hollow. Nival clicked on Sundercliff Watch.

ooo

"Shh...I can hear one around the corner..." K whispered, holding his warhammer high over his head. Nival and Eyja nodded and slowed their steps down. A torch bobbed forward, illuminating the face of a middle-aged Dunmer.

"Slash and burn!" K roared, smashing his hammer into the Dark Elf and sending him sailing into the cave wall, where he landed with a fleshy crunch.

"You didn't slash or burn, K," Nival chuckled.

"I don't need your commentary, buddy," the Dremora grumbled. The three of them continued down the dimly lit tunnel and reached a desk next to a locked door.

"Look! Money!" K shouted gleefully, tossing coins and jewels at Nival, who somehow managed to catch them all and put them in his pocket. After raiding the table, they turned toward the door. Nival activated it, but the door wouldn't budge.

"My turn." K grinned. He backed up and rammed the door.

"Ow! That door's…tougher than I expected," the Dremora muttered. Nival knocked on the door.

"Cryptic riddle!" was shouted through a crack in the door.

"What?" Eyja tilted her head. Nival looked around and spotted a book lying on a stool.

"'Steward's Diary'? Let's see here…hm, this guy can't spell to save his life…Ah, the password is 'Chimer'. Well, that's convenient," the Dunmer said, putting the book back.

"Cryptic riddle?" the door said again.

"Chimer," Nival replied. The door swung open and K tackled the rather surprised Dark Elf on the other side. He promptly pummeled the poor elf's face in literally.

"Do you ever think before you dive onto vaguely inimical figures?" Nival chuckled.

"Assuming thought processes can actually occur when there are things to be beaten into submission in the area," Eyja remarked.

"What the Nord said. Onward!" K signaled with his hand held straight out.

"Yeah, Heil Mankar to you, too." Nival sighed. Arrows whizzed past the trio.

"Take cover! We're under fire! Alright, form up left and we'll knock these Aedra back to…" K's enthusiasm trailed off at the weirded-out expressions of his teammates.

"Sorry. I was remembering an old battle. Um." K blushed, an action which is remarkably hard for Dremoras, given their naturally red complexion. K's blush made him look like he was being strangled. An arrow punched into his shoulder.

"Okay, that's it! It's Smash Your Ribs Through Your Back Time!" K screamed, charging through a column and slamming his warhammer into one Dark Elf archer's chest, sending the foe rocketing backward, trailing blood and bone fragments.

"You take left and I'll go for the one on the right," Eyja said. Nival nodded and leaned out from the column he was crouching behind and hurled a pair of fireballs. The Dunmer archer shrugged the fire off and shot Nival in the chest with an arrow.

"Nival!" Eyja screamed, leaving her war axe stuck in her foe's neck and running to Nival. The archer set up another shot, ready to hit Eyja, but then a half ton of daedric plate and enraged Dremora hit him at twenty miles an hour, followed by a whirling chain mace. The Dunmer choked and died. K wiped the flecks of blood off of his face.

"Dunmer…more like Dummer. Heh," the Dremora giggled. He ran over to Nival's side.

"You're not supposed to get hit by these, man." K smiled weakly. Eyja held Nival's hand tightly.

"Well, I know some basic first aid," K said. He grabbed the arrow and yanked it out.

"Okay, that's the extent of my first aid knowledge. Can't you heal yourself?" the daedra frowned.

"Poison of Silence," Nival said weakly. Eyja shut her eyes and clenched her fists. It was now or never. A burst of white light surged from her fingers and blasted into Nival. The wound on his chest closed instantly.

"That was a nice Convalescence," Nival grinned. Eyja smiled slightly before squeezing him in a powerful hug.

"Dodge the arrow next time," she murmured.

"Huh? Hello?" a Dark Elf said, walking into the room with a torch held high. The three intrepid adventurers sank into Sneak.

"Better cut down on the ale," the sentry remarked, turning his back.

"Time to die," Nival whispered, streaking through the air with his hands electrified.

"Hyugagurgurk!" said the Dunmer sentry. He twitched violently before falling over.

"Not bad, Nival," Eyja said, giving him a thumbs-up. The three of them headed through a doorway and entered a huge, cylindrical chamber illuminated by a bonfire at the bottom.

"This 'ere bar-bee-kyoo rat shore is gurate, eh, Jimmy-joe-oth?" one thickly hillbilly Dark Elf chuckled.

"Shore is, Bobby-john-inal!" the other answered, taking a huge bite out of a roasted Rat leg.

"This place smells awful…" Eyja winced, frowning heavily.

"Rat meat almost always stinks. I can't believe these idiots thought barbecue would make it better," Nival groaned.

"Bar-bee-kyoo makes ur-thang better! Hey! Yore not on ar sad!" one of the Dark Elves said through a mouthful of barbecued Rat.

"Oops! You got us!" K slapped a hand on either side of his face. He proceeded to pull his chain mace from his back and dive off of the side of the platform, whirling the mace around and screaming "die" at the top of his lungs. Nival and Eyja hurried down the several flights of stairs to help K out. When they got to the bottom, they froze. K was running around the campfire in circles, chasing one of the Dunmer around. The other was on K's back, beating him with a roasted Rat head.

"Now, that really is ridiculous," Nival shook his head, biting his lip.

"Gotcha, bitch!" K roared, slamming his chain mace into the redneck-mer ahead of him. The Dunmer cried out in pain, a cry that was stifled when K jumped onto his spine. The Dremora then grabbed the Elf on his back and hurled him into a wall. Rocks crumbled from the weak foundations and crushed the mer.

"Good show, K," Eyja clapped.

"Thank you, thank you," the daedra bowed. The three of them walked through the threshold into a low-ceilinged cave that opened into a massive cavern full of houses.

"This village is so big we're lagging!" Nival stuttered, moving forward jerkily.

"It's so big we should download a software update!" Eyja gasped.

"But then we'll lose the copy glitch…" K frowned.

"It's so big I think we should restart the console for the update, K," Nival sighed.

"But we just got here…" the Dremora crossed his arms and pouted.

"Relax, K. We might even level while we wait," Eyja shrugged.

"Well…okay. But as soon as the update is finished, we need to get right back in the action. 'Back in the saddle,' as an ancient daedric poet once said," the Dremora sighed.

"Alright…update requires the console to update…okay!"


End file.
